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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why did you decide to have more than 2 children?

46 replies

Uki · 09/05/2007 06:30

Hello

I'm currently pg with ds2, and always thought I'd only have 2 dc, but now I think I want 3 or 4. Although I think it is rare to have this size family now.

So just wondering why you choose to have more than 2? and if you have suffered from any discouragement/negativity?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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amidaiwish · 09/05/2007 07:08

just wait until you have a second
what is your gap?
"two is more than double one" a friend told me. i laughed. oh how true.

GooseyLoosey · 09/05/2007 07:57

Not rare to have more than 2 IMO, I know an awful lot of people with 3 (not many with 4). As amidaiwish says, wait until you have 2 before deciding that you want more. Dh always wanted 4 (told him he had picked wrong wife for that) until he had to look after 2, now he knows he could not cope with more!

The people I know with 3 almost all say that the jump from 2 to 3 was much easier from 1 to 2!

If you and your dh want more than 2, don't let anyone put you off, how many children you have is one of the most personal decisions I can think of.

rubles · 09/05/2007 08:26

I come from a family with 4 children and two of my siblings have 4 children too. If I were not the age I am I would be going for more than 2 as well, but I don't feel I have the option. I wonder if the urge for a larger family is due to coming from a larger family in our case?

Do you come from a larger family?

Don't people want to have more than two because they just have an urge to and their family just doesn't feel complete as it is?

amidaiwish · 09/05/2007 08:34

i am from a family of 4 children but i have 2 DDs and am very happy with that though dh (also one of 4) would like another but not for a couple of years.... and i think he is going off the idea as they start to sleep all night, we start to get our lives/relationship back a little too.

there's also the financial issue. private (secondary) is still an option if we need it etc. no way with 3 or more. unless our position alters dramatically.

friends of mine with more than 2 tend to be v wealthy and have a lot of help!

flightattendant · 09/05/2007 08:48

Because I keep choosing rubbish men to have them with! I'm almost due #2 and convinced that next time it'll be different and I'll actually have a DH to help...
Spiralling a bit out of control, at this rate I'll have 15 kids.

percypig · 09/05/2007 08:52

I'm just pregnant with no 2, but DH and I have always said we'd like at least 4 - ie we agreed on 4 v easily and said we'd rethink after that.

I'm one of 5 and DH is one of 4 (we're both the eldest, don't know if that makes a difference). Most of our close friends come from families of 3/4, and on my side cousins etc are of similar sized families - so that size of family seems normal to us.

When we got married we bought a 5 bedroomed house because we could afford it at the time and knew we wanted that size of family. We're really glad we did now because house prices have shot through the roof and 3 years later it'd be really hard for us to buy this house.

kateyp · 09/05/2007 08:52

I thought thought I wanted three whilst pg with ds2. Now he is here I think I am more than happy (and tired) with just the 2.

Think it must be the hormones whilst pg that make you think 3 wouldn't be so bad...

Twinmummyx2 · 09/05/2007 09:02

I have 8 children, and it is lots of fun! We didn't agree on a number we were going to have. We were happy with 4 and then we had 2 little accidents and got twins each time..lol

Have been sterilised now, but would love to have more. never mind.

amidaiwish · 09/05/2007 09:16

oh my.
ok, twinmummyx2 - dish:
ages?
how much help do you have?
how big a house do you have?
do you work ?
are all your bits intact!?

foxybrown · 09/05/2007 09:20

I'm pg with number 4. TBH (and not wanting to scare you!) I personally found the transition from 1 to 2 really hard, and I was flat out with 2 kids, so we decided what the heck, it couldn't be any harder lets have another! Then the children started to ask for another - I have 2 boys and a girl, they wanted to balance things up. Luckily this ones a girl so we can all fit into our 3 bedrooms!

Yes, there's a lot of negativity, from close family, strangers, acquantances who don't mind their manners and express horror at the fact I'm having another. Very rude. Or they assume you've had an accident by getting pg again.

But I can't wait, and am very much looking forward to being a mum of 4.

Rosetip · 09/05/2007 09:25

My DH was very keen to have a big family whereas I was quite happy to stop at 2, so I guess our imminent arrival is a sort of miraculous compromise between our two wishes. Definitely no more though.

The biggest downside to me during this pregnancy has been the constant comments from other people about "you must really want a girl" as I have two boys. It puts you under a lot of pressure and I know that a lot of people will be quite disappointed for me if it's another boy (even if I'm fine about it!).

The reason why I wanted to stop at 2 was purely practical and financial- private school fees, bigger car needed, buying new baby stuff again etc plus delaying my return to work. Now that I'm clearing out the spare room for the baby I'm feeling it even more- where are my handbags and coats supposed to go??

I would wait a good year after baby number 2 is born before even thinking about it, as it is a big change going from 1 to 2.

kittypants · 09/05/2007 09:29

im one of 4,dh is one of 6.we have 3.going from 1-2 was much harder than 2-3.i always wanted'big'(although i dont consider 3 big)family.extra playmates etci want 4th but dont think i can.we get all the comments about god your mad ,was it planned?etc but why?.ilove our 3!we arent rich-far from it.dh works hard to provide us with minimum.we have 3 bedroom house-but hughe garden so spend lots of time outside.we holiday in this country as cant afford to go abroad,we make sacrifices because we wanted more than 1 child.

amidaiwish · 09/05/2007 09:30

well everyone keeps asking me - "why aren't you having anymore"...
we have a 19m gap between DD1 and DD2 and now DD2 is 19m so everyone is expecting me to be pg, as if not getting pg is being selfish or something.

Aloha · 09/05/2007 09:32

I have two - my dh has three (I have a stepdaughter). If we were younger I would have liked another, but I had my second at 41 and could not face a small gap, and dh was happy with three. I like that my children each have two siblings, even if one doesn't live with us.

Aloha · 09/05/2007 09:32

And two is incredibly unfashionable now!

franca70 · 09/05/2007 09:39

Rationally I've decided not to have another child (we have two). I'm not that young, my patience is limited, I suffer from backache and I think my husband is happy with having two children. My heart disagrees, and I'd love to have another baby. I'd love to give birth again. But then I think how physically exhausting they can be when they are, say, 15 months... I don't know what to do, really.

Kelly1978 · 09/05/2007 09:40

I was happy wiht two, but relationship broke down and I ended up planning a third with a new partner. Fell pg long before we were ready to start trying and ended up with four.

When the dts were first born I used to get a lot of funny looks, people's jaws dropping in the street, etc. And the comments drive you looopy - 'Haven't you got your hands full?'
Now they are older, and it is obvious that two are mixed race, people tend to assume I am childminding.

Other people comments really don't matter though - it's what you want! It's great fun, especially now the weather is warming up. I love watching them all running aroudn the garden or takign them to the park. They've always got someone to play with and don't seem to need endless toys to keep them entertained. On the flip side it is bloody hard work, and I do sometimes feel that they are missing out on things due to lack of one to one time, but I think the benefits outweigh the costs for us.

honeyapple · 09/05/2007 09:54

Hi, my first 2 DC were kind of accidents really...

so it felt important to me to have another- to be grown up and actually plan a baby!
(now 4 mths PG)

Also I had a massive desire to be PG, to breast feed... that I didnt want to regret not doing again.

(Mind you, not sure this will be my last either, never say never...)

Twinmummyx2 · 09/05/2007 10:16

amidaiwish-

my bits are intact...lol...2 c-sections thank-goodness!

me and dp are both 32. children are 14,11,9,8,6,6,2,2.

Don't get help, don't need any. Was offered it when second twins were born-a student would have come down from the local college who is doing childcare course to help out, but i would have felt i needed to tidy before she came-so would have been worse in the end..lol
My mum died suddenly 2 weeks after i had DS4, but my sisters help out when they can.
DP is great too, and a childrens football coach so they are always as various football clubs which gives me quality time with the smaller ones. So it works really well.
5 bed rented flat.
DO I WORK!!!!???? OF COURSE!!! and no at the same time...lol was thinking of getting some sort of evening work, but then DP and DC's footie/netball clubs etc would have to stop and their fun and excercise is more important...plenty of time for work when they are older.

Good luck with all your future 'more children' decisions.

amidaiwish · 09/05/2007 10:25

a ha, you are young!!
sounds great.

evenhope · 09/05/2007 11:38

I knew I didn't want 2 children because I am the eldest of 2 and my mum always doted on my brother so that I felt I was very much the unfavourite.

We were going to have just one until we had her, and I realised that for me she would be too precious as an only. (By that I mean I had far too many ambitions for her and knew she could never live up to them- my own problem, not hers).

When number 2 turned out to be a boy I was terrified of repeating my mother's pattern, just as she'd repeated her mother's (she also has a favoured little brother). So number 3 came along. I really wanted another girl, so we had the fourth and it was another boy. We couldn't cope with any more (4 under 6) so we stopped, only to finally have DD2 15 years later

Family were very negative about us having 4 but all thrilled at number 5. Bizarre.

Original poster

Uki · 09/05/2007 12:52

Wow lots of responses, great

twimmummy - eight, you are rare and lucky I think each child must give you a shot of patience, so you must have loads.

I'm not from a big family, the youngest of three, but would have loved a younger sibling, but mum had tubes tied after me.
I have quite a few great friends from large families of 6 and 8, When they have a party, it's already a party, as there are so many family.

I actually find my friends from large families the most generous and easy going people. They have great people skills and are all very close families. My brothers and I don't get on that well, and i think we are all a bit spoilt. so I guess i think dc's that grew up with less, actually grow up with more IYKWIM. i can imagine myself as the grandma cooking huge family lunches.

OP posts:

LadyTophamHatt · 09/05/2007 12:56

I was desparte for a 3rd, it totally took over my life and it was all I could think about.
Dh finally agreed after month sand month of me begging and DS3 was born when DS2 was 2.3 yrs old.

We now have a 4th and he was an absolute surprise.

Its bloody marvelous having 4 though. I love it!!

fennel · 09/05/2007 13:00

Rationally, we wanted to stop at two. So manageable. But I couldn't ignore the niggle for another one so we had a 3rd. No good reason except that two never felt quite enough.

Sometimes though 3 seems too many and I do wish in some ways that we'd have been happy with two, it would have been easier.

I do like larger families though, I love the big family vibe (I have friends with 8 or 9 children and it's always fun being around them).

FiveFingeredFiend · 09/05/2007 13:02

Having more than 2 is so working class.

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