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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Babymoon?

37 replies

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 12:29

Me and DP want to go on a babymoon before baby is born. I'm only 6 weeks and we decided that we would book it when I'm about 16 weeks along (just to be safe). Thing is, he wants his 6 year old step daughter to come too... I understand he wants to take her on holiday, but isn't the point of a babymoon to have one last holiday together without kiddies? I mean, we have all the time in the world to take SD on holiday and I just wanted to have one last holiday together before child is born... is this unreasonable of me?

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Fidgety31 · 17/03/2018 12:56

Can you have two holidays - one with kids one without
This is what I am going to do

Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:12

@Fidgety31 in reality, probably not. Trying to save for baby and maternity - have just about managed to budget in one holiday!

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Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:14

Sorry, she's my step daughter, not his! She's his biological daughter.

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AuntieStella · 17/03/2018 13:18

The original and still in use point of a babymoon is to cocoon at home with your newborn in the early days/weeks of his/her life.

Taking a holiday during pregnancy can be anything you want it to be, and you need to sort this out with your DH just as you would any disagreement at any time. If you were hoping to invent a whole tradition to add pressure, then I think you're going about it in an unfair way.

Fidgety31 · 17/03/2018 13:20

I think he probably wants to have a last holiday with his daughter before she gains a sibling
Can they go on one alone?
Or if she is only 6 - a weekend somewhere cheap like Haven or butlins
I think saying no outright will make him resent you and feel like his daughter is being pushed out to make way for new baby

TheJoyOfSox · 17/03/2018 13:21

Totally not unreasonable Of you.

That’s the whole point of a babymoon. If he wants to take his dd, you may as well not bother.

Can you tempt him to a city break that his dd wouldn’t enjoy? Or are you dead set on beaches?

Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:22

@AuntieStella I'm not trying to invent anything or add pressure to anyone, I simply thought it would be nice to have one last child-free holiday together before baby is born. We have never had a sunny holiday together without his SD.

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Jamhandprints · 17/03/2018 13:25

A babymoon is when you and the new baby spend a week or more together, usually in bed, with no interruptions.

It is quite heartbreaking in a way when your baby isn't your baby anymore (because of a younger sibling). It can make you feel guilty for taking away that special relationship, so I can understand why your DP wants some special time with her.

It sounds like you don't consider her part of the family.

But you and DP should absolutely get away for a night or weekend alone if that's important to you.

Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:26

@Fidgety31 thanks for your answer. I think that would be the case if I was going away with our new baby but not SD (that would never happen). But going away as two adults? I don't see how that is pushing his daughter out to make room for new baby. His daughter lives with us a lot of the time and will be hugely involved in siblings life.

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Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:28

@Jamhandprints how on earth have you come to the conclusion that I don't consider her part of the family?! That is a huge assumption to make. I pick her up from school 3 times a week, cook her meals, bath her, financially provide for her, read her to sleep at night, tell her I love her. She is absolutely part of my family. I just want a holiday with my other half. Seems that is a lot to ask for!

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Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 13:29

@TheJoyOfSox I just imagine a lovely relaxed beach holiday where we can spend a week on ourselves, relaxed and not having to worry about childcare. I think I have divided opinions here...

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Buxbaum · 17/03/2018 18:28

You may get some harsh responses, OP - threads about stepchildren often hit a nerve.

I understand your perspective but I think you have to think about it this way: if you and your DP already had a child together and you could only afford to go on one holiday this year, you wouldn’t even consider a child-free break. You would go on a family holiday. I imagine your DP is particularly sensitive to the possibility that his DD could feel pushed aside when the baby arrives and is keen to use the holiday to avoid this. I know that this is your first baby and that it’s disappointing not to be able to do things as you’d prefer but that’s part of the deal when your partner already has children.

Perhaps you could compromise with a weekend away for the two of you and a longer break with his DD.

HP540 · 17/03/2018 18:39

Step mother you say? You must be the devil itself!!!

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 17/03/2018 18:41

Sorry I think that he already has a child so he can’t just have ‘one last child free holiday’ because he isn’t child free. It’s unfair to SD to have that attitude.

NerrSnerr · 17/03/2018 18:44

I think it sounds unfair on your step daughter, especially at a time she may be worrying about being pushed out a bit. I agree with PP in having two shorter breaks so your step daughter gets away with you too.

valafitz · 17/03/2018 18:46

As somebody suggested already, why don't you tell him how you feel and you could do the two holidays? One as a couple about to welcome your first baby together and one with his daughter. If I were you, I would put it this way. You want a couples trip, and for his daughter somebody children friendly would be better.

jkl0311 · 17/03/2018 19:40

Agree with pp that you probably should take the sd along, in fact this might be the perfect thing to tell her with ... your having a sibling to celebrate we are going to have a family holiday and your included.
Doing everything 3 nights a week doesn't make you "a great stepmum" it's viewing her as one of your own and making incredible memories with her and blending her in seamlessly to your new family life is what makes a great step mum.

I'm sure your aware but under 5 don't really know what holidays are. Over 15 rarely want to go on holiday with parents. Make the most of this golden time with sd it sounds like your stuck in her life for a very long time.

Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 20:11

Clearly @HP540 ! Well according to those on here anyway.

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Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 20:16

We went on a 10 day sunny holiday for a week with SD in October. Not even 5 months ago. Amazed that so many people have reacted so badly to this. Literally was just suggesting that it would be a good idea to spend some time together with no kids around before we have one together. Nothing about pushing SD out. Nothing about not taking her on holiday in the future, just not before baby is born. She has had so many holidays with us and I wanted ONE where we could be together and have some alone time. I AM a brilliant step-parent and don't know what else I am supposed to do to prove that to her without stepping on mums toes. Seems like step parents can't win on this site. Think I'll leave it at that!

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chailatte64 · 17/03/2018 20:27

You are always going to face judgement and snarky comments when you post about step parenting. People telling you you aren't good enough until you 'love them like you love your own' (get real), telling you you are SO unreasonable to want to have a week on your own with your partner before baby is born (you really are the devil!). People telling you you don't consider her part of your family when they know absolutely zero about you other than the fact that at a few months pregnant you want a relaxing holiday without kids (probably the last one you'll ever have in years).

My point it's, YANBU. Absolutely not. But there are a lot of women on here who will always disagree with you, simply because they are out of touch with reality, or think step-mums owe the world a favour.

If you took your SD on holiday 5 months ago, then go ahead and have a holiday just you and your partner! Nothing selfish about that. SD will be absolutely fine.

NerrSnerr · 17/03/2018 20:27

Why did you ask if it was unreasonable of you in your OP if you don't think you are? You asked a question and people gave their opinions.

Original poster

CalliopeMcPherson · 17/03/2018 20:31

Actually @NerrSnerr you'll see my reactions are to people who have told me I'm trying to reinvent ideas and put pressure on my other half, that I'm pushing out my SD, that I do not consider her part of the family. This are all pretty big assumptions to make.

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CamilleJanae · 17/03/2018 20:47

Bloody hell she just wants a week in the sun with her partner before they have a baby together! She's clearly a first time mum-to-be, is probably anxious and wants to relax for a week. Her SD will be fine it's not like they're going away with one child and not the other! My dad took my two brothers away to Legoland when I was 6 and not me. Mum just told me we'd go away another time. It didn't make me hate my dad...

Agree wholeheartedly with @chailatte64 in that people always seems to have an issue with step-parents and imply that they should love their SCs like they would their own... yeah, never going to happen!

I say go on holiday. YANBU.

HP540 · 17/03/2018 20:55

And of course no one ever go on holiday without taking their kids with them. So how dare you think that you should!

fabulous01 · 17/03/2018 21:00

I understand and i don’t blame you. If you were a parent wanting a few days away with your husband child free no one would have been horrid
If that is what you fancy go for it
You are already responsible for a child, you have another one on the way so go and enjoy

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