“Oh, so you’re only just pregnant...”

[NotTakenUsername]

I’m not sure if I’m being hormonal or just silly, or if this would annoy anyone else. I’m aware this is a FWP.

I’ve kept my pregnancy fairly quiet, but it has been hard going. Bad nausea, exhaustion, anxiety... but I’m now 11+2 (the 2 is so important ) and in possession of my lovely first scan photo.

I texted my friend yesterday to tell her and she responded by asking how far along I was. When I told her she said, “Aw so you are only just pregnant really.”

I felt really annoyed! I found out at 3+3 and the symptoms started later that same week... so I’ve been struggling for almost two months and it just felt so dismissive.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here to be honest, I just felt very hurt.

Well you kinda are JUST pregnant...

I think it is just a stupid thing people say. Pregnant is pregnant. Ignore her and don't let it bother you.
Many congratulations

I can see why it might have annoyed you, maybe her text was meant to be nice like " aww so you told me first, or so you've told me as soon as you could!" texts are hard to read tone wise.

I know the feeling, Im almost 12 weeks and still havent told my family, Im telling them next weekend. It is still technically "early" because it's the first trimester but I know people who have told everyone at 4/5 weeks. It's hard when you've known for ages, Ive known since I was 3 weeks so I dont feel like Im early on even though I am!

Ignore her OP!
Congratulations 🍾 (I'll drink the champers for you!) 😉

Imo pregnancy drags for the bump carrier but drags even more for the people who have to listen to every detail!! Sorry but impending dmhood is gonna have to make you get tough really soon. Then you are going to feel hurt when the baby comments start.
Your dc will either be :
Too chubby
Too skinny
Too bald
Too hairy
Too loud
Won't sleep
Everyone and their granny will have an opinion and only to you will it be absolutely perfect in every way!!

Agree it's a stupid thing people say. Pregnant is pregnant and congratulations to you!

But friendly bit of advice, you will get a lot of stupid stuff said to you throughout your pregnancy so learn to shrug it off.

Be thrilled yourself but dont expect others to be. Sad but true, even family can be damp squib about it. I always wanted people to be thrilled with my 6 pregnancies, 4 live births. They werent. Enjoy eac moment youself, It is special to you, ordinary to others

Thank you for all the comments. It’s not my first pregnancy and I’ve a thick skin for the randomers who talk nonsense. Even the close family and inlaws who talk nonsense. even the SIL who spelt congratulations “oh my goodness was it a surprise?!”
I expect it and it’s ‘just who they are’.

I think if I’m honest this is just another little indicator that our friendship was good but we have grown apart. It makes me sad, but it’s just reality. It’s been an unbalanced relationship for a while. I think as a stand alone comment I wouldn’t have minded so much.

People say all sorts of awful and annoying things but congrats :)

I get you OP. I was so pissed off at this comment when I got pregnant. The first trimester can sometimes have the most intense symptoms. I was so tired and so sick, i was throwing up several times a day and felt constantly ill...
I remember I wouldnt attend a late night event with one of my friends and when I said it was because of the pregnancy he said 'well you are only just pregnant? not really that pregnant?'
grrrrrrrrrr

Pregnant is pregnant! I was really taken aback and hurt with the crusty old gp. When I asked him about the free prescriptions "now that I'm pregnant" he said "well, you're not really pregnant, are you...." yes I was!! It was my first pregnancy so I was very naive but so excited and I was about 6 weeks. He could have been kinder. Much thicker skin now!

I think this would bother me a little, but I wouldn't take it too personally. People who aren't going through it themselves often don't see pregnancy until there's a visible bump. I'm 3+6 and absolutely terrified something will go wrong. Can't wait until I'm in your shoes and have those scan photos! Best of luck

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I found that people didn't take me seriously until after the 20 week scam as without meaning to scare you up until then things are still very early.

People will say lots of hurtful things throughout pregnancy unfortunately without meaning to. She probably didn't mean how it sounded.

I understand how you feel, I felt the same at that stage but looking back now it's not really that far along so I agree with your friends comment although I would never ever say that to someone.

It's very early to be telling people though. We didn't tell a soul until our first scan and then just parents and very close friends. Everyone else was from 20 weeks onwards when I started to show a bit.

I felt the same when I had similar comments... It really annoyed me. I think because, like you, I found out 9dpo... And having had a mmc I was petrified, still am... So when I reached every new week it felt like a huge achievement rather than 'just' pregnant... Yes there's a way to go but every day is an achievement and ignore them. Xx

3.3? So you've four more days until your period is due?

Yes. We were trying and had used ovulation tests, so I took a pregnancy test (not an early test, just a Home Bargains cheapy) almost on a whim.

I would have still known before my missed period as my symptoms started before then and as we had been trying I would have clicked very quickly.

I found out at 3 weeks too, now at 8 weeks and feeling awful! Sickness is quite bad so I'm most definitely pregnant!
I would find it so rude for someone to say I'm only just pregnant. But I'd also think they were just ignorant....

I think that sounds bitchy. When pregnancy 'begins' is different times to different people, conception, when you test and find out, 6, 7, 8 weeks, 12 week scan etc. but ultimately the right time to tell people is the one you personally choose. You get the odd 'was it planned?' or 'did you mean to?' from dumbasses but a close friend would be excited for you or have the decency to think of you and fake it. I cannot see how saying 'only just' to you is anything but belittling or bitchy, possibly ignorant but my money is on nasty.

I think it's reasonable to find this a bit of an annoying comment, but I wouldn't dwell on it. I think your friend might have been expressing surprise that you were telling her before the traditional 12 weeks (though it's not like you're far off), but if so she didn't express it well, and I'm not really sure that that would ever be a necessary/helpful thing to say at all in any case.

Sadly she could be a little jealous and this is how she's reacting. I would take it with a pinch of salt.

Also all my friends so far have asked if it was planned... but I don't mind that question so much as I always wonder the same (though am too polite to actually ask tbf!)

'just pregnant' is - to me - the time between missing your period / doing the pregnancy test, and that first scan confirming all looks okay. So once you reach scan stage, you're not 'just pregnant' you are 'well and truly pregnant'

When I told my friend about my first pregnancy (as soon as I found out) she said 'well I won't say congratulations until you're 12 weeks'

It hurt me at the time but I see where she was coming from. She'd had a previous miscarriage and I'd spent a long time TTC so I suppose she was trying to manage my expectations. Thankfully, it progressed and DD is now 4, and she did say congratulations once I had my 12 week scan.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that when you're pregnant, especially in tri1 and not feeling well, you're super sensitive to everything, she probably just worded it clumsily.

To the poster who only told close family and friends before 20 weeks, how on earth did you hide it?! My colleagues guessed before 12 weeks, though were polite enough not to say. I think people get very caught up on 12 weeks when actually your '12 week scan' can quite easily be at 11+2 or whatever and the risks are very low if no abnormalities are detected. My friend commented on how early I told her even though I'd had my scan, just because it wasn't bang on the 12 week mark. I think after your scan you are well and truly pregnant in everyone's eyes OP, and if you've known for nearly 3 months you'll have felt well and truly pregnant long before that. Ignore your silly friend!

Thank you everyone for making me feel so much better! I am most certainly pregnant.

I’m usually slim but am already quite obviously ‘showing’ although the jury is out as to whether this is uncontrollable bloat or just showing earlier with second pregnancy! so we told our Dd at 10weeks before people started guessing and took away that special moment for us.

My self employed job is such that it was kindest to communicate with my clients as soon as possible too, as my services will be suspended for 9 months. Happily in doing so, I have already had half of them confirm they will find a temporary solution during my maternity leave but wish to return to me afterwards. So I’ve some future income secured - one less thing to worry about.

The thing that stung most was that I thought I should contact her directly now I’d told quite a few people, in case she would hear ‘on the grapevine’ and feel hurt.