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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Which appointments does OH attend with you?

50 replies

coffeeforone · 28/02/2018 10:29

In my first pregnancy my DH came along to my booking in, first midwife appt, and the 3 scans (dating, 20 week anomaly, and repeat anomaly) I had.

I'm 11 weeks PG now. I went alone to booking appt. I'm planning to take him along to dating scan and 20 week scan (for obvious reasons). I also have a consultant appointment and 2 additional growth scans in 3rd trimester as my BMI was higher at booking this time. Do you think he should attend these three appts also - one of the scans clashes with a work commitment and i'm thinking if it is worth rearranging this early?

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cheshiremama89 · 28/02/2018 10:30

Every single one!

I have my 6 week check up in a fortnight and he will be there for that too!

DetectiveDog · 28/02/2018 10:32

Just the scans for me, I don’t see the point of dragging him along to anything else if it’s just a standard check up. I guess if the consultant one was to discuss birth choices then maybe.

inappropriateraspberry · 28/02/2018 10:32

With my 1st, he came to scans and a couple of mw appts near the end to discuss the birth etc. With this one, he's been to scans and that's it, but I'm sure he'd come to appts if I asked/felt he needed to.
I think it's good to have support at scans, just in case, and if you see a consultant your dh may have some questions for them (or vice versa!).

DetectiveDog · 28/02/2018 10:33

So yes just rereading, I would take him to extra growth scans but not, for example, midwife check ups.

RosaBaby2 · 28/02/2018 10:36

I don’t have a partner so go to MW appointments alone but I always take someone to scans with me, I’m also having growth scans. I had some worrying news at one of them and would have hated to be on my own (but everything’s fine now) X

pastabest · 28/02/2018 10:39

Just scans for all three pregnancies

I find the other appointments boring enough myself, don't need to drag him with me to suffer them too.

RoryAndLogan · 28/02/2018 10:39

He came to the booking in appt and then scans. If we have any more he'd just come to the scans, no need for him at any midwife appointments!

Sweetiedarlingletmein · 28/02/2018 10:40

My DH came to the scans, the midwife appointment where we discussed my birth plan and the 2 consultant appointments I had. I went to all other MW appts on my own. I definitely wanted him there for the hospital appointments.

Helspopje · 28/02/2018 10:40

Just scans in all 4 preg. He came to about 50% of the ADU visits for ctg montoring for reduced movements in case it was bad news.
The one scan he missed was the one that showed DD2 had died so he never missed another after

RatherBeRiding · 28/02/2018 10:40

None. Didn't feel the need.

ClemDanfango · 28/02/2018 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winifredgoose10 · 28/02/2018 10:43

Just the scans. He would have come if something serious had arisen which caused a risk to me/baby.

starlight36 · 28/02/2018 10:44

DH came to all of the scans and a few others he happened to be off work for as he worked shifts at the time.

Rainshowers · 28/02/2018 10:47

With both pregnancies my DH came to the 12 week and 20 week scans, and in my second I had a scan at 34 weeks to check the placenta that he also came to. I had a growth scan which he missed (short notice)

I didn't bother taking him to any midwife/booking in appointments but then both pregnancies were very straightforward so the midwife apts were routine.

Ragwort · 28/02/2018 10:47

None except scan.

However when DS was born with severe medical problems he came to every single appointment and stayed with us (well, in nearby hotel - only one parent allowed to stay in hospital) during treatment.

However he did have a job where he was the boss and could re-arrange his working hours, not everyone has that luxury - and you can't always book leave/paternity leave 'just when you want it'.

S0ph1a · 28/02/2018 10:51

My ex came to nothing except one scan. Even though he was self employed and could easily have done so.

Most women had someone with them, sometimes a mum or sister / friends as well as a partner. He didn’t come to any classes either and everyone else was there with their partner.

At the time I was very brave and understanding . Looking back I realise it was an early sign of his attitude that everything child related was entirely my responsibility. He didn’t even stay with me when I was in labour but disappeared for hours to make “ work phone calls “ .

So I think it’s reasonable to expect your OH to attend some classes or appointments with you.

RowenasDiadem · 28/02/2018 10:51

Most of the small ones if he wasn't working. For the scans he took a day/ half day off work to come.

twistedpink · 28/02/2018 10:56

This is my first, he comes to the scans but that's it, prefer it that way too.

LemonMuffin837 · 28/02/2018 11:00

Mine only came to the 20 week scan and a growth scan at 28 weeks.
He works quite far away which meant he would need a day off for every appointment he came with me to, and if he has a day off that means he doesn't get paid! So it was best he went to work. He only came to the 28 week one because he already had a day off. He took a day off for the 20 week but that was it.
He would of came to every appointment with me but we need the money more than I need him with me.
My mum would come with me if I felt I needed someone and she really enjoyed coming with me and seeing her grandchild

carringtonm · 28/02/2018 11:01

My partner has come to 12 and 20 week scans, and came to the 16 week midwife appointment because in our area you hear the heartbeat then. My mum came to the booking in appointment.

In my maternity notes (not sure if these are the same nationally) there is a list of antenatal appointments near the front and a rough outline of what happens in each, so we sat and he decided if there were any of those he was keen to be at. We agreed that he'd come to the 25 week appointment if any anomalies were flagged up at the 20 week scan, and a couple of the later appointments where birth choices are discussed, but a lot of them are just check-ups so not worth him taking the time off of work for. He's also booked in for antenatal classes with me in a month.

ClareB83 · 28/02/2018 11:06

I have loads of scans (twins) and DH comes to all of those and appointments with the consultant.

I go to midwife check ups, other tests etc on my own.

Marmite27 · 28/02/2018 11:10

1st - not booking in as they ask you to attend alone. But every other midwife and scan appt.

2nd - not booking in as same as above, next midwife appt and 12 & 20 week scans. He’s not bothering with the midwife appointments now as he’s attending our fetal medicine appointments in preference. We’ve had 8 so far and are having weekly scans for fetal anaemia due to K antibodies.

Brownbear84 · 28/02/2018 11:20

Just the scans! The booking in and 16wk are boring enough without him having to sit through them too xx

happytobemrsg · 28/02/2018 11:22

DH went to every appointment

villainousbroodmare · 28/02/2018 11:25

None. He's at work or collecting DS from playschool. I wouldn't expect him to, but if I asked, of course he would.

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