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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Which appointments does OH attend with you?

50 replies

coffeeforone · 28/02/2018 10:29

In my first pregnancy my DH came along to my booking in, first midwife appt, and the 3 scans (dating, 20 week anomaly, and repeat anomaly) I had.

I'm 11 weeks PG now. I went alone to booking appt. I'm planning to take him along to dating scan and 20 week scan (for obvious reasons). I also have a consultant appointment and 2 additional growth scans in 3rd trimester as my BMI was higher at booking this time. Do you think he should attend these three appts also - one of the scans clashes with a work commitment and i'm thinking if it is worth rearranging this early?

OP posts:

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littlepooch · 28/02/2018 11:27

Just the scans. He didn't even come to all of those as by the end with DC2 I was being scanned regularly so it didn't seem necessary! He also came to one of my consultant appointments when there looked like there might be an issue (there wasn't thankfully).

Countingsheeeep · 28/02/2018 11:28

With my first dh was there for everything, however for our second (currently 35+3) he only really attends scans.

I do all the midwife appointments on my own as I just don't feel like I need the same level of support as I did with my first. Having said that though,if I did need the support I'm sure he would do his best to be there.

It all really comes down to whether you feel you need and want him there.

Smellyjo · 28/02/2018 11:49

Just scans and important appointments like discussing home birth plan and consultant appts. Anything else felt unnecessary to me.

mamahanji · 28/02/2018 11:54

First pregnancy he came to the booking in appointment and the 9 week, 12 week, 20 week and 36 week scan. And the birth

Second pregnancy, 9 week, 12 week, 20 week scan and a few random midwife appointments if he was off work. And the birth.

I had an awful lot of appointments and extra scans and hospital visits due to bleeding and if he was at work, he didn't come. He only came to the planned big scans or if he happened to be home that day.

Buglife · 28/02/2018 11:58

First pregnancy, he came to booking appointment and the 2 scans. This pregnancy just the 12 weeks scan as he was looking after DS when I went to 20 week scan. Neither of us are too fussed about pregnancy, I don’t have any specific health issues etc where I’d feel I need his support. He is a very involved parent when babies come out which is the most important thing

CoodleMoodle · 28/02/2018 12:06

First pregnancy DH came to most appointments, except some of the midwife ones at the end (I was going every week, quick check of urine/blood pressure etc). He was working freelance for the first 30 or so weeks so it didn't matter, then started a FT job and couldn't come as often, but we had lots of scans due to PCOS and he came to all of those.

This time he's been to the 12 week scan, and will come to the 20 week scan (tomorrow!). I also had a very early scan at 7 weeks (due to lack of periods so unreliable dating), but he didn't come to that because he couldn't get time off work. I went to booking on my own, 16 weeks on my own, etc. I'll only ask him to come if there's a problem, really, but he didn't want to miss the scans.

DenPerry · 28/02/2018 12:11

Just the scans, couldn't see the point in him coming to the rest. At my hospital the waiting room was always full of couples (and kids!) and the midwives used to have to keep saying to each man "she's just getting her blood taken, just having blood pressure done, just a quick chat, you wait out here" when they got up to go with their partner. The midwives told me they prefer to see you on your own and also have to ask about domestic violence.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 28/02/2018 12:40

Consultant appointment/scans only in this pregnancy and that's primarily because parking at the hospital can be a nightmare and worse case scenario he can just drop me off. However he works for a fairly flexible company who don't mind when he gets his work done as long as his hours tally up at the end of the week plus he can work from home just as easily as in the office.

spydie · 28/02/2018 12:44

Mine came to virtually all my appointments with my first. Luckily he has a job where I could make appointments that worked around his hours. He's coming to virtually all with this one too. He's the most brilliant dad and wants to be involved throughout the pregnancy even if, to me, it's just boring routine appointments... I say you don't have to come but he wants to.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 28/02/2018 12:46

Just the scans.

AnUtterIdiot · 28/02/2018 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twitchett22 · 28/02/2018 13:01

My OH came to booking appt, all scans and any mw appt that he was off work for. We didn't arrange our antenatal appts around his shifts because they are pretty boring but if he was off he'd come as it was nice for him to listen to babys heartbeat. If i was seeing a consultant though I think I'd want him there and he'd want to be there, at least for the first appt

Johnnycomelately1 · 28/02/2018 13:02

12 week. scan with DC1. That's it. That was my preference though.

Chienrouge · 28/02/2018 13:04

Just the scans. Can’t imagine him sat while the MW dips my wee sample and measures my fundal height. I found it boring enough.

Ninjamilo · 28/02/2018 13:37

My hubby came to my 12 and 20 week scans, none of the other midwife appointments, consultant appointments or growth scans

I don't see the point in us both wasting hours in the hospital, it's mind numbingly boring!

pigshavecurlytails · 28/02/2018 13:41

None of them. He was at work!

TrashPanda · 28/02/2018 13:47

I think with our first DP came to a couple of midwife appointments and both scans then was at the birth.

Second he just came to the 3 scans I had, one a repeat dating scan as baby not in good position, and the birth.

This one he's been to 2 of the 3 scans, again a repeat dating scan due to position. Not been to any midwife appointments, I'm usually in and out in 10 minutes. He'll be with me at the birth again.

If he doesn't go to work he doesn't get paid and the more money coming in the better.

SheepyFun · 28/02/2018 13:50

Where I am, midwives prefer not to have the partner at every appointment, as they want to check about DV and support.

texxxas · 28/02/2018 13:55

All scans

First listen in to heart beat

Bloods and injections because it's 99% certain I will go queasy and won't feel upto driving

Sweeps and final appointments to discuss possible induction etc

Didn't come to any standard check ups

jammiecat · 28/02/2018 13:57

With my first DH came to the scans (12 week, 20 week and one urgent one when the midwife couldn't hear DS heartbeat). Second time around it was twins so I had loads of consultant appointments and extra scans but he still only came to the 12 week and 20 week one or he'd have run out of leave. he didn't come to any of my midwife appointments.

EsmeeMerlin · 28/02/2018 13:59

With our first, he came to the 12 week scan and the 20 week scan.

Expecting ds2 and he has only come along to the 12 weeks scan and the consultant appointment about my c-section. He also came with me today for me to do pre-op bloods but that was only because of the snow.

I have never felt the need for him to be there and he works shift work so is often at work.

SueSueDonnahue · 28/02/2018 14:18

The one scan my DH missed was the one that brought up issues that led to the baby's eventual stillbirth. We'd already had two scans at 12 weeks, one at 16 weeks, one at 18 weeks and had something like a 1:15000 risk so we were a bit blasé about it. I thought it was just a nice opportunity to get another photo.

I remember standing at the train station afterwards trying to get hold of him and trying not to cry.

I wouldn't bother taking anyone for regular blood/wee tests though, or booking in.

But everything else, yes!

zaalitje · 28/02/2018 15:33

Just scans, felt I'd be wasting his time getting him To trek from work for a 5 minutes midwife appt that's just dipping wee and blood pressure checks.

meow1989 · 28/02/2018 15:35

3 scans (6 week, 12 weeks and 20 weeks), first half of booking in (midwife came to see me at home for the second bit) and two midwife appts so far. Am 23+5 with first baby and he'll have to miss the next midwife appt due to work so he's asked me to record bubbas heartbeat for him 😊).

Now he'll attend if he's not working, unfortunately he'll have to miss most of the antenatal classes (they do 5 in our area) as they're during the working day 😔

Girlwiththearabstrap · 28/02/2018 17:10

12 week and 20 week scan. And 2 of the antenatal classes with my first (not bothering this time round). I see a consultant every 3 weeks, have midwife appts weekly and growth scans every 3 weeks, so I think it would be overkill for him to come to all appts. If I was nervous or scared or worried about something then of course he would come.

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