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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Petrified of birth

35 replies

Kitcat159 · 26/02/2018 12:19

I am absolutely petrified of giving birth.
Everytime I think about it I have a panic attack and can't breathe
I am due in july and I am getting more and more scared each week
Please tell me others felt the same??!!
I'm not strong enough to do this!

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BubbleAndSquark · 26/02/2018 12:25

Is it your first?
I was terrified before my first, thought I wouldn't cope at all, then it ended up being quick easy labour with me not needing any pain relief.

For my next 2 I was excited and looking forward to doing it again, third was slightly worse labour but again very quick and managed fine with gas and air.
Try to focus on getting to meet your baby and ignore horror stories, people don't talk about all the boring easy labours - its not much of an interesting story to tell! So you tend to end up hearing an unproportionate amount of the worst possible outcomes and dramatic stories.

Emu31 · 26/02/2018 12:28

Anxiety is so horrible you are certainly not alone in feeling so scared of birth. I would really recommend you try hypnobirthing - it is not as hippy as it sounds! It's all about getting you to a place where you feel relaxed and confident about the birth. I did it and though my birth experience didn't go to plan it massively helped me to cope with it all and gave me a lot of confidnence and trust in myself. You can get a book or do a course, the books come with tracks you can listen to. It really does work and definitley worth a try to help you with the worry about it all. I was terrified too but managed to get to a point where I actually felt rather positive about the prospect of birth.

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 26/02/2018 12:33

Yes it's my first.
I think because I don't really understand what is going on in my body at the moment and every appointment I have had is jargon and needles I'm a bit freaked out.
Had HG till 16 weeks. I'm 19 weeks now. So it's bot been fun so far.

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Original poster

Kitcat159 · 26/02/2018 12:33

*not

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Original poster

Kitcat159 · 26/02/2018 12:36

And if anyone else says "well it's gonna come out whether you like it or not" or "well it's too late now" or "well you can't stop it!" I think I'm gonna have a break down!
I'm already scared. Saying that is just making me feel even less in control!

I know it's gonna happen. I'm just really scared about it.

OP posts:

Bluebirdsky · 26/02/2018 12:41

I would highly recommend looking into natal hypnotherapy or hypnobirthing, maybe get a book or look into the online course. It focuses on helping you to let go of some of your fears and to be able to relax during labour.

VitriolicMuse · 26/02/2018 12:42

I think all pregnant women go through similar feelings it's perfectly natural. After my midwife appointments I would look up anything in my notes I didn't understand. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Tell your midwife you feel really anxious about giving birth because maybe there is additional support out there for you. I used to think about all the millions of women that have given birth before me and why I would be any different to them. I'd think about how lucky I was to be able to give birth in such a safe environment with all the medical help/pain relief I could ever need. Your birth experience is totally up to you, if you don't feel able to go ahead with a natural birth, you're well within your rights to request a c-section. You can have all the pain relief going or you could try and keep it as natural as possible. It's totally up to you. Good luck!

cheshiremama89 · 26/02/2018 12:47

I had my first 3 weeks ago.

You will be ok

TheCatsMother44 · 26/02/2018 13:30

I'd really recommend hypnobirthing. Either a course, a one to one session or if you cant afford either of those then reading a book will help (I'm just not sure whether it'll be helpful enough for you but definitely worth a go!).

gryffen · 26/02/2018 14:40

Imho I recommend going to every single hospital class going that covers every eventuality in birth from midwife led to consultant intervention - information is power and knowledge will mean you will be able to stay calm if help is needed.

Everyone of us probably felt fear, it's natural and I would say if it's because of hearing horror stories then don't watch TV programmes or come onto website like this as it's not gonna help.

Write questions down and next appointment get answers and do it each appointment until you know enough to say "oh, that makes sense!"

Good luck mama

1Wanda1 · 26/02/2018 14:45

I think it's quite normal to be scared of giving birth, especially for your first. Also the prenatal appointments can all feel so rushed, you often don't really get a chance to talk through concerns like this.

If you can afford it, perhaps something like cognitive behavioural therapy could help you to face your fears and apply coping techniques. Might be something to look into.

SleepySheepy · 26/02/2018 14:52

I really really really recommend hypnobirthing. Please look it up and give it a try. You CAN have a great birthing experience, even if it seems impossible and really scary now.
I've just finished a hypnobirthing course (2nd baby for me) and I couldn't recommend it any more. It's a little bit pricey, but so so worth it. To be honest, my mental health is totally worth £200 (and more) to me!
The thing about hypnobirthing is that it looks at birth in a completely different way to what you will hear in antenatal classes etc and it's MUCH better.
Don't give in to the scary stories, medical terms and things that frighten you. You don't have to be a part of that. You can have a calm birth where you are in control.
Please PM me if you want to talk, I hate to think of you being so afraid xx

katmarie · 26/02/2018 15:02

My antenatal classes went through what happens during the birth in detail, including what happens if there are any problems. They also let us ask loads of questions too, which was really useful. I'd really recommend them. I was very nervous and they did help. I believe nct classes cover the same sorts of things, so if you don't have nhs classes in your area, it might be worth looking at nct too.

I'd also recommend hypnobirthing too, one of the major elements involved is overcoming the fear surrounding giving birth, using a toolkit of different methods to understand what's coming and be mentally ready. I found it quite empowering, it's worth looking into.

pregz · 26/02/2018 15:27

Could have written this post myself , I suffer with anxiety normally and have the most awful needle/hospital phobia ( I seen a new midwife who told me she had "heard" of me and that I'm quite a famous example they use to settle people people who are a little nervous of needles , great- not embarrassing at all )

I'm currently a few days overdue and I'm still scared but not having the crippling panic attacks thinking about it like I once did. PLEASE if you take one piece of advice try hypnobirthing , The positive birth company (YouTube videos and classes) work a great deal for me, will it completely cure your fear? No. But you will have such a clearer mind and see birth in a totally different light.

I'm not usually the "airy-fairy" type but totally recommend it and it's not as "hippie" as it sounds.

Congratulations!

KochabRising · 26/02/2018 15:31

Talk to your midwife. There is support available for fear of childbirth.

Hypnobirthing I found a mixed bag. The basic core of it is very sensible - breathing, self calming etc, that’s a great skill to have. I just have a couple of points to make about it.

It isn’t a guarantee of a good birth - it’s a set of techniques to help you centre and calm yourself. How your birth goes is largely a function of how the baby lies on the day and your own anatomy.
I think here can be a risk of blaming oneself of if things don’t go ‘naturally’ - as above, birth is inherently unpredictable and if you have issues, no amount of breathing and hypnosis is going to help the core issue (although of course it can help you to stay calmer.)

Anyway, it’s never a bad thing to have some of these techniques under your belt if you’re realistic and aware of the limitations. The most important thing is to speak to your midwife and ask for help

BrizzleMaverick · 26/02/2018 16:00

With my first I definitely found the anticipation worst than the actual labour (ventouse delivery with epidural in the end).

My second was easier but I still got nervous and anxious I think it's just natural to feel like that. Once the contractions start you will be fine as you will deal with it in your own way.

Hypno birthing is meant to be really good but also trust your body that it knows what to do, and although easier said than done don't listen to people's birth stories.

If you continue to feel like this speak to your midwife x

Aspenn17 · 26/02/2018 17:13

I also really recommend hypnobirthing, it will completely change the way you think about giving birth. I do have a friend who was SO anxious to give birth (can’t eat, can’t sleep, constant crying type terrified!) her midwives refered her for counselling and she did feel like it helped, so might be worth speaking to someone if you feel like you need help x

Oysterbabe · 26/02/2018 17:22

You'll be fine honestly.
I was a bit nervous before my first but excited about my second. My second birth in particular was so lovely, I think about it all the time and feel sad that my family is complete and I won't do it again.

SpongeCake23 · 26/02/2018 17:23

I have the same but extreme anxiety to the point in which I can't contemplate a vaginal birth so I'm going to push for an elective c section.

FranticallyPeaceful · 26/02/2018 17:41

It’s normal when you don’t know what to expect so just focus on what people say about pain.

I’m looking forward to it this time (third child). You’ll soon see that it really isn’t as bad as people will say. Of course most mums want you to know how hard and how much effort it was bringing the child into the world though.

I wouldn’t push for a c section without looking into hypnobirthing etc.
As much as c section seems like an easier option... it isn’t. It’s so much harder. Leave it as a last resort

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 26/02/2018 21:36

Thanks everyone.
I have the classes due in June and I am going to look into hypnobirthing.
I found a podcast where women talk about their birth experiences which I found quite helpfully calming me down today.
I'm bouncing from "I can do this. I'm a strong woman. I can take control of this it won't beat me. I'm a warrior princess" (warrior princess is what DH calls me when I gather up strength to do things like blood tests although I have a phobia). Then next min I'm "I can't do this! I'm not strong enough! This is a bad idea"

I'm sure it will be ok.

I'm gonna write a list of the things specifically that is making me scared and talk to the midwife about them

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Rae90 · 26/02/2018 22:14

I'm sure most women feel like this at some point in their pregnancy. Honestly my birth wasn't that bad. The transition stage of labour wasn't fun I'll admit, but it was over so quickly and I managed with just gas and air. I only needed one stitch for a tiny first degree tear and was out of hospital 15 hours later. I didn't need a cannula in my hand or anything like that.

I know some women are not so lucky and have traumatic births but my experience was really positive. I find the idea of a c-section much more terrifying tbh.

FranticallyPeaceful · 26/02/2018 22:20

@Kitcat159 you don’t need to be a strong warrior princess. Your body knows what it’s doing even if you don’t
best thing to do is relax (easier said than done when you don’t know what to expect, of course) because your body does all the effort and your only job really is to push at the right times... and even the pushing you will find is mostly involuntary.
Basically, we’re just along for the ride! It’s honestly not that bad. You just need to realise the hardest part is riding it out until our bodies do it’s thing

annlee3817 · 27/02/2018 04:08

I'd also recommend hypnobirthing, I used the Maggie Howell natal hypnotherapy book and CD. It was great for keeping me calm in the last trimester and during labour.

Duckies · 27/02/2018 04:38

I'm not strong enough to do this!

You are! Hypno birthing also helped me in the lead up and I used the techniques during labour as well.

Try to avoid labour stories and One Born Every Minute!

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