Petrified of birth

[Kitcat159]

I am absolutely petrified of giving birth.
Everytime I think about it I have a panic attack and can't breathe
I am due in july and I am getting more and more scared each week
Please tell me others felt the same??!!
I'm not strong enough to do this!

I felt absolutely terrified and found that hypnobirthing really helped. I also saw a therapist to help me deal with my anxiety around it.

When my waters broke, I weirdly felt really excited and started using my hypnobirthing techniques and even though the birth didn't go as planned (nothing bad, just not what I'd wanted) I found it a really positive experience. I definitely recommend hypnobirthing.

It's completely natural to be scared. It'd be off if you weren't but it's not going to benefit you if you let it completely take over you. Please try and speak to a professional about how you're feeling and get some support xxx

*odd

Following with interest. I’m 36, husband wants children but I’m petrified. Absolutely petrified 🙁
I think it’s the fear of being totally out of control and hearing people almost delight in telling their bad birth experiences.
Think I’m going to seek cbt therapy.
Reading the comments above has been good though!

In hindsight for me, I think it's really important to try and remember that we normally panic when we are in pain, because we perceive that there is something wrong - try to get it in your head that the pains are a way of your body telling you it's doing it's job.
Take all the drugs, have someone you trust with you.
I missed my bump so much afterwards!

My birth didn't go as planned at all, but the hypnobirthing stuff did help, particularly in the early stages (I was having contractions for about 3 days on and off). The breathing techniques helped a lot and made the pain bearable. What also really helped me was knowing that it would pass, it all passes in the end, no one is in Labour forever, so focusing on that got me through a lot of it. Also hypnobirthing is big on the 'no bad birth stories' idea, it really gives you permission to stop people from sharing their horror stories with you, some classes even give out little badges for you to wear saying 'positive birth stories only' to stop people scaring you with their war stories.

Also if you're really afraid of the pain, I can tell you I had an amazing experience with the epidural, it was fantastic. Once they put it in I slept through a good chunk of my established Labour, which left me well enough rested for the pushing stage. I would highly recommend an epidural, I'll be having one again if I have another baby.

I also have a theory about people and bad birth stories. I think people share them because there is a certain amount of pride in surviving a really rough experience. But I think it depends on how you look at things. My birth story could be a 'bad birth experience', 3 days early Labour, turned up at the hospital begging for help, missing out on my midwife unit/water birth due to the need for pain relief and catheterization, waters broken for me and urgent induction at 4cm dilated due to baby being in distress, But if you look at it positively, I was taken care of by an amazing team, and once I arrived at the hospital, they totally managed my pain, helped me rest and sleep, rehydrated me and helped me deliver my son safely without forceps or ventouse (which I was terrified about) and so I feel very positive about the experience I had. Not everyone will have that, and I appreciate that some experiences genuinely are just bad all round, but sometimes you can choose to focus on the positives.

Good to read Katmarie. I’m getting a bit tired of people giving me their worst ever labour stories, it’s like some people really enjoy listing how bad things were.
The way you turned that around is actually such common sense, really like the idea of there being ‘no bad birth stories’ xx

I think being realistic is more beneficial. Birth is unpredictable. Things can go wrong, most of the things that can go wrong will end up turning out OK because we live in a country with decent medical care.

I don’t think an overly negative approach is helpful, but I don’t think an overly Pollyanna-ish approach is either. That sets women up to few like they’ve failed.

Just be realistic.

For my first labour I initially started out petrified when it started but as contractions became more regular I could feel a rhythm to them and I relaxed a bit. The labour overall wasn’t scary or bad, just sore and long!

I am excited to give birth this time as I survived the first time and now I know what to expect.

You can do it mama.

I think it depends on what exactly you are scared of. If it’s just the thought of pain that worries you, book your delivery in a hospital obstetric unit (not a stand alone midwife unit with no medical back up) and have a planned epidural.
They’re very effective (I speak as a retired anaesthetist, who did literally thousands of them!).
If you’re worried about unexpected complications, again book in a hospital unit. They have emergency protocols to manage every eventuality, and the team have a time limit for getting you to theatre in the event of a crash C. section.
If you’re worried about major haemorrhage, the labour suite has access to a “shock pack” of O neg blood to immediately transfuse you if there’s not time to wait for a cross’s match.
If you simply fear the unknown, or a loss of control, ask the midwife to give you a tour of the delivery suite, and explain all the safety features to you. Many antenatal classes already do this routinely.
The U.K. is one of the safest countries in the entire world to give birth in, our figures from the NHS are better than the USA. I’m sure you will be fine, you just need some reassurance and information to address whatever your individual worries are. I had my 2 kids in my own NHS hospital, and can vouch for it as a patient as well as a doctor! Best wishes.

Just to add here a recommendation to read the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill, this really helped calm me down about labour and showed me a different way of thinking about it. Hope this helps x