Pregnant with unplanned baby... FREAKING OUT

[CobaltRose]

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 years old and have just discovered that I am pregnant. I've been on Nexplanon for two weeks and before that we used condoms, so this was VERY much unplanned.

I've been with my fiancé for 14 months but we don't live together yet. I'm very excited and happy, but also terrified of the unknown and just how we're going to manage!

My fiancé works full time and earns around £1200 a month. I only work part time (10 hours a week) as I'm also in my first year of university. I'm planning to finish my first year and then take a year off, returning in September 2019 at which point bubba will be just under a year old.

My fiancé has already started a savings account, and we were already planning on getting our own place even before I got pregnant. He's also asked his boss for extra hours. We have a great support network from both sides of the family, thankfully.

I'm absolutely terrified of how we're going to afford this baby. I know a lot my anxiety is probably raging hormones, but I'm honestly so so scared. How can we afford it? How hard is it going to be going back to uni with a young baby? AARRGHH I'm freaking out.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings...

Thanks everyone who's given good advice.

Yes, I know childcare is going to be the biggest expense. Thankfully my university has a nursery on campus, so I won't need to worry about travelling too far.

I was 21 when I had my DD who is now 17 months, she was also unplanned, but a lovely surprise all the same. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and you've already planned for what you can. Babies don't have to cost a lot of money, and they really don't need half the stuff that's marketed as necessary. We had a lot of stuff my mum had saved from when my brother and I were babies and bought us our pram so we didn't need to buy much ourselves at all.It sounds like your fiancé and your family are going to be so supportive. The NHS offer classes on childbirth and baby care in my area so ask your midwife, I had done lots of child minding/babysitting prior to having dd and it was still all very new when she arrived. It's a bit scary for everyone because you have to care for every single need this tiny little creature you made has

Lots of people will look down on you for having a baby young unfortunately, I've had more than a few nasty looks and cold shouldering from older mums. But it's best to look on the bright side, there are a lot of positives to being a younger mother. You have more energy, you are less set in your ways and adaptable. Your body will recover more quickly from pregnancy and childbirth. Your eggs are in their prime... the list goes on. And by having a baby while at university you won't be taking career breaks later to have babies when a lot of your female colleagues will be, and you can time starting your career with your child starting school so you won't have a career setback as a result of taking maternity leave. I took time out of my degree while I was pregnant and will be going back when DD is 3 to complete my degree, as I am fortunate to be able to take a long break to enjoy being a SAHM while she is little. It's also now affordable for me to return to uni due to bursaries and larger loan for being a student parent, so check what you are entitled to with your uni. Also see if the university have a nursery, there may be a long waiting list, so good to know in advance.

It will be fine OP, congratulations

OP! I had a little surprise whilst on birth control too recently, and at 22 am pregnant, in my final year of uni!

Your DP sounds like he has his head screwed on and you're lucky to have family support. So many people find a way in much worse situations so you will be fine, it will just be a little bit harder!

I, like you, hate going out and drinking 😂 and I'm currently living in a shared house where my housemates still love doing those things (I'm in bed by 9 every night haha). I've found it quite lonely being pregnant at uni as the majority of your classmates will have very different priorities than you, but realistically we will make new friends that have the same priorities, so don't worry about social aspects, it will get better and I have met a few new friends through my pregnancy already :)!

Make sure that you go back and finish your degree though, as it will put you in a great place money wise, plus if you can get used to being poor for 3 years, working full time you'll feel rich 😂!

Congrats OP! I know it's a massive thing because everyone has such different priorities for you at uni, but it honestly will be fine! You'll be a super mum (sorry for the cheese) and you'll have a hard few years but they will be so worth it and your baby will be proud! I know I was proud of my mum when she completed her degree working full time and caring for me :)

Also consider transferring your credits to Open University once you have completed your first year (depends what your degree is), as then you can continue to have funding and study whilst pregnant, and for what would be maternity leave and have much more consideration for time/deadlines and be able to catch up on the year you've missed, if you're worried about being behind a year. Also you will potentially get more student finance/extra funding so make sure you check this out! A woman on my course had a baby part way through and she gets LOADS of extra stuff. Make sure you make the most of it!

Good luck :) x

Thank you for the kind words, ChilliCheeseMama. Haha, I've always been a homebody and never particularly liked going out, so I'm certainly not going to miss it!

Thankfully, a lot of people on my course are older and have children (in fact I'd say childless 20 somethings are the minority), so I'm hoping they'll be understanding. One of my closest uni friends has three kids, the youngest of whom is 18 months old. It must be tough for her but she's doing well and getting better grades than some of my classmates who are single and childless!

Just wanted to say congrats OP. I was 24 when I had my DC and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. I completed my degree & postgrad a couple of years ago & DH also passed some important qualifications. We now own a lovely house and I’m convinced were it not for DD we would still be living where we were six years ago - having her has made us work so much harder & made us so more determined. I love that I’m relatively young with a five year old now, had her parents evening recently and came out bursting with pride. Have made some incredible friends through her too that I probably wouldnt have met otherwise ! We’ve had some lovely holidays and still manage the odd night out 😉 It is tough at times but you sound like you have a good support network & definitely keep up with your degree. All the best !!