Pregnant with unplanned baby... FREAKING OUT

[CobaltRose]

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 years old and have just discovered that I am pregnant. I've been on Nexplanon for two weeks and before that we used condoms, so this was VERY much unplanned.

I've been with my fiancé for 14 months but we don't live together yet. I'm very excited and happy, but also terrified of the unknown and just how we're going to manage!

My fiancé works full time and earns around £1200 a month. I only work part time (10 hours a week) as I'm also in my first year of university. I'm planning to finish my first year and then take a year off, returning in September 2019 at which point bubba will be just under a year old.

My fiancé has already started a savings account, and we were already planning on getting our own place even before I got pregnant. He's also asked his boss for extra hours. We have a great support network from both sides of the family, thankfully.

I'm absolutely terrified of how we're going to afford this baby. I know a lot my anxiety is probably raging hormones, but I'm honestly so so scared. How can we afford it? How hard is it going to be going back to uni with a young baby? AARRGHH I'm freaking out.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings...

@dawn96 you said not all but ‘probably most’ - Bit of a daft thing to say really wasnt it. Most people I know don’t take ‘ket every weekend’. How would you feel if I said most teen/young mums are irresponsible and should not be having kids!

Congratulations OP I’m glad you’re happy x

Yeah, the 'ket every weekend' comment was more than a little ignorant...

I obviously don't drink or do drugs now but I've NEVER done drugs and I rarely drank even before I got pregnant. Yes, a student who rarely drinks... they do exist

Yes "probably most" Of the people I know @MillieTant2018 I did state that in my post

@CobaltRose how is ignorant of me to share that most people I know my own age do ket every weekend ? Ignorant would be to ignore the fact that when I was a supervisor I'm a nightclub we found almost 200empty bags of it in one night (Tuesday student night) imagine how many more bags weren't dumped or that when I went to my only friends 21st birthday party everyone was gurning their tits off 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm sorry if it's different where you're from but where I'm from people aren't "living their lives" they're wasting them

@Justwaitingforaline, I'm studying Biochemistry. It's a three year long course. I've emailed my course leader (who is lovely) and informed her of my impending sprog and my plan.

Each year consists of two 12 week long modules. We have a LONG summer break. I finish my first year in April and the next year doesn't start until September! By April this year I'll only be three months gone. That gives me six months to work and save up money until bubba has finished cooking and is ready to greet the world (I'm about five weeks gone now, so baby must be due around late October).

Planning it all out like this makes it seem far less scary...

We were in a similar situation with our first, I was 22, only been together a year and I was debating uni/career options. Hadn’t had a lot of holidays/experiences etc together yet. We had a house but it was very small. 4 years later and we’ve just got married, bought our forever home and due second child in May. Our daughter is just starting to sleep more, play independently, go to preschool and she’s amazing. It’s been hard at times and even though I had been around babies before having your own is totally different anyway so don’t worry about that too much.
Lots of people buy more clothes etc than they need for their first children, I was definitely guilty of that and then when she grew out of it (or inevitably didn’t wear the newborn sized outfits/dresses etc) I sold it on for pennies. There will always be plenty of good quality second hand bits for babies and the only thing I’ve bought new is our pram for this one so far. It’s when they get older and need shoes etc when it gets harder but I try to buy similar colours or I only buy full outfits rather than random tops and bottoms. The next sale is a godsend!

You will be absolutely fine! Someone told me while I was pregnant if you and your kids attend can get through the first year of having a baby you can get through anything and it’s so true xx

kitten86 exactly dawn96 was insinuating that you would have been taking drugs instead of having a baby! Like drugs are the alternative to being a young mum 😂 Bonkers attitude!

Loads of amazing woman I know had babies young including my lovely mum who went on to have a brilliant career later in life. She would not have changed a thing 😊

@dawn96, please, I don't want to argue. I'm sorry if I've upset you but I honestly am just speaking from my own experience, as you are. I knew a girl who sniffed coke every weekend but she was a rarity in my friendship group. I'm sorry if you've not had the same experience.

Must admit I LOL'd at 'gurning their tits off'.... xD

My last post was meant for OP 😊

In terms of uni work and baby care, I did a teaching degree which was full on September to mid July. I managed with the help of my parents and my DP. There wasn’t a crèche I could use so I saved the bursary I got to buy the home we live in now.

Dawn, you're very bitter and not really sure what you're trying to achieve by arguing on this post. Yes, there is a big alcohol culture in this country, but it's not isolated to young people, middle aged people drink more on average, they just don't binge drink as much, but do drink regularly. To be honest, it's completely irrelevant to this post.

Colbolt Rose, good luck with everything and I hope you manage to complete your degree. You sound very mature and level headed.

Your tone here is really uneven. You say you're freaking out in your headline, but but at 5 weeks along (and unplanned, so presumably you have known for 2 weeks, 3 weeks absolute max) you are so happy, and have already emailed your supervisor to tell her of your plans to defer? You are studying biochemistry but weren't listening when they told you that for the first month of hormonal contraception you need to continue with condoms?

I was a young mum, it can work out well, and if you're happy, then I am so happy for you and congratulations. However unlike pps here I think that you do not sound terribly mature and put together about all this, and do think that you need to really sit down and really think this through, and if you are very keen to go ahead, make sure you have lined up every single support you possibly can to make sure you have a decent chance of finishing your degree.

@upsidedownandinsideout, I actually only found out I was pregnant three days ago, so have not had long to process it. Yes, I am freaking out because I think this is something worthy of being freaked out over! Does that mean I cannot feel happy too? Now that I've had a few days to process the shock (and it was a massive shock), I am happy. Is that such a heinous crime?

A month? I was only told to use condoms for a week after my Nexplanon was inserted, which I did. I was NEVER told to wait a month! All the documentation I was given told me to wait a week. So your inference that I wasn't listening is frankly quite insulting. Not that it made much difference as I was likely already pregnant (just) when it was inserted.

I am frankly very insulted by your comment.

Congrats OP!! You will be just fine if it helps - maybe sit down with your boyfriend and make some lists? Everything you think you will need and approx costs, money coming in and out - even lists on plans for work arrangements for you after baby is born? Even if you already have a good idea it helped me massively to see everything written down!!! As PP have said - you can buy LOADS of things second hand to save money it really helps! Check fb sales page in your area

You'll prob find the hardest bit about all of it is both of you deciding wether you want to find out the sex of the baby and baby names! congrats again very exciting

Fiancé not boyfriend sorry!!!

Oh, and this page also says you have to use condoms for seven days...

sexualhealthdg.co.uk/implant.php

NOT a month. Please stop spreading false information.

I have lots of baby stuff you can have. My dd is six months and outgrown a lot

What is with everyone leaving unhelpful comments?

The maturity of the OP and whether or not this is the best time is irrelevant. She’s already pregnant and is doing the right things to be prepared for it.

People need to stop judging and move along if they can’t say anything helpful.

I also love a good list and brainstorming session. Of course an unplanned pregnancy would take time to process. You just need to Google pregnant and scared to read other people's stories. You have 9 months to get prepared.

@Deborah543 lists are life

I'm frankly quite annoyed that me being both scared AND happy by an unplanned pregnancy (probably one of, if not THE most major thing one can go through) somehow indicates I am immature.

I emailed my lecturer to ensure they were informed and all precautions were taken. Because I'm doing a science based course we are in the labs a lot and often use chemicals. I have no idea if any of these might harm my baby so have informed my lecturers to ensure all precautions are in place. If that makes me immature, well....

I love making lists! Brainstorms? Mind maps? Good stuff.

CobaltRose you’re allowed to have conflicting emotions, this does not make you immature x

Disclaimer: have not read the whole thread.

Babies themselves aren't expensive, but childcare is. Also, depending on the area, you might need to arrange it up to a year in advance.

Not to scare you, but thought I'd mention it cos I saw a few people saying babies are cheap.

We're in the southeast and full time childcare is £1k a month.

I had my twins at 35 and I still hadn’t been around many babies and knew very little about them. They really aren’t that expensive. I buy pretty much everything second hand from clothes to big equipment. If you can breastfeed, that’s a huge cost eliminated. I use Tesco own nappies and it costs me less than £10 a week for both of them. Wipes are cheap if bought in bulk. Now they’re weaned they mostly eat what we eat, very few extra food costs except dairy and soy free stuff as they’re allergic.

Childcare would be the biggest cost - taking a year off uni is a good idea, and you could work around your bf’s schedule (couple of evenings a week, Saturday etc). I know lots of couples who do this for extra money.

Check out local preloved sales - I went when I was pregnant and got most of their clothes up to 12 months for a bargain. There are huge bundles of clothes on eBay and Gumtree for a pittance, same with all the baby stuff you need.