Partner wants to miss 20 week scan!

[Joanna92x]

So I literally have no idea what to think right now! Me partner & I are having our first child this year, in 4 weeks we have our 20 weeks scan booked for when I’ll be 22 weeks.
HOWEVER, there’s a football match on that day that my partner wants to go to out of the country instead of coming to my scan with me!!
I have a child already & had to do everything on my own, I’m starting to feel the same way now. He really won’t back down to come with me. I’m devastated

I assume the match is not on a Saturday as it would be unusual to have a scan then?
You can’t force him to come but I wouldn’t be showing him photos or sharing info about the baby.

Did he come to the first one? Is he generally supportive?

DH missed ds's 20 week scan, didn't really bother me tbh.

I think that sucks and I’d be really unimpressed. Sorry he’s being unsupportive.

Most of our scans are on Saturdays, newyear

Oh right I’ve never had one at the weekend except in an EPU.

Did he have the football tickets before the scan date? If so he isn't being U.

DH managed 12 wk scan with DS1. At 20 week scan with DS2 a congenital heart defect incompatible with life was identified. DH came to the follow up apt.

With DD he was in court for the 12 and 20 week scans and the hospital refused to rearrange them so we paid privately for both. For the 20 week private scan the hospital phoned and said it couldn't be done in the morning and rescheduled to the afternoon and DH couldn't attend due to a meeting that couldn't be rearranged. So we paid and I still did it alone.

I think you need to get this in perspective.

The scan is on a Wednesday, it’s a match we had planned to go to together for his birthday but we couldn’t afford it & now our scan is on that day we decided it would have to wait. His dad has now told him that he’s bought them tickets to go without even acknowledging me (we don’t get on as I exposed his cheating & I don’t care). But my partner who doesn’t get on with his dad wants to go, even though he hasn’t been to football in the 2 years we’ve been together. I’m just finding it very odd at the moment.

Il be really honest. It sounds like he's really not interested in the baby right now.

I don’t mind what people say, one friend thinks I’m over reacting the other said I’m right to be angry!
We planned since October to go to the match together, then after xmas we had no money so decided maybe not, then when our scan date arrived for that day we agreed we wouldn’t go, that was January 23rd.
His dad called him today & my partner is already planning the trip with no regards to our agreement our finances & our scan.

Can you rearrange the scan, if it's really important for him to be there?

If it's on a Wednesday and out of the country; I'm guessing it's a big Champions League game? The tickets don't come cheap and if he hasn't gone in two years, I'd be happy enough letting him go. It's a shame that it won't be with you; but you'd accepted that anyway.

20 week scans are exciting and I'd make every effort to be there, but it's not the be all and end all. If he's engaged with the pregnancy and hands on the rest of the time, it's not so bad to miss it for something that can't be moved, in my opinion.

You'll get drastically different answers from people who don't like football, though.

i love football! I even took him out the country to go to that stadium so we could chose our seats for when the tickets came it (they are only £25) so not extortionate, but flights & hotel are which is why we decided we couldn’t afford to go. I think I would be thinking differently but I’m already the one paying 100% of the bills so as soon as my money comes in it’s gone straight away on rent gas electric water food etc, he pays towards nothing in the house but lives here. I said we can’t afford to go & he agreed, but he can afford to go with his dad? Hmm!!
I tried to re arrange the scan but it’s nust not possible & I was already high risk with my last so it’s really stressing me out not having him there when in matter of fact he doesn’t HAVE to go to the match, as he was happy not going when we spoke about it before.

Hang on, hang on, massive drip feed. You have bigger problems than him valuing a football match over supporting you at the scan! Why is he not contributing to your joint household expenses and how is that going to pan out once you are on maternity leave???

My maternity leave will be the same as my wages for the first 6 months then drop to around £200 less after that. The more overtime I do now the more money I will receive on maternity.

Yes why is he not contributing

What? Why isn’t he contributing? Is he unemployed?

Why is he not contributing? My DH didn't come to the 20 week scan as he was working but he did come to a follow up app as the DD wasn't moving much had to go back 3 days later funny enough he come then. I wasn't bothered though and knew he was supporting me anyway in the pregnancy

I’m already the one paying 100% of the bills so as soon as my money comes in it’s gone straight away on rent gas electric water food etc, he pays towards nothing in the house but lives here.

So he’s a cocklodger then?

Please tell me this waste of space hasn’t access to your bank account! If he has, then lift your money out now or he’ll be helping himself to it and stop living with a fucking cocklodger!

Of course he doesn’t have access to my bank account I’m not silly 🤣 he stopped paying a few months ago as his dad has put him in 28k debt & he’s struggling, he’s currently off work sick with full pay but I know for a fact his whole wages goes towards paying that off, plus he paid for the baby pram £300 & the car seat £150. If we do go out for dinner or breakfast he does pay but I hate seeing him struggle & ive managed financially for the past 5 years, plus my daughters Dad pays a hefty child support so I felt like that helps me a lot.
I wouldn’t let him sponge off me, or live a life of luxury for free.

Plus he did buy me a car so I could get around!! X

I wouldn’t let him sponge off me, or live a life of luxury for free.

Hollow laugh. You're already doing that. Does he pay rent? The bills?

I pay my rent £380 a month, I pay my gas & electric as I get a reduced £40pm rate due to my daughters condition, I pay £30 a month water & I pay my own phone bill plus £20 WiFi. He pays for my car on finance & sometimes food shopping every other week

How has your dp's dad got your dp into & 28k of debt?

Plus I get DLA

How on earth has he got £28k of debt?

His dad ran up the debt & put it in my partners name! Because I exposed his cheating trust me it’s such a strange situation unless you know everything! But I shan’t plaster that all over the internet