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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner wants to miss 20 week scan!

38 replies

Joanna92x · 17/02/2018 15:49

So I literally have no idea what to think right now! Me partner & I are having our first child this year, in 4 weeks we have our 20 weeks scan booked for when I’ll be 22 weeks.
HOWEVER, there’s a football match on that day that my partner wants to go to out of the country instead of coming to my scan with me!!
I have a child already & had to do everything on my own, I’m starting to feel the same way now. He really won’t back down to come with me. I’m devastated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jkl0311 · 17/02/2018 17:39

So many red flags for me in this situation.... I would be seething if a parent run up 28k of debt I wouldn't want to hang out with them if I couldn't really afford to go in the first place. At what point did you know about this debt ?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/02/2018 17:42

Yeah there are a lot more red flags here then missing the scan. I'd put that one to the side and consider how this is really going to work going forward.

Both in terms of the relationship between you, him and his dad, and the fact that he isn't really contributing. How long ago did he get you a car? Before or after the £28k?

Original poster

Joanna92x · 17/02/2018 17:57

Okay so if you’ve ever heard of the BTCC then you’ll know he was a car racing driver on tv! It fucking expensive to do & hugely time consuming also. He was a driver in a car, which they were renting in his dads name, after the first few races his dad started being his 29 year old girlfriend which for me was a huge problem, so I told his mum why was happening. With that his dad told him that all the money they owed in racing was now in my partners name & for him to deal with because I told his mum about the woman (turns out there was actually 3). His dad still refuses to help him financially but there you go. I refuse to lol my once paying partner out onto the streets after it was my fault he was left in the situation. He got me the car after the situation happened as I have problems & couldn’t keep walking everywhere, he struggled to pay it but refuses not to.

OP posts:

Addy2 · 17/02/2018 21:09

Surely you'd approach the police for identity fraud? You can't just stick debt in any relative's name because you feel like it. Also, why the heck is he still talking to his dad? Doesn't make sense to me.

Garmadonsmum · 18/02/2018 11:04

He would be non contact with his dad after that, surely? How else could anyone handle such a betrayal?
How was the racing scheme meant to repay the debt anyway and why can’t your dp go ahead with that?
You do not want to become further embroiled with this family they sound awful.

MillieTant2018 · 18/02/2018 11:48

Wow what a selfish man.

borlottibeans · 18/02/2018 11:59

You can't just put 28k of debt in someone else's name. Either his dad has forged his signature on something, which is fraud, or he doesn't actually owe this money.

Garmadonsmum · 18/02/2018 12:02

Or, the son took out the loans required but thought his dad was equal partners with him...

HoppingPavlova · 18/02/2018 12:15

Ok, things are really askew in general and you have far greater than the situation re scan.

In regards to the scan though DH did not come to mine as he was working and organising time off was a pain in the arse. With one of my kids they identified significant problems at the 20 week scan and he then came with me for the next scan and any thereafter that were considered key - I had many, no way could he organise time off for them all. Never bothered me that he wasn’t there and I didn’t consider it related to any lack of interest.

Garmadonsmum · 18/02/2018 12:32

It’s horrendous to have to pass on bad news after a scan to your partner though - I’ve had to due to dh looking after other dc, it is easier if they are in the room with you at the time.

Garmadonsmum · 18/02/2018 12:33

(Sorry by “they” I mean your partner, def not your dc!)

Maryann1975 · 18/02/2018 12:44

There was someone on here last week saying their dh couldn’t come to the 20 week scan as he couldn’t get the time of work and she was furious he wasn’t bothered. I agreed with the dh there as work is really important to supporting the family. I’m going to agree with you on this one as a football match is not going to bring any benefit to the family. Yes, it’s good to have hobbies etc, but the family unit needs to come first.

I think you have quite big issues tbh and I’m not sure how you should be dealing with them. If fil had put us in massive amounts of debt without our knowing, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me or my children. I’m also a bit that you seem to think it’s ok to be supporting your dp with money that is meant to be used to support your child. Maintanence money from your ex (IMO) shouldn’t be used to support your new partner, I think that’s a bit wrong.

Amatree · 18/02/2018 12:51

Your problem here is that he's still all pally with his dad after what he's done. From what you've said I would leave the guy-doesn't sound like he has either a spine or any self respect, paying off this debt which wAs theft instead of supporting his family. Doesn't sound like much of a man to me.

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