Agree/disagreement on finding out sex of baby

[Babybear1117]

Hi everyone,
We have our 20 week scan this week and I have been pretty much adamant that we are finding out the sex. This is our first and I'm far too impatient to wait until the baby is here! (Plus I'm going to a crochet class next week and want to learn to make little hats etc in blue or pink so people can identify baby without the awkward questions)
Anyway my DP this whole time has been like I'd like a surprise but if you want to find out we will. Tonight he's aired his views and said he doesn't really want to find out and said 'is that really how you want to find out by some man or woman in a hospital room'
I've tried to make it a little better for him by saying we could get her to write it in an envelope and we'll read it 2 days later - our day off together.
He ideally wants to wait 16 days for his parents to get back from holiday and get our families together to do a little reveal. Don't get me wrong I'd be completely up for this if I didn't have to wait another 16 days!! I feel so impatient already! We had a scan at 7 and half weeks then our 12 week scan so this one seems a long time coming!
What are your opinions? Did you and your partner disagree and what did you decide on?
TIA

[Babybear1117]

Pink avocado
He says if I find out he wants to know that's my problem, it's either neither or us know or we both know haha, which to be fair I don't blame him for because I'd say the same if I wanted a surprise and he wanted to find out

YerAuntFanny
Oh that's funny! I have no hope then I moswell not bother with colours and stick to white! I guess like you say family and friends will know an strangers don't matter

Falloutofbed2wice
Thank you! Glad to hear you recommend did it not do your head in not knowing when you saw things in shops? X

[YerAuntFanny]

Boots and Frugi make (well they did, I'm not sure if they still do!) loads of cool, colourful stuff that can be used for either or.

Incidentally though I was partial to a white babygrow and a cute colourful cardigan in the early days, no idea why but i just find babies in plain white the most adorable thing :o

[rcast79]

We found out both times. For us it was really nice to find out in a calm and peaceful environment. It was a 'surprise' at 20 weeks instead of 40. Have to say I had a very strong feeling on which gender they were both times so it wasn't a complete surprise. Even though both my labours were full on the moment you meet your little is AMAZING and probably knowing or not knowing doesn't take away from that. 😊

[Babybear1117]

@YerAuntFanny
Thanks I'll have a look! Morrison's nutmeg do some lovey neutrals I have a few bits already.

@rcast79
Thankyou! That's what I keep thinking nothing is going to change that moment wether we know or not x

[Scoobysue10]

Hi there.
I am on my 3rd pregnancy.
I didn't find out the sex with my first two until they were born.
I just wanted that element of surprise.
I am 11wks +2 and the suspense of not knowing is killing me. Lol.
At first I didn't want to know but my partner did. Can't wait to find out.
We have already picked our gender names and blob already has a pink teddy night light.
When I had my daughter is had a blue pram. She was dressed head to toe in knitted pink clothes yet when people looked in they still presumed she was a boy because I had a blue pram.
We are going to have a gender reveal party. Really can't wait.

[Fia256]

I'll be finding out with this one, we are going to go to a private clinic and they do a package where you can buy one of those balloons that you pop and either pink or blue confetti falls out! We aren't going to be having a party or anything, but thought it would be an exciting way to include our 2 DC who are 7 and 4 and let them pop the balloon with just a few family members there. We'll record it and then send it to family and friends!

And as for people asking is it a boy or a girl, with DD I had a lilac coloured pram and she was dressed head to toe in pink, with pink teddies and a pink flowery blanket. An old lady looked in at her and still asked if she was a boy or a girl

[userabcname]

I found out the sex - it made it seem much more real to me! Also I was worried about deciding on a name as I thought DH and I would have wildly differing tastes (although actually we settled on a name quite easily!). I didn't regret knowing - we started calling the bump by his name and got a few personalised bits and bobs. I think if I have another I would keep it as a surprise but definitely for a first pregnancy I totally get why you want to know!

[peterpanwendy]

My DP had reservations, as do his whole family! We haven't found out yet (still too early) but that's been the hot question since telling them our news and it's always met with an 'ohhh no why would you want to do that?' It's such a personal thing but if you just explain to DH why it is so important (I completely get it with the clothes thing! You're so limited with neutral!) but also the bonding between you and them and the naming and the nursery, the list goes on! He may understand. My DP has and has agreed to find out. Plus why can't you both find out 2 days later on your day off together (I love this idea) and then reveal to his family 16 days later?

[Sarahh2014]

You could find out and ask them not to tell your dp so you are both happy

[Dottieroses]

Just something to consider, my sister and husband wanted to find out but like you said, wanted to do this privately at home rather than in the scan room with a stranger, that was the plan, they told everyone this plan, had a special card and envelope made for the sonographer to write the sex and put it in an envelope. Got there and the sonographer absolutely refused to write the sex on the paper. Not because she is mean, because it's against the hospital rules. So they had to decide there and then whether to not find out or the sonographer to just tell them. They chose to just be told but I know my sister was quite deflated afterwards and wished she hadn't found out as the surprise element isn't quite the same. Do what your heart tells you, but if the envelope is your plan, be prepared to be told no. I think most hospitals won't, if you want the envelope scenario you have to get a private gender scan 🙂 Just didn't want you to be prepared and then disappointed like my sister! 🙂

[sunshinestorm]

Unisex stuff doesn't need to be all white and boring, there's plenty of really cute clothes in gorgeous bright colours. All of my favourite clothes my DC had as a tiny baby were the gender neutral bits!

[smudge44]

We have our 20 week scan this week too. Part of me is tempted to find out, but my fiancé is firm that she would like the suprise. I can see where she is coming from, and it will be nice to have the "it's a ...." moment at birth. As long as baby is healthy and happy I will be happy.

[pumpkinbump]

I have the same issue at the moment. I don't want to know and he does. On your situation, if your partner wants to wait another 16 days to reveal the sex I don't think that's much of a big ask to wait much longer.

[pumpkinbump]

Sorry that much longer I meant.

[Passmethecakeplease]

I'm less than a month away from my due date, don't know what I'm having and I'm actually really pleased I stuck it out to have a surprise. We originally were going to find out as well.

Each to their own when it comes to finding out or not but I do think you need to be on the same page with it and prob best to stick with not knowing until you agree to find out.

Also, FWIW, it doesn't bother me what colour my baby wears or if someone thinks he/she is the opposite sex to whatever they then out to be. I've also got around calling the baby 'it' by giving a nickname or just saying 'baby' instead.

[goingagain]

As someone above has said, not sure sonographers will necessarily agree to write it down for you....

FWIW we never found out with any of ours, and asked he consultant / midwife not to tell us in the delivery room. Some of my most wonderful memories are picking up my children after they have literally just been born to find out. We have four boys...

[NC1990]

We found out what we were having at a private scan at 16 weeks. It was one of the most special days of my life and knowing we were having a daughter made the pregnancy feel that bit more 'real'. The day she was born was completely magical (and overwhelming!), knowing she was a girl did not take away from that in any way. I do find it a bit insulting when people insinuate that finding out somehow makes the birth less special, imo that's really not possible when you're welcoming a new baby into the world.

[Wuffleflump]

ObiJuanKenobi We're expecting twins, but I felt that gave us an automatic out on 'it': we can use 'they'!

On the other hand if we don't find out the sex(es) we do have to think up more names, and think about whether all combinations work together.

[RebeccaWrongDaily]

i've not found out with any of mine. I was tempted with the last one (not because I had a preference, just because I knew it was my last). We held off, my favourite bit is the genuine surprise, and I loved DH telling me what we had had whilst sobbing.

[Cutesbabasmummy]

We both really wanted a girl despite the fact that the odds were against us (no girls in DH's family for 120 years and 4 nephews!) So we wanted to find out. We have a beautiful little boy who is just 3. I'm pleased we found out as it helped me to bond with him before he was born and I always thought of him as my little boy and it helped DH too.It was also nice for us to buy some cute boy clothes although his bedroom is very neutral.

[spiderlight]

We found out. I really wanted to know, DH wasn't bothered either way, but in the end the decision was made for us because the first image that appeared on the screen looked like something a teenage boy would draw on a bus stop. It was hilarious, and when I asked for confirmation at the end, the radiographer burst out laughing and said 'Oh, thank goodness you wanted to know!'

[ikulanappa]

We knew that our youngest was a boy as we had a very obvious view whilst the scan was being done! We didn't tell anyone else - we already had one boy anyone and didn't want to risk any stupid comments about not having one of each (already happening via certain inlaws who were quickly reminded that this was out double rainbow baby and we want them healthy). We had 'comedy' neutral names for both bumps to avoid the 'it' issue.
I also wouldn't worry about pink/blue, all babies are cute whatever gender they are, even if it's hard to tell apart. Plus there are so many beautiful colour combos out there so why limit yourself? (Also it really annoyed MIL when we refused to let her know what we were having so she had to stray out of her safe zone of blue/pink - we received some beautiful turquoise knitted gear instead!) Good luck with it all!

[Minxmumma]

We have 4 including twins and have never found out. Whilst I am epically impatient I wanted that moment when your baby is given to you the first time to find out.

People who asked what we were having were usually told 'a puppy' with a smile.

[coffeeforone]

My DH wants a surprise. I want to find out, as I would prefer a girl (already have a DS, we only want two DC and I've always dreamed of a daughter).
If it's a boy, I'd prefer to know in advance, and get any mild disappointment over with, and have time to unconditionally bond with DS before he is born.

[ljwynne2010]

We have 3 DC, our DD1 we both found out at the 20week scan, our DD2 I found out and my DH wanted a surprise so I kept it from him for the remainder of my pregnancy and DS1 neither of us knew as my DH convinced me a surprise was amazing and I would love it. If I were to recommend any to any one currently pregnant I would say have a surprise. It honestly made the labour and finding out just amazing when we found out the gender. Neither of us will ever forget that moment as long as we live. Not that we will for our DDs either but it was something else. Whatever you decide, don't rush the decision take time to think it over, good luck and best wishes