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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Agree/disagreement on finding out sex of baby

74 replies

Babybear1117 · 11/02/2018 23:08

Hi everyone,
We have our 20 week scan this week and I have been pretty much adamant that we are finding out the sex. This is our first and I'm far too impatient to wait until the baby is here! (Plus I'm going to a crochet class next week and want to learn to make little hats etc in blue or pink so people can identify baby without the awkward questions)
Anyway my DP this whole time has been like I'd like a surprise but if you want to find out we will. Tonight he's aired his views and said he doesn't really want to find out and said 'is that really how you want to find out by some man or woman in a hospital room'
I've tried to make it a little better for him by saying we could get her to write it in an envelope and we'll read it 2 days later - our day off together.
He ideally wants to wait 16 days for his parents to get back from holiday and get our families together to do a little reveal. Don't get me wrong I'd be completely up for this if I didn't have to wait another 16 days!! I feel so impatient already! We had a scan at 7 and half weeks then our 12 week scan so this one seems a long time coming!
What are your opinions? Did you and your partner disagree and what did you decide on?
TIA

OP posts:

Report

ObiJuanKenobi · 17/02/2018 17:57

Thinking of you OP

BakedBeans47 · 16/02/2018 23:09

Take care. Let us know how you get on if you feel able to xxx

Babybear1117 · 16/02/2018 21:16

@Roseandmabelshouse @BakedBeans47 thank you. It will be fine just need some time, got another appointment Monday so we will know more then x

OP posts:

Roseandmabelshouse · 16/02/2018 20:59

Wishing you the best op. I think sometimes it's easy to loose sight of the purpose of the scan. But I hope you are feeling more positive after chatting to your midwife - she sounds reall supportive.

BakedBeans47 · 16/02/2018 20:15

Babybear hope everything is ok xx

Babybear1117 · 16/02/2018 18:32

Thank you everyone.
Had our scan this morning, got some not so nice news so to be honest we wasn't all that bothered by finding out the sex or not. After we'd talked with the midwife she took us back for another scan and the sonographer has written it inside our envelope for us to open whenever we like x

OP posts:

beautygal29 · 14/02/2018 20:33

If it makes you feels any better my son was always dressed in blue and people always said “ah isn’t she lovely!” Because he had long eyelashes! People are stupid and will say what you don’t want to hear anyway!

Roseandmabelshouse · 14/02/2018 16:43

I personally loved the build up and surprise on the day. It really got me through the pushing knowing I was finally going to find out what we were having. A really exciting moment!

Roseandmabelshouse · 14/02/2018 16:42

My nephew has been dressed in head to toe blue and for years has been referred to as a girl!

qate · 14/02/2018 09:16

We didn't find out - we'd originally planned on finding out together in the delivery room when he/she arrived, but as it was an emergency section, ultimately my husband told me when he brought our son down to the recovery room. We loved not knowing - always said that we'd not find out with the first but would for the second for planning purposes, but we enjoyed not finding out until the delivery so much that we've said that we won't find out for the second either. I know it's probably a bit over-sentimental, but I really liked the idea of finding out when he/she first entered the world the practical planning aspects didn't really bother us.

newyearsameme80 · 13/02/2018 23:21

Waited for birth both times, would not have liked it any other way. I managed to find plenty of dinky clothes to buy that would not offend anyone’s sensibilities.

HoobleDooble · 13/02/2018 23:18

I wish we'd found out for 2 reasons;

We we're saving it so we could have that "Congratulations Mrs Hooble its a ..." moment. Which didn't happen as I was under general anaesthetic having had an ECS
DH's Dad died suddenly 6 weeks before DS was born, he already had a granddaughter (our DN) so it would have been nice to have been able to tell him he was going to have a one of each.

If we'd been lucky enough to have another I think we'd have had to have found out for practical reasons (we only have a 2 bedroomed house).

BakedBeans47 · 13/02/2018 23:13

I probably sound pretentious but I don't want my 'boy' called a 'girl' or visa versa

You don’t sound pretentious but good luck if you think a pink or blue hat will necessarily stop people getting the sex wrong

I didn’t find out with either of mine neither of us wanted to know first time and second time I did but my husband didn’t so in the end we felt it was worse to know when you didn’t want to than to not know when you did

Catra · 13/02/2018 23:10

I found out at 12 weeks that I was having a girl because I had the Harmony test. I'm currently 17 weeks and DH and I have already chosen her name and refer to her by it all the time. I'd hate the thought of having to wait until 20 weeks to find out, let alone until the birth! Personally it's helped me bond with the baby as well as helping me plan what I need to buy.

floriad · 13/02/2018 22:28

I don't want to know.

Idk, we live in such a gendered world.

I don't want people to have these kinds of expectations before the LO is before...

DH was fine with waiting. (but would have liked to know, to be very honest.)

expatinscotland · 13/02/2018 21:48

It's going to be a surprise whether it's at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. It's your body! If you want to find out, then find out. All this twee round it is silly.

WanderingStar1 · 13/02/2018 21:38

I agree OP - couldn't bear not knowing if it was possible to know, I'm far too nosy . I was having twins and had a feeling they were boys, so talked to them as though they were, but wanted to find out if I could. At 20 weeks they told me one was definitely a boy, and they thought the other was a girl but apparently they can't be sure (you can see 'bits' but if they aren't there they could just be out of view, apparently). Anyway, we therefore had an idea but not for sure - in fact we did get one of each which was amazing - but I never regretted finding out as much as I could, as soon as I could. But don't knit too much of one colour, just in case it's wrong.......

reluctantbrit · 13/02/2018 20:32

We didn’t find out as DH really wanted it as a surprise. I would have preferred knowing it but I didn’t it as such an importance to make a fuss about it.

Re clothing colour - my best friend got a huge pack of hand me downs from her SIL and as I was due before her I got it first. It was a huge pack of blue, pink and neutral. Our pram was bright red. I couldn’t care less if people asked or mis-Guessed the gender. I often clothed DD in anything she liked, regardless which section in the shops it came from, her favourite T-Shirts had Thomas the Tank Engine,

cherryontopp · 13/02/2018 19:18

I was 50/50 - couldn't decide

DP wanted a surprise.

He won and im so glad!

Im due any day now and yes it can be frustrating not being able to buy pink or blue- but you can do that when baby is here.
Also my friend had a girl, she had a pink n grey pushchair with pink blanket and people still asked her if it was a girl or a boy.

This is my first baby and the only way im not absolutely shitting myself over the birth, is I know that ill finally know if I have a son or a daughter

AlbertaSimmons · 13/02/2018 19:08

Girl or boy isn’t much of a surprise is it really? On the scale of surprises I mean. It’s only a question of timing - do you want to find out now, or a bit later? Doesn’t change anything.

When DS2 was born, the midwife handed him to me so I could see for myself. I said “ooh a boy” and DH said “ how do you know?” . He then said that I’d “jumped the gun” and should wait for “official confirmation”. . He’s never lived it down.

TurquoiseDress · 13/02/2018 18:55

*we had not really discussed it much before the scan!

TurquoiseDress · 13/02/2018 18:54

We found out the sex with our first at the anomaly scan, after we got the all clear that everything appeared to be normal, the doctor asked if we wanted to know.

We had really discussed it much before the scan, but me & DH just looked at each other and said yes at the same time so that was that!

It didn't take away from any of the excitement of finally meeting our LO, I would say that personally for me, it made it more exciting- we knew the sex and had a name lined up.

Either way, it will still be amazing as you are going to meet your new baby!

Re the awkward questions from strangers- I think that probably for the first 12 months or so, people will tend to ask if it's a boy or a girl but that's because babies look like, well, babies.

I tended to put my LO in white/neutral baby grows and often people would ask is it a boy/girl but that's just normal, I didn't specially dress them according to gender I could not be arsed to dress them up in gender specific outfits i.e. dress for girls, jeans for boys

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noeffingidea · 13/02/2018 16:34

First - hospital refused to tell us due to policy
Second - we asked and were told
Third - didn't ask.
It didn't make any difference to the excitement level, tbh. And even though I knew I was having a boy during my 2nd pregnancy I didn't buy anything in blue, because they do occassionally get it wrong.
As for people asking if they're a boy or a girl, even dressing them in the appropiate colour doesn't stop some people.

Knittingsavesme · 13/02/2018 13:28

I’m a knitter and when I had mine there was no option to find out the sex. I knitted boy and girl things, knowing I could always gift anything I didn’t plan to use. Why don’t you do that? Baby wool is relatively inexpensive. Mine lived in babygros for most of the first couple of months. All you need are some cardigans and, after this time, you’ll just about be coming up for air and can knit something ‘sex specific’.

ljwynne2010 · 13/02/2018 13:28

We have 3 DC, our DD1 we both found out at the 20week scan, our DD2 I found out and my DH wanted a surprise so I kept it from him for the remainder of my pregnancy and DS1 neither of us knew as my DH convinced me a surprise was amazing and I would love it. If I were to recommend any to any one currently pregnant I would say have a surprise. It honestly made the labour and finding out just amazing when we found out the gender. Neither of us will ever forget that moment as long as we live. Not that we will for our DDs either but it was something else. Whatever you decide, don't rush the decision take time to think it over, good luck and best wishes

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