44 and pregnant 😣

[Butterfli24]

Hello... just wanted to let off steam! Basically I already have 5 children 😣😍 my eldest is 22 and just started work after graduating from uni. My daughter is 20 and my teens are 17 and 14. I fell unexpectedly at 40 with my 4 year old after the gp took out my coil which I'd had in for 10 years!!! It was so painful that I didn't have it replaced and anyway gp said due to it being in so long and my age I would not fall pregnant 🙄... a month later I went back to tell her I was pregnant 😂. I was in shock and so were the kids but I'm so glad it happened as he's brought so much joy to our lives.

Well in February last year I had to take on care of my granddaughter as my daughter wasn't managing ( lo has a heart condition amongst other things bless her) due to my daughter having her own issues to deal with she couldn't cope and after a lot of case conferences social services recommended I take lo on a special guardianship to prevent her being taken into care 😑. So I went through tons of assessments and finally the court ruled I can have the ago after glowing reports from the health professionals. Lo had a heart operation in March and is thriving and happy. Well now after one slightly tipsy Halloween party I have discovered baby number 6!!!! is on the way 😣😫🙈.
When I told my OH he just shrugged and said " oh well don't suppose it's going to make much difference now!" I thought that myself. But I am going to be 45 when baby arrives in July. I kind of feel embarrassed about it tbh. I'm scared to tell the kids too 🙊... I feel healthy and I'm looking after my 4 year old and 17 month granddaughter plus I am a childminder 🤣.... so kids are always around me.
I just wondered if anyone has any similar experience.... I feel like I might be judged on a) my age and b) how many children I have! Although 2 have left home too!
My attitude is to just get on with it. I mean there was no question of me not going through with it. But on my dates I am 16 weeks as I know when conception was but midwife is going on lmp because I had a small bleed after. So I'm still awaiting a dating scan which is due for the 18th when I'm going to be 18 week's! So I'm also worried and nervous that lo is Ok!

Okay I'll stop lol!! Thanks for reading and any advice or reassurance would be gratefully received 😘
T x

Blimey that's a lot to cope with.

I can't believe your GP told you at 40 that you would not fall pregnant??

Madness, but good luck with it all.

Wow, that's a lot to cope with but you sound absolutely amazing and all of the DC's are very lucky to have you! It sounds like if anybody can do it, you can! Good luck OP!

I know!! Bit irresponsible wasn't it. And yes it is a lot to cope with. It's been a shock to the system but I guess you just get on with it. 😊

Surely at 40 you knew for yourself the risks and that it's perfectly possible to fall pregnant at that age? I'm also legitimately shocked that a GP would actually say something like that.

Hi Butterfli
Firstly congratulations...it's strange to hear that isn't it when you didn't plan to become pregnant.
I am very nearly 44 and expecting dc3 next month (I also have a four year old and a pre-teen, not quite six children but there are similarities). Well I had tests before I had dc2 which said I was headed for the menopause pronto in fact 5 years ago the fertility consultant informed me that I was highly unlikely to have any more children without IVF and what's more I had the insides of a 45 year old (five years ago). Naively thinking that it just wasn't going to happen again (and not being able to take any form of hormonal contraception) just forgot about having any more children, so I can see how it's done!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed as I have also previously had a late loss...but I can categorically say that this will be my last pregnancy.
I do get the embarrassment bit...All of my friends have children 8 years plus and here I am starting all over again...not to mention my dh is a lot older than me too and this will be child no. 5 for him (two grown up). I'm trying not to consider my age (my mind is trying to act like a 20 something...whilst my body is working damn hard to try and keep up).
I found it difficult to tell my eldest daughter (nearly 12) who thinking she had gotten away with being an only child (but really loves her sister) said "oh no not another one." Technically my stepchildren are both easily old enough to have their own children so I did find this aspect a bit awkward. Your ohs reaction made me smile...it was along the same lines as my dh.
I have met older mothers in the past (around my age or a year or two older) so we are not on our own. Fortunately, I am often mistaken for being a lady in their 30's so this helps me to feel better about things...I am considering a lot of it is state of mind though (barring any health conditions etc.). My consultant said to me that he would much rather be dealing with me at my age and relatively healthy/not overweight than a younger woman ticking these boxes which gave me some reassurance. That was bad advice from your GP (an assumption more than anything). However, I had actual tests that said my probability was very low (and a no. of years of infertility prior to dc2) and it still happened so don't be too hard on yourself x Wishing you all the best.

I had DC3 at 42. I am 45 and I have to say, it depends on your personality. I can't do Baby-World all day long. I was much more into the little kid phase when I was a younger mum. Now that I am older, I find my mind wandering towards dreams I want to fulfill, things I want to do. So that might hit you hard... then again, it might not. It depends on your personality. If you love being around the kids all the time and feel very fulfilled in that role, then I'd say you'll be absolutely grand. I personally would not do well with another one at my age (45). But that's me! Not you. You're probably a great deal more patient than I am.

The one thing I find difficult is that all of my friends who were once young mums with me- our eldest kids are in uni/Sixth Form now- are waaaaay past the baby phase and doing so many things with their lives. They left soft play centres years ago and get to use their brains. I find that hard, no lie. But again, that's me. I am a creative person and I need time to feed that side of me. I suffer a bit admittedly because I don't get a chance to.

But you know, if you love the kiddie thing and don't get too burnt out, I reckon you'll manage just fine. It will be tough. I don't need to tell you that. You're writing your post because you know it will be tough. You've got a lot on and number 6 will add more stress... and joy too. As long as your DH is hands-on and supportive, you'll be grand. Congrats!

I feel healthy and I'm looking after my 4 year old and 17 month granddaughter plus I am a childminder 🤣.... so kids are always around me.

So, you've answered your own concerns! You'll be absolutely fine! I could NEVER do what you do. But you can and you do, and isn't that what matters most?

I'd have logged a major complaint against the GP.

sorry to focus on that but still worth doing as they might be telling women the same thing years on...?

Hi @Butterfli24!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I've just turned 37 (so just a tad younger) and this is pregnancy number four for me - very much unexpected but loved and wanted regardless!

My eldest son is 18 in a couple of months and off to uni this October. My daughter has just turned 13, and my youngest boy will be 6 by the time number four turns up end of May!

I'm also a childminder! It's a busy life, ey?!?

I do think we're mad, but a little madness in life can be fun! From the sounds of things, you're amazing with children so I think you'll have a blast with number six, your granddaughter and your four year old!
I'm planning on cutting back on the childminding while the baby is small but I'll still do before and after schoolers.

Good luck with it all. You'll be fine. She is just a number after all! X

As pp said, if anyone can do it, you can. You've clearly successfully raised kids so why not keep going if you want to and none of the others are suffering for it.

Tbh, since this clearly isn't your first rodeo, perhaps you knew really that you could conceive when you feel with number four but were happy to let nature take it's course, ditto your tipsy Halloween result and that's fine too as long as you knew what could happen and are well able to deal with the results

A) age is just a number. You sound like a great mum!

B) you're very lucky to have such a large, loving family!

No one, worth of anything, will judge you negatively!!!

Congratulations btw!!

Dear butterfli- congratulations !

I'm also 44, I have 6 kids at home (stepdaughter aged 17 my own aged 9,8,6,5 and 3). Plus a stepson at uni.

I think it's amazing you took on your granddaughter and well done you. I feel quite emotional to hear about it and I'm glad she is doing ok health wise. I'm sure your daughter is incredibly grateful you've kept her with the family.

Your husband is right- one more won't make any difference! It's big brothers and sisters will love it and it will be part of a busy happy family. I think he/she is a very lucky baby .

I never meant to have a big family. I hate soft play centres with a passion. But while at 44 I wouldn't intentionally hang out with babies...I think my own will be an exception! And soft play isn't compulsory....

Congratulations! Let us know how you get on at your scan!

Oh and Don't be embarrassed. If you are confident when you announce it, everyone will be happy for you. (This advice is easy for me to give! But the 17yo is going to kill me and I'm dreading it, ha ha!)

TheVanguard

I can fully understand where you're coming from when you say you couldn't do babyworld all day long (and soft play is hideous, I think). I too have a creative side and was applying for jobs etc. when I found out I was pregnant...so was sort of trying to get my adult life back together if that makes sense - dh says things like...you are only postponing things by another four years!!!! To be honest though, there is only one other mum that I know of who is actually doing things that she wants to...the others seem to be stuck in dead end jobs (and I don't mean to be disrespectful) but they haven't branched out and found other jobs etc (and I know from experience that isn't easy), I guess because they still have school aged children. There is a thread running about ladies being in their mid 40's and hitting a kind of crisis and not knowing what to do next because their children don't need them so much but being stuck with mortgage payments or other limiting factors; I take a cold comfort from that.

It is the walking to 3 year old stage, I think I'm going to find particularly difficult and being launched into the toddler group scene again (just to get out of the house and maintain some sanity). I did feel so much better once my youngest dd started pre-school and I could retrieve a bit of me time (no extended family etc.). I suppose deep down I have always wanted a larger family though and I really do feel blessed but it does feel a bit more daunting when others around you appear to be moving on to different phases.
It sounds as if Butterfli has the right temperament for being surrounded by children though from the description she has given and will do just fine.
I have been asked a few times if my pregnancy was planned. Now I just say yes (very intrusive question I think and really no-one else's business!)

Is it really that common to fall pregnant at 40 or older ??
I thought after 35 that was pretty much it that it would be a rare occurrence as fertility declines ?
I’ve just had dc5 and I’m 35.....I was assuming after bf is done with I’d be unlikely to be able to have any more so I’m surprised at this thread !
Good luck OP I hope all is well when you have your scan x

Oh dear.

Congrats op!

You give me hope it isnt too late for me.

You sound like a great mum and have the right setup as well. One of the best childminders I ever had was a mum of ten. All absolutely gorgeous. You couldn't tell which ones were hers and which ones were the mindees Good luck! and just tell the kids, they'll be alright.

Hedge - Loads of women conceive well into their mid forties, yes fertility declines but you are still fertile enough to make a baby.

My mum unexpectedly had number eight baby at 45. She’d also just finished a degree. There was lots of judging from others but, fuck em, my littlest brother is 18 now and the smartest out of the lot of us. He’s been absolutely no bother. Just slotted straight in.

Can I venture a little congratulations?!

I fell pregnant at 44 when we got a bit more relaxed about contraception thinking we were getting a bit past it! We were then devasted when I miscarried at 11 weeks and after having some fertility tests done (AMH level was very good for my age) we decided to ttc .After several more miscarriages we decided to give up, at which point we discovered I was pregnant with DD3 who was born just after my 46th birthday after an uncomplicated pregnancy. It’s brilliant, she’s a joy to the whole family, even with a 21 yr age gap between oldest and youngest the whole family dynamic works. I have a whole extra group of friends, mums/ grandmas from playgroups even though a lot of my other friends had older children. I don’t find it harder to manage than when I was younger, in fact if anything we’re more relaxed and laidback. Yes, some people think we’re mad, we’ve had the question several times “was she planned” and we confuse people when we’re out as a family as to who’s who, (DS is 24,DD1 18, Dd2 14) but we feel absolutely blessed and I would recommend older parenthood!

BTW, would you have a private scan? Seems a long wait if you’ll be 18 weeks at your dating scan!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

You'll do great :) xxx

Love and strength to you... amazing lady.⭐️

Congratulatiins. I've just had dc3 at 44 (now 45). It was the best pregnancy and delivery of the 3. I get what you say about feeling a bit concerned about what others think. I was very sheepish telling people. But nobody seemed to bat an eyelid (to my face) and now I'm in the swing of baby life, I rarely remember I am 10 years older than last time I was on the baby circuit . And I've made new friends with babies (one of whom is 43 and another 42!)

Ahh... thanks for the great messages everyone. It's nice to hear stories similar to mine. X

Hi riverside2. I have changed my name as i deleted my account by accident 🙃.... anyway. The same gp told me there was nothing wrong with my daughter's mental health as I was concerned about her behaviour at 14. 2 weeks later she self Harmed so bad her arms and legs were in shreds! 😢. She's now 20 and still not been diagnosed or had a proper mental health assessment. X