20 weeks scan question

[MummaJJ]

Hey all! Just a quick question with regards to the 20 week scan. DP and I well aware it's to check baby's health but do the techs understand it's such an exciting experience for us expectant parents?

It's amazing to see baby on the screen and of course we're praying all is well health wise.

With my first we got all settled for the scan etc. Then you get all your checks, all is well and the tech seems happy with everything she's managed to do. So you're happy.

She then asks if you have any questions. Of course for a lot of people it's whether we can find out the sex of dear baby.

Never in my life have I been so deflated when they get so upset about being asked that question.

Surely they know a lot of families want to know this?

So with my first we never knew as we couldn't afford a private scan back then. It was lovely to have a surprise in the end.

This time round my DP is keen to find out. I'm so scared of being fobbed off again.

We had our 20 weeks scan today. Unfortunately baby was in an awkward position and the tech couldn't get all the measurements required so we're due back again in 2 weeks.

How did you all ask about your baby's sex at your scan?

Why don't the techs ask if you wanna know? Surely they understand how exciting this is for most couples??

Any Feedback is appreciated xx

Mine did ask if we wanted to know. We did, they told us, no problem.

Some Trusts do have a blanket policy of not revealing the sex though. Very sadly, it’s a safeguarding issue.

Got asked if we wanted to know what was between the legs. Me being VERY over anxious thought they meant the baby had some problem. They meant sex, obviously. We did so they told us.

Ours told us too.

The technician said something like 'oh are you looking forward to seeing the baby?' and I replied along the lines of 'yeah we really are, and if you manage to get a glimpse then we'd love to know the sex as well.' she was fine with it.

I have heard that some trusts won't tell you the sex in case you complain or kick up a fuss if they're wrong.

They’re called sonographers. Some are also midwives.

Of course they understand it’s exciting. But it doesn’t follow that they think finding out the sex is important.

You don’t say how your last sonographer ‘got upset’. Did they refuse to tell you? I can see if you’ve had a bad experienced you’d be nervous this time but my experience is that at the end of the scan they say ‘would you like to know the sex?’

Please bear in mind that that sonographer may have had to give parents some awful news that day. It must be hard to see parents come in all excited and know that you might about to change all that. You can see why they might get a bit tetchy although that doesn’t mean you were wrong to ask.

I got asked if we wanted to know, said yes please, he said he'd do all the other checks first and if he could see he'd let us know.
Could well be you're in an area where they don't tell you- my friend is in an area like that.

I was asked if I wanted to know. I didn't so she told me when to turn away from the screen.

Some Trusts do have a blanket policy of not revealing the sex though. Very sadly, it’s a safeguarding issue.

I never thought about the above.

I don’t really understand what you mean about the tech being upset at being asked what the sex is? Why would they get upset?
We asked and our tech happily told us.
If it’s the policy of the trust not to tell you then surely they would just say that and not be bothered by it.

Mine asked if we wanted to know and I've always had really lovely sonographers in all my scans (I've had lots of bleeding in all pregnancies and one mc too, so I've had lots of scans over the years). With our first, we didn't want to know and they were fine with that, but did ask us. With our second, we did want to know but wanted her to write it down (and not tell us) so we could find out later at home with our dd. She was not only happy to do that, but also printed out a scan photo and wrote a personal message on it to our dd announcing the sex and made into a little card for us to give to her. Yes, this was at an NHS scan. We've always had positive experiences. Sounds like they are just really moody where you go!

No I don't think it's a trust thing as I know many people that have been told before. By upset I mean she got a bit huffy about it. She made a big sigh waved the wand over my belly quite quickly all blurry on the screen and said "no baby's not being cooperative" then said somewhat sarcastically "but your baby's healthy" which we knew anyway since she had said positive things throughout and she never had any issues during the scan and we knew if there were concerns in the scan a doctor/ another tech would have been called for a second opinion etc.

I can understand that she may be having a bad day or had just maybe given bad news to other expecting couples but it was such a shame to deflate our experience.

I know we are lucky and blessed. I couldn't care less what sex baby is but my partner can't exactly indulge in my experience so it'd be nice if he could have a little something.

Some trusts aren’t able to tell you, when I had my girl in February 2017 I asked if we could find out and the sonographer was lovely and said if the baby shows her then she can tell us but couldn’t get me to change positions, empty my bladder etc to actually get the answer.... When I had follow up growth scans I asked each time for the gender as I was so sure I was having a boy but they wouldn’t tell me ‘they are there to check no problems with baby’

Agree however you could have been treat a little nicer x

Guy asked me at my first do you want to know right at the start he then did all the checks after he was telling us what various bits were and said there are the legs all 3 of them lol

I’ve had 20 weeks scans in 2 trusts and in both they asked if I wanted to know and were really nice.

I did have a really grumpy sonographer at a 12 week scan who kept going on about how my first ‘12 week’ scan had been a waste as I was only 9 weeks. I didn’t really see how that was my fault as they base it on LMP.

It sounds like your sonographer was being a bit of a cow really and there wasn’t any need to be that way on a day that is special.
Everyone’s first priority is the baby being healthy but it’s also exciting to find out if you’re having a boy or girl

Ours don't ask if you want to know but will look if you ask. At the start I said that we would be interested to know the sex if they are able to tell us and she was happy to look.

I asked if I was to be shopping for pink or blue! She did say but I got the impression she'd rather not have been asked. Had another scan later on and the sonographer quite happily confirmed girl x

Why is it a safeguarding issue??

I was asked whether we wanted to know at the start, said yes, and when the opportunity presented itself, he told us.

Ours didn't ask, and neither did we. I got the distinct feeling she just wanted to get on with her job, and to be honest I just wanted to know baby was healthy.

I had a scan to check position later on and that sonographer asked what I was having, I said I didn't know. She asked if I wanted to and then checked.

@Pittcuecothecookbook in some cultures, abortion due to sex is common practice. Trusts where this is an issue will refuse to give the information.

Pittcueco, this is old, but covers some of the reasons that individuals/organisations might have for not wanting to reveal the sex (not all safeguarding):

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/8754811/Parents-could-be-barred-from-knowing-the-sex-of-their-unborn-baby-by-European-ruling.html

My hospital, Forth Valley Royal in Larbert, which is the only maternity hospital in the FV trust area, doesn’t tell you. They have signs in the waiting area stating it is an anomaly scan and please do not ask as they will not be looking for the sex. I’ve heard Raigmore in Inverness also don’t tell you. If you want to know, you have to pay for a private scan.

The safeguarding element seems to be to try and make sure people don’t attempt to end the pregnancy if it’s not what they want, or suffer harm if the baby is not the desired sex for the family.

We asked at DD's scan and were told 90% boy. Er, she wasn't!

I didn't really care but imagine some people get really upset by mistakes so perhaps it is easier just to not say. For example I remember my friend buying a brand new expensive blue pram off a lady who had just had a surprise DD "and obviously I can't put her in that now". DF said she didn't look that well off but had clearly invested ££££ in brandname blue things she felt she couldn't use. I guess if you have that sort of mindset you would be upset!

I don't fully understand? Are you saying the sonographer was upset because you wanted to know?
Remember first and foremost it's to check the baby is okay. Not to find out the sex.
I thought it was asked after all the checks were done. My first scan was much later than most, so I was actually asked at both.
Though not everyone is excited by that and wants to know. For me finding out would be the worst feeling ever. I'd never ever find out the sex until the baby was born, it'd ruin the whole thing for me.

Mine just asked if we wanted to know the flavour

If you're in the UK its a sonographer that conducts your scan... Not a tech.

A sonographer has postgraduate training...

Sorry they were a bit funny about you wanting to know the sex. It sounds like they were being rude.