DP left me and found out I'm pregnant today

[pregnantandfrightened]

DP left me last week for another woman which was completely out of the blue and today I found out I'm pregnant and think I am around 6 weeks. We were trying for a baby so a huge part of me is elated but an even bigger of me is so scared. I don't want him back for the sake of a baby and am deciding I want to proceed with the pregnancy.

Does anyone have experience single parenting a newborn? What can I expect? Also the financials. I have a pretty good job so money shouldn't be too much of an issue but my job is very demanding and I'm wondering how I'd work it with a 6 month old baby (I anticipate taking 6 months off). I don't have very much family around me so would need a LOT of childcare to cope with my work demands.

Is this doable?

Brilliant! But even if you don't need it - take it. It's your baby's. You sound amazing. Delighted for you.

If you haven't got financial worries I think that will make life a lot easier. And you would be able to pay for extra childcare and cleaning if necessary. Hope things work out.

Thanks @missmouse - I don’t feel very amazing but I’m not going to dwell, I’ve wanted a baby for an age so I’m going to focus on what an amazing gift this is. It’s probably the financial draw that is making him most angry and the fact that the woman he is casually having sex with will find out. He left me for her but already their on the rocks.

@vivienne - yes I do think it makes life easier for sure. I have a cleaner currently so will continue the service and am looking at a live-in au pair and crèche: that should cover everything. X

I have a four month old and whilst I’m with my husband, 100% I could have done this alone and if anything sometimes DH makes life more difficult as we have different views on some aspects of parenting. You’ve got this. X

Thanks @frilly - it’s surprising how many others have posted the same thing. My ex was extremely needy and it most likely would have been a nightmare caring for a newborn and him.

I've been a single Mum since my daughter turned 1. She's 3 now. I don't get any maintenance and I'm disabled so I only get disability benefits. Money issues makes the whole thing a LOT harder but I think if I'd had a lot more money it would be much better. You can hire a Nanny if you need one and a housekeeper etc. Bliss!!!

I won't lie, it does get lonely but I don't have any friends. As long as you have a nice bunch of friends and supportive family, this will likely turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to you! I wouldn't change my daughter for any money!! She's my whole world!

Good luck op x

Thanks @motherofasurvivor - it doesn’t sound easy but I honestly cannot being myself to end a pregnancy that we planned.

As an update: I’ve spoken to my ex a few times, he alleges that he’s not ‘with’ the OW but she has been providing him counsel about his life. A joke really because her life is as much of a mess as his, but hey, in my present corcumstances who am I to judge. In any event, our conversations haven’t exactly been constructive and I have sobbed most days. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so desperate and lonely, I just want him to hold me. Have been so ill lately with morning sickness that I just wanted a handhold from him.

Sorry for the whinge x

you will get through this.. you can do it..

Budget for a childminder, or ideally a shared nanny. Honestly, it will impact your work life, but then that's what kids do, because they come first. But you have to make sure you are ok so you can care for them. Tell friends and family you won't take the Mickey, but would value their practical support. Congrats.

@pregnantandfierce we are here for you! It is the absolute pits having the sickness, you literally feel like your dying. It is just a day at a time sort of thing (an hour at a time if you were me).

You can do it, just get through the day however you can, you have got this and we all think your doing amazingly!

I did it. I had DS knowing I’d be a single parent. It’s hard but doable and I wouldn’t change DS for the world.

If you have money it’ll be a lot easier too. I was young and worked in a shop when I did it OP. If I had money I’dve struggled less!

Hi @pregnantandfrightened I have lone parented DD2 from birth (DD1 was 3) as DH died when I was pregnant.

Like you I had a decent job which helped hugely. It meant I could afford a nanny which I would absolutely recommend for you, if you get an OFSTED registered one you can use the government tax free childcare scheme to pay her which will save around 200 a month.

A shared nanny is a option too, cheaper. Find another family with one or two children and see if that could work. I've just moved to a shared nanny and my childcare is now only 1000 a month.

It's totally, completely doable. Get a cleaner, nurture your support network, join NCT to make new mum friends etc.

@pregnantandfierce its rubbish feeling so rough in first trimester, can you get some support and hand holding from friends? One of the things is whoever is supporting you can't really do much to ease it anyway. If you're anything like I've been only you will have an indication of what you'll need as that'll regularly change. So look after yourself and surround yourself with understanding friends.

Thanks for your comments ladies. I had a really bad day yesterday which was compounded by my ex. I just wish he wouldn’t lie, it’s the lies I find most stressful.

@brownturkey - I’ve looked into childcare, there is a crèche near me which offers very good hours and I’d probably get some live-in help for cooking and cleaning which would free up my time to spend with the baby in the evenings and weekends.

Thanks @potterty the sickness comes and goes. Yesterday a.m. was horrendous and I had to go into to a law firm for work. I was grey!

@thecat - yes I think the financial side of thing is a major relief. Ex is also aware he will have to make payments which he’s very unhappy about.

@grobags - gosh I’m so sorry to hear that, that must have been pretty horrific. It’s so very reassuring to see other women who have managed to do this by themselves. I just swing from optimism to sheer desperation within moments.

@strawberry - I have lot’s of support IRL thankfully but it’s just not the same really, it’s his comfort I want the most.

I’m feeling less upset with him today and more disillusioned, he called a friend of mine and essentially said he felt trapped, unlucky for him my friend had already seen the messages from him pushing for a baby. He’s so twisted it’s unbelievable.