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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Weekend away with a newborn

29 replies

PassTheAfterEights · 21/01/2018 15:20

Grateful for any and all advice please!

DFIL has a big b'day this year and has arranged for big group of all nearest and dearest to go away for the weekend, with various events throughout. Plan is for DH and I to stay w PIL's and BIL under the same roof and billet everyone else incl my DP's nearby.

Problem is, they don't yet know we're a few weeks upduffed with DC1, due to land 3 weeks prior (we didn't know when it was all organised either just in case anyone thinks this is churlish!!).

Still hoping & praying all goes to plan but, if it does, is this realistic or insane? Do people go away for the weekend with 3/2 week olds (DC might/prob will be late)? Can they go on long car journeys? Will we be able to do anything or just shellshocked and coping with parenthood? Will it ruin it for everyone else? Is it even feasible after difficult birth (I think e.g. it takes a few days post- a C section before you're up and about properly?)?

Sorry I am green and clueless, working on that - just trying to work out whether it would affect our participation and therefore timescales for sharing the news. FIL has also asked me to help organise and between current energy levels and impending major international house move feeling a bit whelmed, but - again - hard to get out of right now!

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

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ClareB83 · 21/01/2018 15:26

I think it is quite risky. First babies are often a couple of weeks late, so he may only be a week old.

How far would you be travelling? Babies aren't meant to be in car seats more than a couple of hours and you'll need to feed him anyway, so that will increase whatever the journey time is.

I think if it was only an hour or so away I might risk it on the basis that you could always bail and go home. But cancelling is probably wiser.

BeardofZeus · 21/01/2018 15:26

No advice for you but watching with interest for very similar reasons (family wedding) 3 weeks after first baby due date so absolutely no idea on whether to say no now/later or yes!! It seems so far away to be thinking now but equally...

ClareB83 · 21/01/2018 15:29

@BeardofZeus it really depends on the kind of wedding. Eg ours is a buffet so we told pregnant friends to just decide nearer the time and not worry about it. They were able to book refundable hotel rooms.

If it's more formal and you're risking costing them money then decline before the RSVP date if you're not comfortable telling them and getting their view.

canarypotato · 21/01/2018 15:33

I think if you want to go then you should say yes, but you may have to cancel last minute if you don’t feel up for it for whatever reason. Newborns are pretty portable and sleep for most of the time when they’re little. Sounds like you’lll have lots of family around to help too. Even if that just means brining you drinks while you breastfeed!

Only thing which may cause problems is the journey. How long is it? Babies are only meant to do 2 hours in their car seats so you might have to schedule in some long stops.

boopdoop · 21/01/2018 15:36

It's almost impossible to know... my DS was 2 weeks late and we were in hospital for a week so that would make it impossible. However if baby is early or on time and you have a straightforward labour then it might be ok. You will be exhausted, and probably still getting used to feeding, and not really up to doing much, but it depends on what the weekend involves. At the same time all small babies do it sleep, feed, sleep, feed, etc, and with family around to do cuddles whilst you catch up on s bit of sleep, it might be ok. Depends on how relaxed you and the wider family are too.

guiltynetter · 21/01/2018 15:40

in my antenatal classes last year they said not to keep newborns in car seats more than 30 mins! but i think the general rule is an hour.

georgedawes · 21/01/2018 15:40

I think it will be very hard. sorry! You'll get lots of people tell you that they were running marathons 3 weeks post partum, but I think it sounds very hard work, even if you have a straightforward birth.

You're likely to still be bleeding, have a very young baby that is awake at night and feeding very regularly. The car journey would be tough and if you have any complications (stitches/csection etc) it'd be even worse. If it wasn't too far away I'd consider popping in for an hour or two, but the weekend would be a big ask.

OrangeRhinoInTraining · 21/01/2018 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milkjetmum · 21/01/2018 15:42

I did a weekend away when dd2 was 6 weeks old but had easy birth and she was 2nd child so no big surprises around breastfeeding or recovery from the birth. Also no colic, no way could I have done it with dd1!

Bear in mind you will need to stop driving around hourly (babies can't be in car seats too long) so journey will take twice as long. We factored in overnight stay at halfway point to break up journey as much as possible (south coast to North East).

You will have a car full of stuff (travel cot etc) but they are portable at that age so it's as easy as any other time with an under 2.

So I'd say to plan to go and just play it by ear based on the birth and how you're managing in the week after (eg dd1 I was still struggling to walk up and down stairs a week later, dd2 I was running around at softplay with dd1 3 days after giving birth!)

PeasAndHarmony · 21/01/2018 15:43

If it's a long journey I wouldn't go by car as babies shouldn't be in car seats for longer than a certain amount of time - I think it's 30 mins?

I went away to a wedding when DS was 4 weeks old and really wish I hadn't tbh. At that stage all he wanted to do was breastfeed, sleep all day and be awake all night. Plus I was struggling to establish breastfeeding and (probably tmi) I was still bleeding quite a lot.

Oysterbabe · 21/01/2018 15:44

I think you'd be crazy. Newborns aren't supposed to be in carseats for longer than 30 minutes. The baby might be a week old and you recovering from a section.

NapQueen · 21/01/2018 15:46

We did a week long holiday (with me driving the 5 hours there and back) with dc1 when they were 8 weeks old and it was the earliest I could have managed it.

She arrived on time, forceps and epidural, but it took me about 3 to 4 weeks to get through the post birth highs and lows and to stop bleeding. We basically just hung out in the house the whole week and just did small village walks whilst everyone else was off hiking and sledging.

I would have been fine doing it again with dc2 at 2 or 3 weeks but found that less of a shock to my body and mind.

But baby could be late, could be a csec, could be twins!

NapQueen · 21/01/2018 15:48

The carseat issue isnt insurmountable as there are lie flat carseats which would be safer for longer trips than the conventional bucket seat.

user1493413286 · 21/01/2018 15:49

The newest guidance is that when babies are newborn they shouldn’t be in the car seat for longer than half hour. It a bit unrealistic as some people are further than that from the hospital. We went away to parents when my DD was a few weeks and were told to stop after an hour to stretch her body out and she also frequently fed.
I also found car journeys quite painful after my c section, the belt pushed on my scar and bumps were painful.
It also depends how you feel about having lots of people around you when you’re trying to get to grips with your baby.
If things all go smoothly it might be fine but equally you may have to cancel last minute.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 21/01/2018 15:52

I would travel far distances with a newborn, weekend away sounds great, but I personally would not go away with extended family my own preference though, I like peace and quiet at the best of times. With both DC we went to visit family (had to really) when the babies were between 1 and 3 weeks old - one forceps delivery & 3rd degree tear, one ELCS. Both fine for me physically. But it's hard to predict how you'll feel!

melonribenia · 21/01/2018 15:55

I think it's fine.
We went on holiday with a 3 week old. We had family around to help and it was no different from being at home really.

Mrscog · 21/01/2018 15:58

I think get included on the weekend and then decide once DC1 is here. Best case scenario is you have a 5 week old and all is going fab - a weekend away could be lovely in this scenario. Worst case scenario is you’re still in hospital after horrendous birth. Keep your options open!

OoohSmooch · 21/01/2018 15:58

The newborn stage was HARD for us however I had a c section and one week after she was born we had a wedding with a night away and another wedding with a night away 3.5 weeks after that. Don't dismiss it but you will only know if you can try and do it after the baby is here. She's 9 months now and not that toooo much unnerves me now with travelling with a baby!

Mrscog · 21/01/2018 16:00

Sorry for additional context I couldn’t have done it with DC1 - was still establishing bf and was up all hours and only partially continent myself. DC2 was dream birth, baby and feeder - I could have gone away basically immediately! You just never know how it’s going to go.

Halfdrankbrew · 21/01/2018 16:40

I think it'd be hard to commit to anything as you don't know exactly when the baby will arrive or how you'll be feeling.

Summer just gone we were invited to my in laws big bday bash which was a weekend away in a hotel 2 hours away. I was pregnant with our second child and the due date was the weekend of the bash. We'd already fibbed about the due date and told everyone it was 2 weeks later than the real due date, so everyone assumed I'd still be pregnant at the bash. We told the in laws we didn't want to commit to the weekend but said we may attend and be added if I felt up to it that late into pregnancy. I think for my husband that felt better than saying we were missing one of his parent's big bash, for some reason he felt bad saying no. I asked him just to decline the invite as in my head there was no way we could go, he didn't though!

As it happened the baby arrived 1 week early (a week before the bash) and I felt great right after the birth, went home a few hours later and next day we went for a 4 mile walk. As I felt so good I said to my husband it'd be silly to miss out so we went along. I was lucky that breastfeeding was great right away so there were no problems trying to make up bottles in a hotel. We took the pram with the carrycot and the baby slept in there. We had a nice weekend. The 2 hr drive was fine, we drove to the south of France at 5 weeks old (from England) with a toddler too, a 2hr journey with a newborn was nothing, we just stopped to feed/change.

I think it's hard to tell how everything will go though, I was very lucky.

NC1990 · 21/01/2018 16:53

Difficult to say as you have no idea how you'll feel, what kind of baby you'll have and when he or she will arrive. I personally couldn't have done it, at 2-3 weeks postpartum I was a hormonal mess and felt totally overwhelmed. I was still bleeding a lot and getting to grips with breastfeeding, and both DH and I were extremely sleep-deprived (as you'd expect being new parents to a newborn!). I wouldn't have felt comfortable staying somewhere else at such a vulnerable time.

eurochick · 21/01/2018 17:08

How easy going are the people going? Will they get huffy about being woken up by a newborn, baby maybe crying during meals, etc.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 21/01/2018 17:09

If the baby arrives two weeks after the due date, you will be only a few days after giving birth... I was over the moon I made it down the road to have lunch in the local pub a few days in... driving several hours would not have been on my radar.

The early days can be quite intense, in a very lovely way as your new little family is in a bubble of love. I wouldn't have missed out on that for the world. The weekend sounds quite full of activity and people, I would have hated feeling that I couldn't just go with the baby's flow. I think it took them a few weeks before they were awake in the day and not awake all night.. Plus breastfeeding can take a while to get the hang of, my pelvic floor didn't function at all for at least 3 days and did have lots of baths and lounging around in my PJ's. My DS's were OK in the car but DD screamed every time she went in the car, for the entire journey, long or short...

Buxbaum · 21/01/2018 17:37

The thing is, baby could easily come at 42 weeks and you could be facing the weekend at a week post partum just as your milk is coming in and you are trying to establish feeding, bleeding, possibly recovering from stitches etc.

You need to tell PILs about the pregnancy ASAP and give them time to decide what to do, on the understanding that there are too many variables and unknowns for you to guarantee that you will be there. I suspect that it will mean a lot to FIL to have you and his grandchild there and he may take the decision to postpone the celebration until baby is a few months old.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 21/01/2018 17:49

The newborn stage is tough. BUT they are easy to travel with. Apart from all the extras they come with!!! At that age, they sleep a lot. You can break up the journey so that baby isn't in the car seat without a break for long periods - will need feeding anyway.

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