The myth of "carrying small"

[L0ngg0ne]

This is more of a vent-style post. I'm 22+1 weeks and "carrying small". I've gone from being anxious about it ("Why am I still not showing?", "other women as far into their pregnancies as me are HUR already!", "Is my baby healthy/growing properly?" etc - you get the ), to not giving a damn, to being anxious again. I've posted several concerned posts on here, at various weeks, about "not showing" or not having "popped" yet, and here I am at 22 weeks with the same concerns deep down.

I wore normal jeans with ds until the end (bump sat over the top nicely!!) ds was 9-3!
Was huge with dd and she was 6-13!!

I'm having the opposite. I'm huge. It's pointed out to me hourly I know I'm big but I am not having an elephant I'm having a baby and it's really getting me down

I’m 22 weeks and I carry big, really far out and to the front. My friend however only really started showing when she was like 8 months and she obviously had the easier time looking like a yummy mummy afterwards.
Honestly there is NOTHING to worry about, we all carry differently! Plus surely it means your baby has a shorter way out, less curving back around and through your hips, so you’re already winning!

Did you have a 20 week scan?

I was still in my skinny jeans at 21 weeks with dc1 and still get loads of comments about carrying small with dc2. As long as the scans and midwife appointments show good growth, I don't worry about it!

@Notasperfectasallothermners @Frogqueen13 @BigBaboonBum unfortunately, my thumb slipped (I'm using my phone) and posted this thread WAY before I'd finished writing it (hence the spelling errors) - I had a lot more to say.

In my experience, "carrying small" is no good thing. It's filled with worry about the health of your baby, and people's comments just add to that - "oh, you're pregnant? You don't look it", "you're not showing much, are you", "where's your bump?" Etc. You're made to feel like you're doing something wrong, like not eating enough (I already struggle with appetite). It kind of just makes you feel like less of a pregnant woman. I feel Iike a kind of imposter pregnant woman - like I'm not the TRUE embodiment of a pregnant woman. It's hard to explain. You also don't get the sympathy and consideration from others regarding being a pregnant woman, because no one realises you are! I feel like it's a huge misconception that "carrying small" is a good thing - it's a recipe for anxiety about he health of your growing baby, and endless criticism/speculation from others. It's also hard to get your own head around, because you yourself don't feel like you look like the images of pregnancy that you've seen and continue to see around you - you feel like a kind of rare case or an anomaly. I'm just grateful my baby moves a lot - his movements are the only thing that giving me daily reassurance that there is, in fact, a baby in there!

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore yes, I did have a 20 week scan. No scan from midwives or sonographer at all, but I still seem to worry - I guess as I suffer from anxiety, in general. People's comments really don't help, either. I don't even tell people I'm pregnant anymore because they just respond the same way, making me feel abnormal!

No such thing as carrying small. Your stomach should only start growing when baby starts to put weight on which is between 6/7 months. Cannot stand people who truly believe they have a 'baby bump' at 12 weeks .

Don't worry about the baby's health or how they are growing. If there was anything wrong your midwife would tell you nobody else. You will end up with a bump eventually I promise you won't miss out

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore no concern*

I understand, pregnancy fills us with anxiety for anything our brains can possibly feel anxiety about... but it’s normal! You’ll get bigger soon and you’ll likely wonder why the heck you ever thought this way because all it brings is pain and discomfort. You’re pregnant and can feel your child moving and that’s all you need, you don’t need sympathy from strangers.

You’re also only 22 weeks!! Babies only start laying fat and gaining serious weight at the end. I’m Big now but NOTHING compared to what I’ll be in 5-10-15-etc weeks... same for you, and even people ‘carrying small’ cant hide it forever.
Because of how I carry it causes so much constant pain - you may not think it, but you are indeed lucky

I am 24 weeks and not showing. I have HG still so I think that has contributed. My baby has been fine on scans so I don’t worry about it.

I think the modern cultural expectation of pregnancy is that women should be as big as a house as soon as they get that BFP but be back to their pre pregnancy size the day after delivery - this is not healthy.

I would speak to your midwife if you are anxious.

Ps. I have a baby on board badge and that helps out and about (from eBay ~£1).

Mine were all small bumps. Certainly nobody could tell at 22 weeks. All born around 7lbs plus and no stretch marks! I'm average size but my hips are quite wide so I think that's why.

I had comments like this until i was about 26 weeks. It was starting to make me prarnoid. Now im nearly 37 weeks and say im huge.

People will always comment, ignore them

I was "carrying small". It was a pain in the arse because I found pregnancy hard on my body, found it really painful to walk and stand for long periods, but nobody knew I was pregnant unless I told them or waved my baby on board badge at them on the tube. Had a woman at work tell me every single day up to maternity leave (except weekends lol) how small my bump was, how I didn't look pregnant. She was right, but it annoyed me. I looked like a chubbier version of myself. It wasn't until right near the end, a few weeks before I gave birth, that I actually looked pregnant.

I am a small person and dd was lying across me so I never really had that lovely bump some women have. But she was a healthy weight when she was born, a little on the small side but still within healthy range. And it's very early days for you still.

I remember going to NCT classes and being shocked to find out we were all at the same stage of pregnancy when my bump was so much smaller. All of our babies were pretty similar size when born.

I got married at 29 weeks and my son was born a week later, i hardly had a bump! I was overweight, but still, lol. On my 2nd i had quite a big bump (still overweight) and he came at 33 weeks. I wouldnt worry, why people feel the need to comment on pregnant women i'll never know. Everyone's different!

I had this all throughout my pregnancy I had a really small bump even at full term. My DS was always measuring fine so I never worried about it as I was sure the midwife would have let me know if there was an issue, I'm sure this true also in your case.

@BigBaboonBum I'm sure I will look back and wonder why I was ever concerned about this, it's just so hard to have the faith and patience!!! Thank you for your reassurance!

@Badeyes77 I understand. I had terrible nausea up until 16 weeks but was still expected to function like a normal person because nobody knew I was pregnant! At the moment I have painful bloating, migraines, heartburn/acid reflux and pelvic pain when the baby sits really low! "Carrying small" certainly doesn't equate to "no pain/discomfort".

Thank you all for your stories/responses. I feel very reassured!

If your scans and mw measurements are fine then ignore stupid comments. I'd say not showing at 22 weeks is quite common isn't It? The baby is still pretty tiny with no fat. I'm on my second and have only just started to show now at 25 weeks and that's probably only because my stomach muscles are less toned than last time.

Monday, someone said to me "really, you don't look like you're about to pop". Tuesday I had my baby and I'm currently sat feeding him.

I understand your insecurities, op. Know that it is ok to have a small bump. It's just hard with the comments sometimes.

When I was 26 weeks I went on a night out with friends, put my usual skinny jeans on and they did up fine. Danced the night away and got the last bus home. On the way home I was a bit uncomfortable so undid my jeans button and secured it with a hair bobble.

Woke up the next morning and the hair bobble wouldn't even go across my bump to hold the jeans together! DS had clearly got sick of being squashed and starfished during the night to make more room!

Really try not to let it worry you. I've been told in both my pregnancies that I looked fairly small. I don't actually think I do, but I'm tall and a little bit overweight, so there isn't a whole lot of difference between my normal body and my pregnant body, particularly being tall as I have a lot more room in my torso. I don't feel small! But other people often mention what a 'cute' or 'neat' bump I have (I'm 36 weeks now). With my first though, I was in maternity clothes at 8 weeks (normal clothes were so uncomfortable) and at 16 weeks with this baby. But it's just par for the course. It's not so much that you ARE small, but just that in our culture, it's the norm for people to comment on pregnant women's bodies. So you're either going to be told you're huge or you're going to be told you're small. No one ever gets told they're an average size.

Try not to take it personally. People will always have something to say and the comments about your body are just the start of comments about your baby and your parenting choices, etc.

I wore some of my normal clothes up until I gave birth. Wide hips combined nice young abdominal muscles. Count yourself lucky.

I didn't mind people saying my bump looked small b/c they were right. Even when the ppl were consultants or midwives. My bump wasn't big. I was grateful for this. Big bumps look like a pain. My babies were born ordinary size, btw.

If the bump-callers were wrong and I was actually big or huge, I would have just disagreed or shrugged.

You don't have to get emotional about other people's opinions. Especially not worth it with chitchat remarks.