The myth of "carrying small"

[L0ngg0ne]

This is more of a vent-style post. I'm 22+1 weeks and "carrying small". I've gone from being anxious about it ("Why am I still not showing?", "other women as far into their pregnancies as me are HUR already!", "Is my baby healthy/growing properly?" etc - you get the ), to not giving a damn, to being anxious again. I've posted several concerned posts on here, at various weeks, about "not showing" or not having "popped" yet, and here I am at 22 weeks with the same concerns deep down.

I know it's difficult but try not to take it personally - people just try to make conversation about the pregnancy and sometimes don't think about how saying something like that might affect you. If scans are all showing everything is normal, you can feel baby moving and you feel okay yourself (minus the comments), then that's all that matters.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 23 (nearly 24) weeks now and I've only just "popped". It's a bit bizarre but it seriously felt like it happened overnight - I just looked down one morning and went "oh, that's new!". Before that I'd just looked a bit like I'd indulged over Christmas so it'll happen, don't worry.

On the bright side, you may find that people tell you how lovely and neat you look later on. Not that it matters at all - you're going to have a lovely baby and neither if you will give a single shit what your bump looked like from the moment you give birth.

@lljkk thanks for your response but I find it a tad bit patronising. It's great that you weren't worried about your small bump and, instead, enjoyed having one, but some people (such as myself) are natural worriers - that's just the way my brain works. I don't chose to 'get emotional' - I've just always struggled with anxiety and worry. Overthinking things and thinking the worst is what my brain chooses to do, without my consent. It's not so much that I 'don't like' having a small bump, but it's more that because it's my first pregnancy and it's not what I expected or not the image of pregnancy that I usually see, it's been a cause of genuine concern for me. Nonetheless, I appreciate your input.

yes pregnancy can be very unexpected.

My baptism of fire in first pregnancy was when they found enlarged renal pelvis at my 20 week scan. It's linked to chromosome problems and there were no guarantees baby would be ok. I had lots of extra scans, including one after baby was born, while 'they' continued to try to find a real problem (turned out there was no real problem). You're correct to figure out that I learnt to not take the whole thing very seriously, very quickly. I was bored with the extra scans by the end.

I also had a small bump in that pregnancy (several consultants remarked upon it).

I can't comment on the bump thing because I'm only 14 weeks, but this:

It kind of just makes you feel like less of a pregnant woman. I feel Iike a kind of imposter pregnant woman - like I'm not the TRUE embodiment of a pregnant woman.

Really resonated with me, and articulated something I've been feeling perfectly. I've had very mild and fluctuating symptoms, and I know I should 'feel lucky', but it's been horrible. I had three miscarriages before this pregnancy and I would have swapped almost any amount of physical discomfort for the anxiety that my lack of symptoms caused me. The days where I did feel sick I was so, so happy. I also have that feeling of feeling like a total fraud - we're just starting to tell people, and I always feel like I'm making it up. I know there are lots of blessings to be counted in not having a horrible first trimester, but that feeling of not feeling like a 'proper' pregnant woman really spoke to me.

Try and see the bright side! Feeling horrific would be really hard. I do understand the anxiety after loss. However, enjoy feeling well if you can. I don't have symptoms in pregnancy so I'm just trying enjoy the fact that I can still go to the gym, go to work without feeling wrecked, and sleep without being in agony. I'd rather that than struggle every day.

Also don't assume that those of us telling you not to worry are being patronising or that we don't understand the anxiety. I had severe pre eclampsia, pph and a premature delivery last time so I do understand feeling worried. But it's a good idea to try and focus on the positives if you can.

Hi op I am sorry you are feeling anxious it's not a nice feeling, I think most of us spend our first (and sometimes sub sequent pregnancies) bouncing between low level worry and blind panic so you are not alone.

I was tiny with my first you could only see I was pregnant from the side (up to about 32 weeks) from the back and front I looked normal.. I too had lots of comments.

My second I was like a beached whale!! My bump would actually move around high/low/to one side.

My theory (completely hypothetical I have no medical training ) is that it is down to where your baby is in the uterus. Dd was at the back and so stayed tucked in much longer. Ds was at the front hence the constantly moving bump.