Baby's surname

[Miajesse97]

Hey again girls got a lot of questions recently ... please no nasty comments or make me feel bad as I'm still deciding but when my little one is here I want him or her to have my last name and my partners also? Does anyone else have this at all or is it completely unheard off. Without going into my background my dad abounded me when I was younger and I was left with his last name and Worst care sceneario I wouldn't want that happening again so want my lil one to have both names but my partner is not happy about this and it's causing arguments? Just some advice please am I being unreasonable?

Not at all, why do you think its unreasonable? Mine have both my husbands and my surname on the birth cert but we only use one on paperwork but you can double barrell it if you want.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You wouldn’t need to use the both surnames, would you? Could you not maybe have them for paperwork, birth cert etc but just use the one on a day to day basis?

Our baby son has both of our names, we've hyphenated them. My first two dc from my previous relationship have their father's surname only and I've always regretted letting their dad have the final say on their last names. To him , the "tradition" of dad's surname only was very important to him...

That's exactly what I wanted to do so day to day the bub would go by his name but birth certificate ect be both and legal documents ect but he went so mad at me made me feel like I was completely in the wrong

Mine have that. They are: first name - middle name - my surname - dh surname.

They use only dh surname on a day-to-day basis but my surname is part of the official name on birth certificate & passport which helps with travel.

Parietal-
That's all I wanted because I personally feel given that I have grown the baby given birth and go through all of that I deserve as do any woman the right to the child having your last name also, plus it's nice for my family also. But everytime I mention it to him he goes mental basically saying it's stupid ect?.

If this is what you want then don't give in. Your way isn't at all stupid , he sounds unreasonable.

My DC has my surname. My ExP left last year so I am very glad they have my name for practical purposes. If you want to use both names do so. It’s very normal.

Mine will have both full surnames hyphenated. It's the fairest way, he's no less of a parent than I am and vice versa. Both ours are long which is a pain but I want mine to be there daily too and I wouldn't expect him to not have his name there

It's not unreasonable to want your child to have both surnames!

DD1 has her dad's, and this baby will too as I thought our surnames sounded ridiculous together. I suppose if they didn't sound so bad I would have used them both.

My son has both our names hyphenated. Long story but I now slightly regret this as it's very long (6 syllables!) and he's not seen his dad in 5 years. Having said that, my son is very proud of his long surname and in a way I suppose it provides him with a link to his heritage. (The first part of his surname is Hispanic). Also, not sure what your circumstances are but I'm very glad my Ds has my surname as part of it as can be complicated travelling with a child with a different surname to you, especially if you don't have a good relationship with their father. Just food for thought.

If my partner was being that much of a dick about it I'd just give the baby my name tbh. It's important to me to share a name with my child, he obviously feels that way too so why shouldn't you?

Double barrelled surnames are not uncommon at all. The only concern I'd have is that it would be hard to pronounce or spell or it could present challenges later on if your child grows up and wants to combine it with a partner's name...then he/she would have three surnames or be forced to give up one. Honestly, that would be the only reason I would consider not doing it as it makes that option more complicated down the line.

My dh and I have the same surname so it's easier, but yes, I think you're absolutely right that it's important you both feel like you can share your surname with your dc if that's what you want.

If you aren't married the hospital will automatically record the baby with your surname. I think if your DP want the baby to have his name he needs to marry you.

The same happened to me. My mother gave me my dad’s name and I haven’t seen him for 18 years I don’t think it makes a difference I think you should do what you think is right. Personally my second name doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Hope this helps

We've double barrelled our DD's surname. Both our last names are one syllable only and go quite well together. I didn't take DH surname when we got married and didn't see why one of us should compromise. No one has batted an eyelid so far (Although we are in London, so it's a cosmopolitan environment). I quite like this solution now actually, because it means we retain our own 'identity' and are both connected to our daughter.

Our DD has my Surname and then DH's surname, no hyphen. We use both names on documents.

If my OH was this unreasonable baby would just have my name.

I wish i'd done this - or just used my name.
It's not unreasonable - stand your ground.

Mine will just have mine, until we get married

I would absolutely want my DC to have my name if it was different to my DPs. Why on earth wouldn’t you?

The “tradition” argument is bollocks anyway. “Traditionally” babies are usually given their mother’s last name, it’s just that historically the baby’s mother and father were more likely to be married and therefore have the same last name. In cases where babies were born “out of wedlock” they would be given their mother’s maiden name.

It’s not like you’re suggesting the baby has ONLY your last name, so I don’t really understand his objection other than he is just being a massive twat.

If you aren't married the hospital will automatically record the baby with your surname. I think if your DP want the baby to have his name he needs to marry you

This is untrue. You can register the baby with whatever surname you wish, whether yours, his, a mix, or something completely different

My friends children have her surname. Her partner never even questioned it. Why would he?!

Your partner sounds a nasty bully.

As you are not married, your DP cannot register the baby (though he would need to be there when you do if you want him included as the father). You will be registering the baby and can give him/her whatever surname you want.

I recommend that DC has your surname. He is being unreasonable, and your description makes him sound quite unpleasant too. I would stand my ground. And certainly tell him that he's being an utter arse if he doesn't realise how very common double-barrelling is.

BTW, unless practice has changed, the baby's first brush with officialdom will automatically give the mother's name (I am married, but didn't change my name, and in NHS records DC was 'BabyWeston' not Baby MarriedName)

"If you aren't married the hospital will automatically record the baby with your surname"

This is true, but only applies until the birth is registered (see my earlier post - it's what I meant by first brush with officialdom)

"I think if your DP want the baby to have his name he needs to marry you"

This is not the legal requirement: you can register any surname you like (as long as it isn't obscene, is at least 2 letter long, and consists only of letters" though hyphen/apostrophe can be included). If you mean that you think OP should not register with his surname unless/until married, then I think that is a prudent course.