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Original poster

Opinions please...am I being unreasonable?!

42 replies

Teddy1985 · 31/12/2017 07:50

I’m 33 weeks today....it’s NYE, my husbands friend came over two days ago to stay. My husband offered him our bedroom and we are on a sofa bed...it is what we would have done if I wasn’t pregnant but I’m in constant pain with my back etc and could t believe he suggested it.

Every day I asked how long is he staying for and my husband responds with I don’t know... the first night they went out (I didn’t have an issue) naively I thought my husband would have a few drinks but would be sensible ish as I am absolutely exhausted, terrible back pain, having very little sleep, we have four cats that need feeding at 7:30am etc. I didn’t mind what time they arrived back but didn’t expect to deal with a paraletic drunk husband who was sick in the kitchen sink and left me to clean it up etc at 2:45am. I then was up at 7am with the cats meowing wanting to be fed and he was obviously snoring and extremely hungover when they finally got up at 11am expecting me to run around making coffees etc.

It’s now NYE and his friend is still here. About a month ago my husband said his friend suggested we head into London and go out there on NYE.... I explained then that as much as I would LOVE to do that, I’m not in a fit state to and would love for us to spend it together as it’s our last one before our baby arrives. I really hoped we could relax and try and be with each other as it has been very stressful this last few months. I explained this then and clearly was absolutely ignored.

We only moved back to the UK after 5 years working abroad a month ago so I do understand my husband wants to see his friend etc but I spent the first few weeeks in the run up to Christmas organising so much, meeting my consultant etc furnishing our home and thought Christmas would be spent relaxing.

I lliterally feel so upset, exhausted, anxious about our little one coming, low in confidence and really hoped my husband would have had a bit more respect and thought about me.

My husbands friend only decided to head to bed at 12:30am last night I was exhausted. I finally put the sofa bed together but was so uncomfortable I had very little sleep, back is killing so been up since about 4:45/5am.

Please give me some pointers advice...feeling extremely low and do not know how I will get through today x

OP posts:
Paperchains1986 · 31/12/2017 07:55

Explain all this to your husband exactly as you have with us. "Truly glad you are seeing friends etc, but you clearly don't understand being 8 months pregnant. I'm very uncomfortable, need extra sleep and it's making me anxious living with you rolling in at 3am vomiting and going to bed aftermidnight"

Give him the solutions:

  1. Your friend leaves Or he stays on sofa bed
  2. Or go to a parents/friends with a spare room you can use, or a hotel and say you'll come back when friend has left so you can have your bed back!
Mxyzptlk · 31/12/2017 08:00

Explain firmly to husband and friend that you are very uncomfortable because of the pregnancy so you need your own bed back. Then change the bedding and make clear that you will be using that room tonight.
Whether you also want to offer the sofa bed to the friend is up to you.

Pannacott · 31/12/2017 08:03

This is awful! Explain that you need your bed, your bedroom and your privacy back immediately! He can sleep on the sofa bed!

I'm so shocked I can't even respond to the rest of the stuff. What is your husband thinking? Is he usually nice and thoughtful or is he generally an arse?!

Mxyzptlk · 31/12/2017 08:05

Speak to husband on his own about how you want to have some quiet relaxing time together as there won't be much opportunity for that after the baby arrives. I hope his better nature will surface.
Unfortunately, it sounds as though he is trying to cling onto fun times with his mate, and sees New Year as being an especially fun time.

Situp · 31/12/2017 08:06

YABU by asking if YABU!

I am 36 weeks and DH has been on the sofa for a week because I sleep better with our king size bed to myself!

If they are drinking they can probably sleep anywhere. I suspect friend would be mortified to think that you were uncomfortable.

How big a deal is NYE for you? DH is going out without me because I would rather get a good night of sleep than go out but it has never been a big deal for me. Think about what would be best for you and your body.

Original poster
Teddy1985 · 31/12/2017 08:07

Thanks so much for your replies.

He is usually lovely but since arriving back to the UK I just don't think he understands what I'm going through at all. I have tried to explain numerous times.

My family are four hours away so isn't really an option otherwise I would be gone by now tbh

I will be kicking his friend onto the sofa bed tonight then. That's what I wanted to do but didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and not welcome etc

Thank you Xx

OP posts:
EllaHen · 31/12/2017 08:11

Jesus Christ - can't believe you are on the sofa bed. Make sure last night was the last time.

Don't know what to suggest about the rest. Talk to your dh and ask him to stay in tonight. Just the two of you.

Good luck.

INeedNewShoes · 31/12/2017 08:12

This is clear cut. Your husband must be on another planet to think you should be sleeping on the sofa bed. His friend is no better. No one I know would accept the bed of a heavily pregnant woman!

You just need to be straight down the line about this. In all honesty I can't believe you let this happen in the first place. You're going to need to be firmer once baby is here too!

user1493413286 · 31/12/2017 08:13

I was outraged just reading the first bit, there is no way you should be on the sofa bed and the friend should not have accepted the bed.
They’ve had their drunken night out so now it’s your turn to have the night in for New Years that you’d like and have your bed back.

Beakyplinders · 31/12/2017 09:55

I'm just gobsmacked the friend accepted your bed and allowed you to sleep on the sofabed.

You have the patience of a saint.

Fishface77 · 31/12/2017 09:58

Your husband is a right shit.
These are his true colours showing. Tell him and friend they can both sleep on sofa bed and tell friend he needs to go tomorrow.
Stop being a martyr.

Jenala · 31/12/2017 10:02

Oh god how thoughtless. Yes, absolutely kick friend out if your room!!! Can't believe people can be so fucking oblivious, what a pair of knobs.

Almostthere15 · 31/12/2017 10:03

Echoing what others have said. I can't believe the friend took the bed, or that your husband let you offer. Quite apart from the fact of being pregnant aren't two people better on a real bed.

I think you need to explain to your husband what you've said here. It isn't normal behaviour and you need some support at an intensely vulnerable time.

Get your husband to change the sheets!

owltrousers · 31/12/2017 10:04

Yeah this is ridiculous, I can't believe your DH or his friend! Consider showing him this thread... he might get the message.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 31/12/2017 10:05

What shits those men are, even considering you sleeping on a sofa bed and coming in so late. I also don’t give my bed up for anyone.

Viviennemary · 31/12/2017 10:06

I'd say the friend has to go completely (and probably your DH too if he thinks his friend's comfort is more important than yours.)

Hoppinggreen · 31/12/2017 10:09

Why did you agree to the sofa bed?
If my DH even suggested it ( he wouldn’t) I wouid have told him to bugger off
Come on OP I know you are hormonal and not feeling great but stop being so drippy and read them both the riot act. You are going to need to be more assertive and put yourself and the baby first

Callamia · 31/12/2017 10:14

Stop this silliness now.

Why are you cleaning up a drunk adult’s sick? Why are you sleeping on a sofa bed that you can’t even go to bed on until some selfish moron says so?

Get your bed back, don’t pander to either of them.

Quietergreener · 31/12/2017 10:26

Book a hotel room

dotdotdotmustdash · 31/12/2017 10:30

I would do the 4 hours to your family by breaking up the journey with lots of short stops. It's doable.

Snowwwwwwwwwww · 31/12/2017 10:36

YANBU! Why did your DH even yell his friend he can have your room! Why did the friend not say “don’t be stupid your DW is pregnant, I’ll have the sofa bed”?! Talk to your DH, jock friend out or on the sofa bed. I would also want to spend my last ever child free NYE chilling with DH.

Hope he understands x

Mrstobe90 · 31/12/2017 11:40

I’m shocked that he’d put his friend before his pregnant wife. Explain to the friend that you need the bed back and can have the sofa.
I hope they start treating you better!

Darcychu · 31/12/2017 11:41

Im more shocked at your DH friend accepting to take your bed when you have a sofa bed..... How dare he, how can either of them sit and watcha pregnant lady get onto an uncomfortable sofa bed for the night. Its RUDE ! and if i was a guest there is noway i would make someone give up there bed for me.

Nikki2ol6 · 31/12/2017 11:54

Wtf!!! No no NO!! I would not be having this! I’d be taking my bed back! Is your husbands friend got no respect at all!!! Taking a heavily pregnant women’s bed off her! Tell your husband your having the bed back and you will be going upto bed early and leaving them two to crack on downstairs. What a joke!! Why is he even at your house? Is he homeless or something?

HolyShet · 31/12/2017 12:23

YANBU sweetheart, you are really not.

Tell your husband and his friend you need and you are going to have your room and bed back now.

He's welcome to stay on the sofa bed.

Tell your DH you want to spend NYE with him, but you can't do a big night out. Friend can do whatever.

Say you would like to make firm and lovely plans for NYD which IMO is waay more important than NYE. So basically not to spend it up alone whilst they nurse hangovers.

Show him the thread.