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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out the sex or to not find out the sex? HELP

50 replies

lizzyttc2017 · 22/12/2017 22:05

help!
Ive always said I would like to keep babies gender as a surprise because thats what my brother did and it was a lovely surprise when they announced the day she was born. Now that my scan is so close I am in two minds! My partner says he is easy either way but I think he kind of would rather know and I'm so torn. I want to know because it is a piece of information about the baby I am growing and I am so curious but on the other hand Im worried Ill miss out on a really special experience on the day and spoil the big surprise for family!

what are your experiences?

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PoisonousSmurf · 23/12/2017 09:16

All I ever was interested in was if the baby was healthy and growing normally. Never wanted to know the gender and was always delighted.
Now have two DDs and they are teenagers

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 23/12/2017 09:25

Loved, loved, loved finding out at the births. I was surprised how few people waited and a few people were actually a bit weird with me for not wanting to know. I positively enjoyed preparing for both outcomes and was never going to be very blue/pink with the first one - the others wore what the first had!

I do wonder whether, if you have a strong preference and get the opposite, it is harder to be disappointed with an actual baby in your arms than it is by a picture on a screen. But upthread someone argues the other side of that. I never had that sort of longing for either sex so I can't really put myself in that position.

With number one, we and the midwives were all convinced it was a boy (us through irrational thoughts about odds given how many girls our friends had had and them from the heartbeat) and it was an amazing surprise that she was a girl! With the others I had no clear ideas.

MissCalamity · 23/12/2017 09:26

I didn't find out with both DC'S. Loved all the "you're carrying high, it's a boy" "you're all bump, it's a girl" nonsense from people guessing the sex.

That feeling both times when I picked them up from the birthing pool, although first reaction both times were "it's my baby!" and finding out myself were fantastic, if I ever did have another which is very unlikely I wouldn't find out again.

Anna2006 · 23/12/2017 09:33

I haven’t found out the sex of my baby and currently 34 weeks pregnant.

I was tempted at the scan but my DH was quite adamant he didn’t want to know. He wanted a surprise and said it doesnt matter either way, it’s our baby.

It has been fun with everyone guessing what it will be. An I’m SO excited to found out who they are and the person they will be. I’m very glad now that we didn’t find out and it’s gone fairly quick tbh. 6 weeks and counting until I found out about this amazing little human inside of me 💙💗

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 10:14

It's my first baby and I haven't found out. DH wanted to as it would help him to bond, but I felt really strongly that I wanted that moment after birth, and he will be able to bond then! We don't mind what sex it is though I'm pretty sure (for no good reason) that it's a boy. Everyone who has waited has told me that it's such an amazing feeling being told "it's a boy/girl" and being handed your baby.

Obviously if you find out earlier it's still a surprise, but you haven't met the baby yet so it's a bit diluted somehow? Guess it's a choice between 2 surprises or 1 big one!

I think I might find out for a subsequent child for more practical reasons like it might be helpful to help DC1 prepare/get used to the idea, and maybe whether you need to buy new clothes etc if it's a different sex from DC1. Also agree with meadowhay though that I prefer not to stereotype the baby before it's here (not that everyone who finds out does at all).

Sidsreadingdiary · 23/12/2017 17:10

I hope your scan went well Dappled, and your baby is growing and developing well.

Did you find out if you are having a boy or a girl?

We opted to wait until the baby was born with both of our DC. It was fab.

gryffen · 23/12/2017 17:21

Found out with my first and will again with this one when we hit 20 weeks.

Very personal choice but whatever works for you and partner is totally cool.

Pidgythe2nd · 23/12/2017 17:25

Birth is an amazing experience whether you know the sex or not! I'm not sure it would have been enhanced for me if I'd had a surprise gender. I did have a surprise, just 20 weeks before.

I found out with both of mine and found it helped me to bond with them, and prepare. A lot of the newborn and small clothes were unisex but the older stuff not so much so.

With DC 3 (currently 34 weeks pregnant) I was unsure whether to find out and undecided. For practical reasons it made sense to find out so I could clear the loft of the bags of clothes we wouldn't need, but I suppose I wanted to experience not finding out until the birth day.
However, at the 12 week scan I was a bit further along than I thought and let's just say, he wasn't a shy baby and there was no denying that there was a penis. Even the sonographer laughed when she paused the screen during one of the checks for 2 legs and it caught the 'potty shot'.
It wasn't confirmed until the 20 week scan but it's made my life a lot easier as I've either sold or given away all the girls clothes and sorted out his clothes up to 1 year.

Foodylicious · 23/12/2017 17:32

I wanted to find out and OH didn't so that's what we did!
We just lied and told everyone else we didn't know.
So it was my secret

I really enjoyed having this one thing to myself.
You get so much advice and opinions shared with you and people ask you really personal questions

thethoughtfox · 23/12/2017 17:35

I agree with PPs who said knowing the sex makes it more 'real'. However, I chose the opposite path and didn't find out the sex. It felt like there was an unreal, magic about the situation and unknowing, and it was a wonderful shock and surprise when baby popped out. Other friends found out the sex and baby had full names and wardrobes chosen before they were born. But knowing or not knowing doesn't make it any less special. Just a little different.

Wellonlyifihavetoo · 23/12/2017 17:40

My first 2 dds were surprises but I’m currently pregnant and found out, my nosiness won this time plus it’s my last baby. We’re having dd3 and couldn’t be happier!

Toasttea · 23/12/2017 18:04

I found out with my first and found out with this one. I just wanted to know, don't see anything wrong with finding out.

Nomad86 · 23/12/2017 18:18

With our 2nd, we didn't get the choice. DH spotted it, which was pretty obvious. Fortunately we wanted to know but maybe let the sonographer know if you want a surprise so she can turn the screen away.

Needmorehands · 23/12/2017 18:27

I totally relate to your being in two minds! Currently pg with number 5, a big surprise after a 6yr break, and it has taken me ages to get my head round it (19wks and not sure I'm there yet) 20wk scan next Weds and DH has said that he wants to find out the sex, whereas I'm reluctant. He says it will help me get used to the idea, and I suppose those PPs who say it makes it more real are saying the same thing, but we didn't find out with any of the others - nice birthday surprise :)

CPtart · 23/12/2017 18:43

I found out both times. It was fine. Not fussed about surprises. The birth was no less special I'm sure.
My friend chose not to. She ended up having a GA for an emergency CS and woke up groggy and disorientated trying to process the information. Everyone knew before her too.

DappledThings · 23/12/2017 18:48

Sidsreadingdiary We chose not to find out at scans (and we had 7 in the end with growth scans plus blood pressure ones) but I was in early labour when I posted and DD arrived at 8.30 this morning.

thismeansnothing · 23/12/2017 18:55

It's your decision obviously but also be prepared not to possible not be able to find out too. At my 20week scan no amount of prodding, poking tilting, cold ice fizzy water would get DD to uncross her ankles. We ended up paying for a 4d scan at 30 weeks instead.

formerbabe · 23/12/2017 18:57

I don't get the 'suprise' element. It's still a suprise when they tell you at the scan.

RideOn · 23/12/2017 18:59

I waited for the surprise 4 times but genuinely didn’t mind.
I think if you are “convinced” you know gender or have a preference, it might be better to find out - so you can get your head around it before they are out.

DryHeave · 23/12/2017 19:06

We found out beforehand and I’m glad we did. The birth left me in a total state of shock, I was completely out of it and baby was rushed off to NICU. I don’t think it would have been magical or special to find out in those circumstances so I’m pleased with the decision we made.

Theclockstruck2 · 23/12/2017 19:12

I have done both ways and one isn’t better than the other. Just different. Announcement slightly more fun if no one knows gender ahead of time. But I enjoyed the last bit of pregnancy knowing and getting ready, it was fun. I found the moment of finding out amazing and a lovely surprise at 20 weeks and at 40 weeks!! Just do what feels right on the day.

CandyCane007 · 23/12/2017 19:12

You could always find out and keep it between just you and your partner, keep it as a surprise for your family

NC1990 · 23/12/2017 19:26

We found out at 16 weeks. It was one of the best days of my life and was so lovely being able to say 'she' instead of 'it'. It was mainly DH that wanted to find out but I'm happy that we did.

Birth is not any less special if you know what you're having, it's such a massive, life-altering thing regardless. I do remember moving the umbilical cord out of the way and double-checking that DD was indeed a girl when she came out, you just never know!

DobbyLovesSocks · 23/12/2017 19:44

We didn't find out with our DS. Sonographer asked at our 20wk scan and seemed surprised we didn't want to know. We suspected we were having a boy but still stuck with neutral clothing and nursery decorations. We nicknamed him 'Titch' in the womb as didn't want to call him 'it'. We were asked by friends, family and a random stranger in Asda what we were having and I just replied 'a baby' or other sarcastic answers like 'scan wasn't clear but we think it's a baby'.

When I gave birth we planned that DH would watch him being born and then tell me what we had had. As it turned out I went into labour early and when I finally managed to push him out the midwife put him on my chest so quick that DH didn't get chance to look. We realised a minute or two later and I asked DH what did we have. I then lifted DS's leg and said 'oh, it's a boy!' We still laugh about that now. We had names picked out but had agreed that if name didn't fit then we would change but we were both happy. So he was named straightaway.

Finding out or not is a personal choice.

Sidsreadingdiary · 23/12/2017 19:46

Congratulations Dappled. That is brilliant news. Enjoy your lovely little girl.

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