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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To announce or not to announce on Facebook?

73 replies

NooNooHead · 19/12/2017 23:24

Had my 12w scan today and am v happy all is good with little babe and things seem to be progressing well.

I’ve told a few close friends and my family / DP that I’m expecting, but I am in really two minds as to whether to announce on social media or not... after my ectopic earlier this year, I am being very cautiously optimistic with this pregnancy and don’t want to tempt fate or jinx anything if I announce on Facebook. I am so excited yet scared at the same time, and really want to shout it from the rooftops! With my DD and first pregnancy, I announced very soon after my first scan. Now i’m itching to tell people but am not sure whether Facebook is a bit too ‘public’?

I’m going to look into whether I can create a group on Facebook and announce it to a few select friends that way perhaps...

What did you do? I’m keen to hear others’ views, as I know Facebook can be a bit of a no-no for some people.

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bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 14:31

If we have another, we won't be sharing on FB. Those who matter (and are close enough) will be told in person anyway.

MegEmski · 20/12/2017 15:07

We told all those close in person, then after the 12 week scan I did put it on facebook, and with a scan picture

I know a lot of people think that's terribly infra dig

I really liked it though, it's lovely sharing positive news. Each to their own.

EastDulwichWife · 20/12/2017 16:40

It's not for me. If you're close enough to any of them, you'd call or email them. No need to announce to people you knew 10 years ago. Feels quite showy.

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 20/12/2017 17:19

We haven't put anything up about either pregnancies. Firstly we didn't want to jinx things. Secondly we didn't want to be the cause of someone else's pain (I think you only understand the pain of surprise scan/baby bombs if you've struggled with infertility or loss). At the end of the day, we told those who we saw or who were good enough friends to actually get in touch with us over the 9 months of pregnancy!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 20/12/2017 17:29

I'm only 9.5 weeks but if this one makes it I won't be doing a FB announcement. I'm not a big social media poster anyway, and tbh they're normally pretty cringe (I think the worst are the sort of 'coy' ones - two adult shoes and a baby one or whatever). I also had three miscarriages before this one and am very mindful of how such announcements made me feel.

Having said, that, though, I really don't think making an announcement is the biggest way you can be obnoxious about pregnancy on social media - I'd far rather one announcement than those people who post weekly bump pics, or - worst of all - who constantly complain about how tough being pregnant is. Those are the ones that really reduced me to tears at my lowest points. An announcement isn't to my taste, but I don't think it's inherently crass like those posts.

Mrstobe90 · 20/12/2017 17:53

I announced on Facebook as a few people knew and I didn’t want word getting round without it coming from me. I felt that it was my news to share, not others’ news to gossip about x

Lillybilly20 · 20/12/2017 21:11

‘Announced’ like you’re the queen haha 😂

ForFuckSakeSusan · 20/12/2017 22:25

I didn't put anything up on FB about my pregnancy but did share a photo of DS a few days after he was born as it was the easiest way to show all of my family (not originally from the UK so only have my immediate family here).

People that I hadn't spoken to in years - old school friends (left 10 years ago!) and ex work colleagues, started messaging saying things like: "you kept that quiet" or "that was a very secretive pregnancy" and it just made the whole thing weird! If anything it showed me that I was right to only share with those that matter because some people are just a bit odd about these things!

it's all a very personal choice and depends who you have on social media I suppose.

thingymaboob · 20/12/2017 22:35

I think sharing on Facebook is awful and tacky. It really makes me cringe. I also found it hard to see those posts after my miscarriage and whilst trying to conceive.

TurquoiseDress · 21/12/2017 12:16

I think it's a really personal and individual thing.

Of course, it's always lovely sharing the good news whether it's face to face or over social media...just do whatever you're comfortable with.

With my first pregnancy I never did a FB announcement, I attended a friend's wedding at around 7 months or so and the pictures of that were posted by others kind of made it obvious, it was lovely to get nice messages from old friends who I had not heard from in ages.

When LO was born we put one photo up a couple of days after the birth.
If we are lucky enough that this pregnancy progresses, we will just tell people face to face.

Having experienced a missed miscarriage at the dating scan last year has made me much more mindful of others going through similar or worse, but I'm not inclined towards FB announcing anyway.

But each to their own.

TurquoiseDress · 21/12/2017 12:20

I do admit that after suffering a missed miscarriage I found it really hard to see all the FB pregnancy announcements, it knocked the breath out of me...even those people who I never see or interact with, it just did something to me.

Also, seeing all the comments and then talk about mat leave, when the baby arrives etc...I used to think, you're barely out of the first trimester, don't count your chickens!

Not in a nasty or spiteful way at all, but maybe I was nostalgic for the complete and utter blissful naivety of my first pregnancy.

Gah, miscarriage certainly changed me totally.

Bear2014 · 21/12/2017 12:23

We announced both of ours after 20 weeks, but no scan photos. They can be triggering for some people if they happen to pop up on their feed.

Congratulations!

Heartofglass12345 · 21/12/2017 12:25

I did with a picture of my scan both times, i was so excited i wanted to tell everyone

alletik · 21/12/2017 12:27

Yes!

I had my DC pre Facebook, so obviously didn't post mine online. But I find it stops the awkwardness of you knowing, but not having been told, not seeing the person everyday and then thinking, shall I post, not post etc....

Tell your loved ones first and then post so everyone (including those you might not see often) can congratulate you.

NC1990 · 21/12/2017 12:30

I didn't post anything on Facebook, I think 99% of social media pregnancy announcements are tacky and vomit-inducing.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/12/2017 12:39

Turquoise I felt/feel exactly the same - I never got a 'naive' pregnancy, though, as I started having miscarriages when TTCing for the first time. I know that for most people pregnancy is an exciting thing to share, not an anxious and horrible time, and it's not their fault it can't be like that for me. I did/do hate seeing scan pictures, and so many announcements contain thoughtlessly hurtful things: 'We're going to be a family!' (because childless couples aren't a family?), the faux-innocent 'Oops looked what happened!'. I've seen a couple with references to the 'dad' being 'proud of his swimmers', which is both pretty grim and really thoughtless when it's for a public audience.

The nicest ones I've seen are much later in pregnancy, with no cutesy imagery or scans, just a picture of the obviously pregnant woman and a simple message like 'Really excited to say that we're expecting our first/another baby in...'.

NewUser24 · 21/12/2017 13:24

Only told my nearest and dearest before my son was born. I then put a post on face book when he had been born and we knew all was well

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 21/12/2017 14:24

Lisasimpsonsbff - I saw similar! One said "We tried sex and can confirm it works", then another said "[Husband] stepped up like a man and we got pregnant first month". Pretty f*cking horrific to read if you're going through infertility/failed IVF treatments, particularly when it's male factor infertility and your husband already feels worthless .

Original poster

NooNooHead · 21/12/2017 16:06

Thanks for all your thoughts and replies.

I do agree that it is very hard for those who have had losses to see scan pics and pregnancy updates and I am very mindful of that now, having suffered a loss this year😥

I’m going to put something up much later on in the pregnancy when I am showing a lot more, and won’t put my scan pic up etc as I know how triggering it might be for others. I am so excited for my DD that she is hopefully going to be a big sister - I might include her in my pic when I post it.

OP posts:

ferntwist · 21/12/2017 17:15

My MIL described scan pictures on Facebook as ‘showing the world the inside of your body’ and after that I completely went off the idea of ever posting mine online. It suddenly occurred to me that I’d be showing old workmates and second cousins my womb and it seemed far too personal. As well as worrying about triggering other people going through miscarriage, as we did, or infertility.

Firstchild7 · 21/12/2017 19:34

It's really up2 u I didn't put anything on fb but then people who know tag u in stuff and put stuff on ur fb wall ect news travails but I have still kept mine off face book people who really know u will know and the others who cares but totally up to u and ur other half

TheVoiceOfTreason · 21/12/2017 21:01

We did one. No scan pictures (not that I see anything wrong with doing it that way), but a picture of me obviously pregnant on the beach on holiday saying the secret is out, we are expecting our first child in February. We'd already told family and most of our inner circle in person beforehand but there are plenty of friends in other parts of the country, in some cases even other continents, and it was nice to be able to share that with them!

I don't really see what's cringesome about them. Social media is supposed to be social. I like seeing other people being happy, even when I was single and sad I'd have never begrudged anyone I genuinely liked their happy moments like engagement and baby announcements. I'd sooner see a load of engagement and baby announcements than preachy political statuses, for example.

sausagerollsrock · 21/12/2017 21:08

Each to their own but I personally hate fb announcements. We've kept it very quiet so far (17 weeks) and will continue to do so. I won't be announcing the birth either nor do I want pictures over fb.

peachgreen · 21/12/2017 21:28

I mentioned it in a post on Facebook at about 28 weeks, mostly because a friend had mentioned it in a comment thread and people were seeing that. But it wasn't a big announcement. I would never post a scan photo as I found them hugely upsetting after my miscarriage - think this is pretty common with women who've suffered a loss.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 21/12/2017 23:07

I did with DC1 - put up a status about it after the 12w scan, a couple of bump photos over the course of the pregnancy, I think a photo of the 20w scan, and a photo and a few details once she was here. My first pregnancy was a 13w mmc so I was conscious of not shoving it in everyone’s faces all the time, just in case.
DC2 was my fifth pregnancy, I’d had 2 mmc (admittedly with DC1 in between!) and a mc by the time I fell pregnant with him, and it took me until well over 20w to really relax and believe we’d actually manage a baby at the end of it all. I definitely wasn’t up to having the whole of fb knowing all about it when I was feeling pretty wobbly about it myself. And then once I got past that, I just didn’t see the point in having lots of people I didn’t particularly care about knowing my business. We did put up a photo with his name etc once he was here safely.
Nearly 23w now with DC3 and no announcement this time either - again, I just don’t really see the point. Everyone that needs to know already knows. I’m not very active on fb anyway so I feel like it would look a bit OTT if I started posting pregnancy stuff. It’s not a secret - I don’t mind if people mention it, tag me in things etc on there, but I won’t be putting anything up specifically. We will probably do the same as before when and if this baby makes it out ok - photo, name and weight, and leave it at that. Each to their own though!

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