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Original poster

DP forgot we have a scan :(

27 replies

cornishmumtobe · 16/12/2017 17:00

Just after a bit of a hand hold really. Fully aware that pregnancy hormones are making me feel more emotional than usual.

Basically, I have a growth scan next week. Been booked since September. Have told DP about this multiple times / discussed how I will get him home after (he doesn't drive and the scan is at a hospital in another county - I've managed to work from home even though I actually work v close to the hospital so I can drive him home after) and the letter has been on our notice board in the kitchen since September.

Well he forgot. And has agreed to swap shifts at work so now he's working that day Sad his immediate reaction was that he thought he we might have been doing something that day but couldn't remember what and joked with his manager that I might be annoyed about it.

I'm just feeling sad that he never remembers anything we do. I've said he should use the calendar I bought him but his response is 'I never put anything in the calendar' and 'there's nothing I can do now'. He didn't even seem bothered about it which really upset me Sad tried talking to him calmly about it and why I was disappointed (last night) but he just got really angry at me and has been completely off with me ever since.

Sigh. Sorry for the rant. Just wish he cared more.

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PersianCatLady · 16/12/2017 17:03

I think it is sad that you had to rearrange your work I order to drive him there and home afterwards.

You say that it is in another county but that doesn't necessarily make it hard to get to.

Original poster
cornishmumtobe · 16/12/2017 17:57
Sad

I didn't have to do that - just wanted to because it makes life easier (saves a few buses and a long walk for him). Well except it doesn't - because he's not coming now anyway so needn't have bothered. Sigh again.

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 16/12/2017 18:04

I moaned recently about my now ex refusing to come to my first scan; it upset me a lot because to me it means he isn't interested. A lot of other posters basically told me that pregnancy isn't important to the guys like it is to us & they don't get as het up about it. I guess going from your post about how he has responded, this sounds like it describes your partner.

Doesn't make it any less hurtful tho, to me it's a big thing!! Big hugs

Original poster
cornishmumtobe · 16/12/2017 18:16

Thanks mustbemad Smile it is hurtful. What's worse is he's still barely talking to me after getting mad and we're out for a Christmas party meal tonight. Had my hair cut and blow dried and he didn't notice Sad (although the way I'm feeling probably nothing he can do is right today - I'll probably tell him off for breathing wrong later)

OP posts:
Jenijena · 16/12/2017 18:18

Assuming you both have smart phones, get them and set up a shared a calendar. Everything - and I mean everything - goes in there. Once you have children the life admin gets so much harder and you need to both get your head aroud this otherwise you will do 95% of the load...

PersianCatLady · 16/12/2017 18:20

I still think if is sad. You are pregnant and you are rearranging your time to save him catching a few buses and walking.

mustbemad17 · 16/12/2017 18:24

I had visions of the Friends episode then where Rachel is overdue & flips out at Ross for breathing heavily 😱 Sorry, altho might make you chuckle ☺️

Try & have a good evening...you don't need him next to you to do that 🙂

seven201 · 16/12/2017 18:59

I think you're over reacting a bit. It's a growth scan, you can't really see that much in them as it's all too close up. Yes it's nice to have a little peek. My dh didn't come to those with me as we didn't want him to use up his annual leave. I'd be annoyed at his lack of organisation though!

monkeyfacegrace · 16/12/2017 19:03

I think you may possibly being a little precious too (sorry!).

It's a growth scan. I have had a million scans over 4 pregnancies and DH only came to the 12 week ones, and a 20 week if we were finding out sex. Other than that, even the ones where baby had died and I needed lots of scans, I went alone.

If DH is working it's not like he's sat at home playing xbox. Maybe try to see clearly- it's just a growth scan. It'll be fine. Don't cause a row when there doesn't need to be one.

Wishingandwaiting · 16/12/2017 19:07

What sticks out is not that he forgot but that he got “really angry” with you over you calmly saying your disappointed.

Wishingandwaiting · 16/12/2017 19:08

And has “been off with you ever since”

Much much more concerning that forgetting a scan

clumsyduck · 16/12/2017 19:13

I had Similair recently with dp and appointment !!

He is the loveliest kindest man I know and would do anything for me ( if I write it on a post it and stick it on his forehead Grin ) it's very annoying isn't it op but I wouldn't take it that he doesn't care Flowers

ClareB83 · 16/12/2017 21:54

I don't think you're over reacting. My OH wants to be at all the scans (and we have loads with twins) because they're a chance to see HIS children.

Also not going to the 20 week scan is awful. What if there's bad news and you need support from your life partner?

So much of being pregnant is all on you, the minimum he can do is come to the scans and appointments where he is welcome.

Original poster
cornishmumtobe · 16/12/2017 22:05

Thanks all for the replies, appreciate the messages and the different perspectives. On reflection I wonder if I was more disappointed that it was a scan he forgot or just that it was another thing in a line of things that he forgot (if that even makes sense). Just makes me feel unimportant because to me if I make plans with someone they go in my diary and I make sure I'm there. It would be disrespectful not to.

I'm definitely going to look into a shared calendar though. Not sure how to get him to use it but it's worth a shot... Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
cornishmumtobe · 03/09/2018 21:20

Thought I'd update this old thread.

Turns out DP forgetting the scan was the start of him basically being a shite. DS is 7 months now and DP has left - after months of leaving me to do absolutely all the parenting of DS and exDP being generally nasty he's left.

OP posts:
OrcinusOrca · 03/09/2018 21:57

So sorry OP, what a bellend Thanks

CallMeOnMyCell · 03/09/2018 21:59

Oh you poor thing! He sounds awful Sad Do you want to talk about it? Perhaps you could start a new thread on the relationships board?

bubblybrit · 03/09/2018 22:04

I just stumbled upon this thread but couldn’t read and run. So sorry that this has happened to you @cornishmumtobe. Focus on your beautiful DS. It seems that both of you may be better off without exDP if that is what he was like only 7 months into parenthood. Hope you have lots of great support from family and friends x

salopek · 03/09/2018 22:21

Very sad to read this OP Thanks

Brenna24 · 03/09/2018 22:27

I am so sorry. Flowers

What a shock for you. I have a 7 month old here too and I can't imagine how your ex could walkout on such perfection as they are.

Stephisaur · 03/09/2018 22:44

Oh wow op, what a shit Flowers

Gigis · 03/09/2018 22:47

God what a shit. Have got support in rl? Parents or friends who can give you some hugs and time off? Flowers

Original poster
cornishmumtobe · 04/09/2018 21:53

Wow thank you for the responses.

I'm very lucky as I have absolutely loads of RL support - mainly my parents who are godsends.

Onwards and upwards.

OP posts:
Sandstormbrewing · 04/09/2018 22:05

Hmm, I didn't expect DH to come to anything except the 12 and 20 week scan. He did come to an anomalous consultant appointment we didn't know why I'd been asked to go to because he was worried. I had a growth scan later on but didn't ask or expect him to come and neither of us were worried.

Sandstormbrewing · 04/09/2018 22:06

Oh sorry, just read the update. Yeah, he's a shit!

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