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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If you had a surprise first time round did you regret finding out the sex second time round?

28 replies

scaredofthecity · 12/12/2017 19:15

2nd pregnancy and I have my 20 week scan on Thurs. We didn't find out with my DS but tbh I found it a bit of an anticlimax and I was so I'm shock after a fast labour it didn't even register.
I keep changing my mind about finding out the babies sex on Thurs (obviously if it is possible). I think it's nice for everyone around you if it is a surprise, but it would definately make it easier for me to organise things, especially as I'm convinced this one is a girl.
Did anyone regret finding out 2nd time round? Did it spoil your experience of birth?

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MadameJosephine · 12/12/2017 19:20

I wish I hadn’t found out. Finding out I was having a girl at my 20 week scan was lovely but I felt I missed out on the excitement that I had when I gave birth to my first not knowing.

I don’t really get the ‘I need to be prepared’ thing as there’s nothing you need for one sex that you wouldn’t need for the other

december212 · 12/12/2017 19:28

We found out but didn’t tell anyone. I thought it would be harder to not slip up than it actually was. None of our family or friends pushed us to find out or tried to trick us into saying, they enjoyed the surprise when she was eventually born. It was also great for getting some wee girly bits bought. I’m glad we found out as the birth wasn’t straight forward - it was easier to enjoy the moment at the scan.

NapQueen · 12/12/2017 19:33

We didnt know with dc1 as I wanted dh to tell me straight after delivery. It was a beautiful moment in amongst the madness of an horrific birth.

We found out with dc2 only so that dd was prepared and to stop people asking her what she preferred (why do that to a 2yo who cant control her preference!!).

I have to say I didnt feel any more bonded to the bump and all our newborn stuff was unisex from dc1 so prep wise we didnt need to know. I did miss the reveal after birth but it was an excellent labour so swings and roundabouts.

We are not planning dc3 but if ut happened I wouldnt find out as I prefer to find out at the birth.

Ecureuil · 12/12/2017 19:36

We didn’t find out with DD1. Like you it felt like a bit of an anticlimax... after 3 days in labour I was completely exhausted and it barely registered.
Found out with DD2 and I loved it. I found out when I was calm and happy and relaxed (had a private scan at 18 weeks) and when she was born it was like meeting the little girl I’d been waiting to meet, IYSWIM?

WishITookLifeSeriously · 12/12/2017 19:38

I wish I hadn't found out 2nd time. Dh wanted to know and I didn't, but couldn't cope with him knowing so I eventually got him to tell me. It was a much less exciting pregnancy after that.

PasswordInvalid · 12/12/2017 19:41

I never found with any of my 3. I considered it but decided not to. I'm glad I didn't, it was so nice to be able to phone people and say "it's a girl/boy" it was a surprise for everyone.

Tedster77 · 12/12/2017 19:44

Didn’t find out with my first - like you had a very fast shocking labour and decided all of parenting was a suprise enough . Second time I found out but didn’t tell anyone. I needed to feel prepared but I stilll wanted everyone else to have the suprise. Was quite funny having people SWEAR they could tell me what I was having and had NEVER got it wrong...and yet get it wrong.

Nuffaluff · 12/12/2017 19:46

I'm really glad I found out second time.
There are loads of boys on my husband's side of the family. Apparently it makes it a lot more likely that I would have a boy. Kept my first baby's sex a surprise. I had a boy.
Second pregnancy I did want a girl. So we found out so I wouldn't be thinking about it the whole pregnancy. Found out I was having another boy.
At the time it was a very small disappointment - a tiny one. But then I quickly got used to the idea and I was very excited to meet him when he came along.

Passmethecrisps · 12/12/2017 19:47

We took my dd to a private sexing scan as we felt it would help her prepare. I am really pleased we did it. It is always a surprise whether t Ian surprise at 20 weeks or at birth

Corcra · 12/12/2017 19:50

We had a surprise with dd1 and found out for dd2. It was just as exciting both times for me.
Our dd1 was insistent she only wanted a sister so we found out so we could prepare her. Also I wanted to get rid of dresses etc if we didn't need them but we did and it was lovely. It's personal preference isn't it. 😊

FairyMcHairy · 12/12/2017 19:50

Didn't find out first, did second. My only regret was not finding out at 20 weeks for my first. I loved knowing and for practical (clothes) reasons it was really useful.

happymummy12345 · 12/12/2017 19:55

I've always said I'd never, ever find out the sex of any children I have until the birth.
I think it ruins the best surprise you an have. I don't like the idea of nurseries so I'd never do that. And as for people that say you can be more organised, I don't agree. Buy the essentials in neutral colours, put the money away and then buy the rest after the baby is born if you want gender specific stuff.
I won't be finding out in the future either.

desperadoville · 12/12/2017 19:56

I secretly really really wanted a girl. So for me, finding out was a massive benefit because by the time he was here I was already totally in love with the new man in my life. Of course it could be argued that I would have loved him the second I set eyes on him, but at least I knew for sure that there would be no disappointment. I couldn't find out with my second so it was a surprise, but to be honest I was so exhausted it was a bit of an anti climax in terms of finding out the gender, I could have birthed a zebra and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid!

Strokethefurrywall · 12/12/2017 20:01

Yep, I regretted finding out with DS2.

DS1 was a surprise (but I had a feeling it was a boy).
DS2 I had no idea so we found out when I was around 22 weeks (if only to stop DH wanting to kill me whilst creating giant lists of names).

I wish I'd not found out - for me, there was no way to compare finding out whilst looking at a screen, to the look on my DH's face when he told me what we had with DS1. It was priceless.

Obviously was overjoyed, but do wish I'd stayed patient. I don't need any time knowing the sex of the baby to feel bonded with it so it was a bit of an anti-climax for me.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 12/12/2017 20:49

I’m the other way round - found out with both my other 2 children, but 21w now with DC3 and have kept it a surprise. With the others I just wanted to know. I really felt I knew what they were, and was wrong both times, so it was good to have the time to readjust. Plus when I was pg with DC2, DD really, desperately wanted a sister, so we found out so as not to risk her being disappointed. I have no regrets whatsoever about finding out. But I love the idea of a surprise - that moment when they pass your newborn baby up to you, love the thought of me and DH finding out then what it is! I’m rubbish at waiting and was desperate to find out, but I know I’d be sad if I never experienced a surprise. And, not that it would matter anyway, but we have one of each, so we figured it could only be one or the other.
So I guess the long and short is - do whatever works for you! Fwiw I think it will be just as amazing whether you find out the sex during pregnancy or not - meeting your new baby for the first time is incredible no matter what!

Ecureuil · 12/12/2017 20:52

TBH I can’t imagine the birth of a child ever being any less special just because you know what it’s got between it’s legs!

BigBaboonBum · 12/12/2017 20:52

Sort of. I did it so that my son had time to mentally prepare for a brother or sister and would help him bond etc, but I loved the not knowing with my eldest... even though we were absolutely convinced he was a he!

Original poster

scaredofthecity · 12/12/2017 21:04

thanks for you interesting responses.
yeah your right madame... organised for what? we've got mostly neutral early baby bits as we didn't know first time, and even if they did say it was a girl, I probably wouldn't get rid of any really boy stuff as they get it wrong sometimes!
I did really enjoy that speculating first time around. We have toyed with the idea of finding out then keeping schtum but I'm rubbish at keeping secrets (my own that is, other people's is fine!)
DS is not 3 yet so I don't feel he's going to really mind either way, it's just a baby iyswim!
I think I'm erring more to surprise, I am really hoping that second time around the birth will be a bit more chilled. I couldn't even hold DS as I was shaking so much.

OP posts:

perfectlywretched · 12/12/2017 21:04

I’m wondering the same thing. I was so pleased we didn’t find out with DD1 - my sister said it would be like unwrapping your Christmas present before Christmas, exciting but not as good as waiting until Christmas Day.

With DC2 I am keen to be more organised, wondering if we can give away the piles of girls clothes etc but I would love to have the same excitement and anticipation again.

EveMoneypenny · 12/12/2017 21:09

I was always adamant I would never find out the sex during pregnancy, it was spoiling the surprise, etc. We didn't find out with DS1, although we had a hunch he was a boy as we thought we spotted boy parts on a couple of the scans. My second pregnancy was a bit worrying. I'd been diagnosed with a couple of complications and everything seemed very uncertain. The baby's sex felt like just one more uncertainty, so we found out. I quite enjoyed knowing this time. It was nice to prepare DS1 for having a little brother. If I'd had a smooth pregnancy I might have held out for the big reveal at the birth, but I've got no regrets. If we ever have DC3 I might leave that one to be a surprise again.

Original poster

scaredofthecity · 12/12/2017 21:10

btw I'm not thinking that girls have to only wear pink or anything, and if it is she'll probably be wearing lots of blue and dinosaur bits, but I'm not sure I could dress her in the chinos and shirts and bits that I've saved from DS

OP posts:

mindutopia · 12/12/2017 21:15

We didn't find out with our dd (and like you, labour was very unexpected and it was all such a shock that I couldn't enjoy it or even process what was happened when I found out she was a girl). Now pregnant with our 2nd and last and we did find out (we're having a boy). It's been absolutely lovely to be able to know this time. I'm still glad we didn't find out the first time around, but with an older child to explain it to, it's been really nice to know and to be able to talk about baby names with her and to get a few nice things for baby that aren't gender neutral (everything else we have is gender neutral). I think it's especially nice as this is our last baby and I'm glad we did it differently this time just to have the experience. The sonographer printed out a lovely picture of baby and a note for our dd telling her she was getting a little brother and put it an envelope for us and really made it special for her. So definitely glad we decided to find out this time, though no regrets that we didn't the first time either.

muffyduffster · 12/12/2017 21:26

Didn't find out with our first, and like PPs, it was so special having DH tell me she was a girl! Won't find out the next one if we're lucky enough to conceive again, either. The midwives enjoyed the surprise too as they said only 10% of new babies born at that hospital aren't known (bad English but you get the gist!)

Oysterbabe · 12/12/2017 21:47

We didn't find out with DD but have this time. We wanted to pass on any girly clothing if necessary as we have quite limited storage. Also my DH had quite a strong boy preference and he wanted to make sure if we were having another girl he'd gotten over that long before the birth. He was worried about feeling a bit disappointed at the birth that he'd never have a son and didn't want his first emotions after birth to be anything but happiness.
We haven't told anyone that we've found out though, they all think we're having a surprise. However most people have correctly guessed boy.

Paperchains1986 · 13/12/2017 05:33

I'm 14 weeks and feel like people who wait to find out need to "convert" me to their way of thinking. It's bloody annoying.

It's not not a surprise if I have the surprise earlier than you did

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