Terrified every day

[EmmaHealy23]

I’m currently 22 weeks into my most successful pregnancy so far. Have had a history of miscarriage, which were in the 1st trimester, and it seems I’ve got much further along this time...but I’m still petrified. Every single day I feel I’m just trying (and failing) to distract myself. I thought once I made it to 12 weeks the anxiety would magically disappear, then I thought maybe 20 weeks...I don’t know anymore. I guess I’m just asking if I’m alone? Anyone else feel like this, even at this stage?

I’ve tried counselling, sadly hasn’t worked for me although the counsellor herself was just lovely. I just feel I’m going out of my mind.

I'm 19 weeks and exactly like this. My 20 week scan is this week and i am preparing myself for the worst although have no real reason to. I keep googling horror stories about things that have happened to others and telling myself it's good to be prepared!

I'm hoping once i get to 24 weeks i might feel better but then i thought that at 12 weeks!

Thanks for sharing your story peachycandle hope mine has a happy ending too... still, it’s sad to hear you felt awful too. TBH sometimes I do feel like I’m unable to concentrate on anything, but then again I kind of think maybe I could be doing more to make myself feel a bit positive or at least get my arse into gear to do something. Maybe I’m holding myself back too, I know the anxiety is holding me back, but maybe I’m almost ‘giving up’ on having a normal life a bit too quickly xx

molifly I’m the same...almost like looking for problems where there aren’t any and when people as me why I’m thinking that way I can’t give them an answer other than just...fear. People must think I’m crazy but to me it doesn’t seem crazy xx

Does anyone else feel like when they hear someone else is going for a scan, I feel really confidently that their scan will be perfect yet when it’s me, the worst scenarios possible not only jump into my thoughts, but lodge themselves in until I’ve almost convinced myself that they are reality.

Why is the confidence level so high when it comes to others and so low when it comes to me?

Anxiety isn't rational unfortunately. I think the reality is that you are (understandably!) much more invested in your own pregnancy and so its harder to see things clearly.

Yes defo feel like this I'm 30 weeks feel less anxious than i did to be honest but I don't really go out in less I have to because I feel if I'm at home i can do what I need to for my baby.

With the pregnancy after my mc I totally stopped drinking any tea or coffee, I was terrified of the caffeine (I had drunk a moderate amount when I was pregnant with my DS). I didn’t even eat chocolate in the early days, I remember getting a 99 ice cream and feeling scared of eating the Flake. I also cried and rang 111 after I accidentally ate a teeny piece of pink steak when I was 7 months pregnant as I was worried about toxoplasmosis, and barely touched our cat for the same reason (he got plenty of affection from DS and DH!) even though he does his business outside and not in a litter tray. I think I just felt like if I could do anything at all not to add extra risk then I would do it. It’s such a stressful time.

Totally the same re: tea and coffee, had a freak out over some re-heated food at the beginning. I just wasn’t really prepared for quite how anxious I would be...I don’t know what made me think I’d just be really happy and confident but that’s kind of how I pictured myself...the exact opposite of how I actually feel!

Firstchild7 just out of interest how far along were you when you started to relax a little? Was it after 24 weeks, that’s kind is what I’m hoping for but not really sure if it will happen that way...it didn’t change much after 12 weeks

Hi Emma, I'm currently 22 weeks (after 22 week previous loss) and hoping that my turning point will come after Christmas. I'm keeping busy preparing for Christmas - Christmas shopping almost done but there's wrapping, cards etc. etc. pretty mindless really but it's giving me a focus. I have a young dc so have to organise costumes for nativity play and there are other minor events along the way etc. Although I'm not a massive fan of Christmas, I have found it a massive help in terms of focusing my energy and providing extra activities. But to be honest, I don't think I'll relax until baby is safely here, my anxiety seems to have been quite high over the past few days but then my sleep isn't great either.

I was the same as you too. It’s most likely that your other miscarriages were due to genetic problems but as you’ve got this far, you’ve had anomaly scan and there’s a definite heart beat etc it’s far more likely now tonne a completely ‘normal’ pregnancy - I was very much like you though and worried a lot. When I was about 16 weeks with my first child I was almost hysterical in my doctors surgery because I was so scared I may not be pregnant anymore (long term bleeding I the pregnancy, blood turned black and I couldn’t feel movement yet ) they were really kind and did a Doppler and found the heart beat which really helped, then about a week or so later I could feel her moving and after the anomynscan I felt better still. Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy now

FWIW my first child is now 9 and I worry about all sorts of other things now lol 😆 the worry never stops

Oh user your post made me cry, that’s how far along I am now. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain, but this is exactly what I mean when people tell me it will all be fine, not for everyone though. For some people it’s not fine at all and this is what worries me every day. This just backs up how I feel, I wish I had the same confidence other ladies have when it comes to buying things, being carefree and happy, I just don’t have that level of confidence at all x

flumpybear thank you for sharing, I can’t believe how many anxious mums there are out there, it seems such a taboo subject, anxiety in pregnancy and there seems to be so many ladies who suffer.

I’ve literally looked into this and I can’t even seem to find so much as a support group for anxious mums, or for people struggling with depression while pregnant.

Emma, Sorry, Just realised that in your original post you said you are 22 weeks, it was probably insensitive of me to post sorry x The thing is, I don't think any amount of worrying will change the outcome sadly and we have no choice but to move forward. People have been finding out now about my pregnancy and jumping for joy, hugging and kissing me etc. but the really wise ones know that I cant get excited. But we have to take a leap of faith, sorry no wise words of wisdom - do you work? Do you have another focus? Even for a short while it helps breaks things up a bit. I have an engrossing hobby which helps and as I said up thread currently focusing on Christmas (as are a lot of non-pregnant people). Please know that what happened to me isn't common, I'm not saying it wont happen but there are all the other pregnancies (including my previous 2) that went ahead successfully - just look around at all of the millions of people out there are, walking around for evidence x Keep posting, keep talking or just writing about how you feel; it helps to get things out of your head and you are not alone in feeling this way x

No no I’m sorry user I didn’t think you were insensitive at all, I think if more people talked about their loss then feeling anxious in pregnancy would be less taboo, please feel free to share as much as you feel comfortable or want to, I just mean it’s things like your loss that do happen and people burying their heads in the sand and pretending it doesn’t is what makes me feel more alone, like why am I the only one worrying? (I know I’m not really the only one- but in my day to day life I am!)

Yes I do work, have been off Work for 2 weeks for another health problem but tbh I’m starting to dread going back - like if I go back before 24 weeks something mad might happen....I know, TOTALLY irrational but hey, that’s me now! Logic has abandoned me totally.

I have to say, you are much braver than me...not sure I’d have your strength.

Need to buy myself a time machine! X

No, not strong, have been to horrible places with this and frightened of returning there but I cannot let my dc's see me crack - although I have talked it through with them especially with my elder dc who is 11 now and who got dragged through the whole thing with me x I struggled to deal with her grief at a time when I couldn't cope with my own, so I need to at least sound semi-pragmatic x

Tbh I don’t think Christmas is making me feel much better, which is odd as I’m normally a real Christmas lover but I see all the happy adverts and it just makes me nervous for some reason...don’t know if this is because we don’t have any other children...or just general weird superstition on my part...superstitions are my life!

user please please realise to me you are showing incredible strength, not that I can pretend how you feel, but if you can get through that there is hope for us all.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and help us all, so many lovely lovely ladies struggling.

I did speak to my counsellor today and she said she would try to put in place a support group for worried mums!!! I said I would help in any way I could and she said speaking to me made her realise there might be more ladies who need support. What a positive that would be!! Even if it didn’t happen to help me directly, raising awareness would be just incredible

Emma, that is a really pro-active thing to do - the support group I mean.
I have suffered from infertility in the past and started a fertility support group and it felt like it was a really worthwhile and much needed thing to do - good luck with that.x

Wow user that’s awesome! I must admit it’s something that has actually made me feel like the old me, excited to be doing something! If you don’t mind, if you had any pointers for doing that sort of thing, I’d love to hear them! I’m sure the counsellor will give me some tips too!!

Hi Emma, I hope to pm you later. I had no prior experience facilitating a group but had completed a short counselling course which I found useful, I would be pleased to give you an outline about how the group ran x

Would love that user any advice would be very much appreciated...I think focusing my energy on something positive would do me good

Hi, I don't have much to add as you've had some wonderful responses. I just wanted to say that you're really not alone at all. It does seem like most pregnant women are oblivious to all that can go wrong and are just in this bubble of excitement that they shout from the rooftops. It's hard when you're not like that; not because you're not thrilled to be pregnant but because the anxiety puts a brake on true excitement.

When I was pregnant with DS my NCT leader asked us all to say what we were most afraid of. Everyone said "a baby that won't sleep" or "pain in labour". I said "stillbirth" and the entire room literally looked at me like . Even after he was born they were all terrified that their baby wouldn't sleep through the night aged 2 weeks old, yet I was preoccupied with SIDS. They just didn't get it and I'm sure they all think I'm some morbid weirdo .

I have found, as a previous poster said, that you just learn to get through it day by day. Personally I found it got easier once DS was born as every time I was anxious I could go and look at him and physically check that he was ok!

It may be worth flagging your anxiety to your midwife/health visitor, just so they know to look out for you throughout the rest of your pregnancy and after (in those weeks when your hormones are simply all over the place!).

Absolutely agree with speaking to your MW/HV about any anxiety - my anxiety did seem to be centred about the pregnancy itself, an disappeared when DD was actually born. Hopefully yours will do the same. I do have a general anxiety around health in general, both my own health and other members of my family, but it only really ‘flares up’ when we have things like D&V as I’m also emetophobic and in general I’d say I’ve been less worried about DD than I was about DS, my first baby.

Did you find about the pregnancy quite early OP? I did with all my pregnancies and was always really jealous of people who didn’t find out til much later as they had less time to worry! I know of someone who was 5 months pregnant before she found out, I was about 4 weeks and a couple of days with DD!

peachycandle yes yes I found out so early, one day after my period was late I totally agree, my sister found out and had her 12 week scan about 2 weeks later! I had my 13 week scan about 200 weeks later (or so it felt!) but it is just extra worrying time for me!!

CoffeesndCupcakes85 omg bless you, but I totally totally agree...surely THAT is everyone's worst fear? It's not morbid it's common sense! Ugh when people moan about weight gain I find myself just thinking who cares about that? Or stretch marks? Though I can see why they are not ideal they are far, far from the end of the world.

I need to work out how to put myself in w time machine or a bubble and float around without a care in the world!

There is a lady at my work who was pregnant not long ago...she smoked throughout her pregnancy, convinced it was all scare mongering and her biggest concern was that her child would be ginger!!! I am at a loss when I talk to her...we might have gone through the same thing but we have clearly had wildly different experiences!! X