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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Missed Miscarrige.........Why?

38 replies

missnatalie · 11/04/2007 22:31

Today i have been for my scan and should have been 11w 5d. The scan shown that my baby's heart stopped at 9w 2d. Doctors are calling this a missed miscarrige and they will be removing the baby on friday.

My question is why does this happen? The heartbeat was perfect at 6w. Baby was normal size and we saw the yolk sac etc. My MW told me that the risk of miscarrige dramatically reduces once the heartbeat has been seen, so why has it happend?

I lost 1 baby in nov 06 as it was ectopic and now another. 2 babies in the space of 5 months.

I asked the doc today why it happens and she couldnt answer. She said it just happens. There must be a reason why though.

Has anyone else been through this and know why it happens?

Natalie x

OP posts:

lulumama · 11/04/2007 22:32

oh honey, so sorry

there is no reason, it is just one of those things, nothing could have been done differently, some babies just don;t make it.....

really sorry for the loss of your babies x

princesscc · 11/04/2007 22:39

I have been in almost this situation, I lost 2 babies to ectopic in five months, so I know how you are feeling Sadly, I was also told that there was no real reason for it to happen like it did and they were certainly very suprised that it happened twice. I can't offer any solid answers, but I can offer words of support whenever you need them.

lulumama · 11/04/2007 22:39

if you post in miscarriage / bereavement, might get more answers

Original poster

missnatalie · 11/04/2007 22:45

Thank you lulumama 7 princesscc.

Im feeling really numb at the moment. Its such a horrible feeling to know that my baby is dead inside me and theres nothing i can do. Ive got everything going around my head at the moment. I just cant help thinking / asking why? Why does it keep on happening to me?

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hana · 11/04/2007 22:47

really sorry that you've had such bad luck missnatalie, and it really is just that - fertility and conception is such a lottery.
Its a large matter of genes not working out , think of all those cells multiplying and dividing, it is a miracle at all that babies are born healthy and well. I've also lost 3 babies, 2 within 5 months as well - it was a really difficult time for me and really never thought I'd get 'out' of it. That was 3 years ago......and I did. It was posting here that helped a great deal, finding women going thorugh the same thing was great support.
hope you do too
x

princesscc · 11/04/2007 22:50

Do you have other children Nat or are you ttc 1st one?

hana · 11/04/2007 22:53

my first m/c was my first pregnancy and didn't affect me the way the others did.....I think because after I had my first child, I knew what I was missing out on, knew what it was all about but it just wasn't happening for me
(sorry for hijack)

berolina · 11/04/2007 22:56

I'm very sorry, missnatalie. How particularly cruel for it to happen after you saw a heartbeat.

I had two miscarriages within two cycles last summer. (I also had one before having ds). My doctor too said it was almost certainly very bad luck rather than there being an underlying cause. 'Recurrent' mc is counted as 3 or more consecutive mcs. I think up to 2-3% (or was it slightly more?) of women will have 2 consecutive mcs; many more will have more than one mc interspersed with successful pgs.

There are discoverable reasons for some miscarriages, but in the majority of cases the reason remains unexplained. It is often presumed to be a chromosomal problem with the baby, for example, that would have been incompatible with life had the pg progressed. Sadly, the doc is not far off the truth with her answer that sometimes it 'just happens'.

If you want to know more, I can recommend the very detailed, but still sensitively written book 'Miscarriage' by Lesley Regan. I have a copy I would lend you, but we've just moved house and I've no idea which of the vast numbers of boxes it is in.

Mc is awful, horrid and sh1te. Don't be afraid to grieve. Take good care of yourself in the days and weeks to come, and I shall be thinking of you on Friday.

hana · 11/04/2007 22:59

oh yes, I had that book too, was v v well thumbed through. Have passed it on, but if you could get a copy I'd also recommend. There are reasons for multiple miscarriages...you can have tests done if you have a sympathetic gp, otherwise it's a referral after you've had 3, as berolina has said, such a lot of women will have 2 m/c

Original poster

missnatalie · 11/04/2007 23:01

Hi hana so sorry to here of your losses. Its such a terrible time isnt it. I just dont know what to say or do. Im finding it really hard to talk to my DP and family. Ijust dont know what to say. Im also finding that posting on here is helping me. Its comforting to know that the people on here know what im going through. Have you got any children now?

princesscc - this was my second pregnancy and still no children. Everyone keeps telling me that im still young (24) and got loads of time but that doesnt help me one bit. It just makes me want to punch them in the face

OP posts:

Original poster

missnatalie · 11/04/2007 23:06

Berolina - thanks for the book recommendation. My mums going to have a look for it in the shops tomorrow.

In my head i know that there must of been an abnormality with the baby and its easier that the miscarrige has happend now rather than later but i cant help wondering if something i did caused it. I probably didnt do anything but i just cant help wondering.

OP posts:

hana · 11/04/2007 23:07

missnatalie, yes I have 3 gorgeous girls! 5, 2 and 7 months
post away here, that's what mn is for, dh didn't really understand, friends were sympathetic to a point but they weren't going through it. I had various tests done ( I wass OBSESSIVE looking back now....) but nothing conclusive was found. It was just terribly terribly bad luck. People just don't talk about miscarriages, like it's a dirty thing or a private thing -do trawl through the old threads in miscarriage /bereavement, I used to spend hours theret o find out that I wasn't the only one

hana · 11/04/2007 23:08

no no no
nothign you did would have caused these m/c, you have to believe that

princesscc · 11/04/2007 23:11

No, thats not very helpful is it. Keep talking, its the only way through. You're still going though it at the moment, so your rl friends are there for a hug, but inevitably they will move on in a couple of weeks and carry on with their lives, but we won't. That's what mn is all about. We'll talk to you til the cows come home! Take care on Friday - keep posting {{{hugs}}}

SparklyGothKat · 11/04/2007 23:16

Oh Nat! I'm so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage in 99 and its hurts.
Hope you are ok.

Original poster

missnatalie · 11/04/2007 23:29

Hi SGK its just awful. I honestly thought that everything was fine with this pregnancy. I really did. Ive had that positive feeling throughout. When the sonographer said "sorry its not good news" i was absolutly gob smacked. I cant and wont let whats happened in the last 5 months put me off ttc again. I am determined to have a baby. I may have to go through hell to get one, but one day i will.

OP posts:

SparklyGothKat · 12/04/2007 00:07

Oh Nat! I know how you feel. You know you can get pregnant but unfortunely this baby wasn't meant to be. You will have a baby I am sure of it.
Take care sweetie
xxxx

lfm · 12/04/2007 10:52

I recently had a missed miscarriage and like you, had seen the heartbeat at 7 weeks and everything looked fine. I was so sure going for the scan and when the sonographer said its not good news I couldnt believe it. I think missed miscarriages are such a terrible thing since you dont realise that anythings wrong and I think you just cant help looking for an explanation. Since the hospital cant give you one you end up thinking of what you might have done even though you know that really it must just not have been meant to be. On a positive note after 2 miscarriages (one missed as well) I had 3 healthy pregnancies so it can all work out well. I really hope that you will end up with the family you want soon.

skidaddle · 12/04/2007 10:57

Missnatalie, I'm so so sorry to hear your horrendous news. It's what we all dread but i can't even imagine how awful it must be when it happens. Hope you find a lot of support on mn and from family and friends, you sound very brave xx

MerlinsBeard · 12/04/2007 11:00

i had a missed m/c. started bleeding at 10w but the baby had died at 6 and i had no idea. No one had any answers for me either. Am so sorry missnatalie , please let yourself grieve - i didn't and am still struggling nearly a year on.

KezzaG · 12/04/2007 11:09

Nat I can only echo what others have said, these things happen and often there is no explanation. I had 2 mc and was lucky enough to be covered privately to have some investigation. there was absolutely nothing wrong and no reasn why it should have happened. I think it is somtimes easier when there is a reason because then you can actually do something or try to fix it, but I think you just have to accept they werent meant to be.

I found mc to be a very isolating experience and my dh seemed to be able to move on much quicker than me. Just make sure you grieve, it is a real loss, it was your baby that you loved for these last 11 weeks and you need to have that loss ackmowledged.

good luck when you feel ready to ttc again. And try to ignore people who say the wrong thing. Take care.

BandofMothers · 12/04/2007 11:17

Missnat,
I had a friend that had the exact thing you did and she went on to have a healthy little girl.
Her doc said that often there is something wrong with the foetus and this is nature's way of dealing with it. Or that sometimes when you haven't had children it's sort of a test run for your reproductive system and it didn't doit right the first time. I know that sounds strange but, who knows why these things happen.

My doc also told me that a m/c is usually because something is wrong with foetus. And so is therefore a good thing really, although of course it is hard to see it that way at the time

Nanoon · 12/04/2007 13:25

I am so sorry, it is totally devestating when they tell you its not good news. I had a missed MC in January and like everyone else has sais, there are no explanations really. My GP gave me some good advice when i spoke to her about ttc again and she said to make sure that i had grieved properly for my lost baby as a new pregnancy will protect me from what has happened (your distress will ease it as natures way of protecting your unborn child) but once that baby has been born the sence of loss may well come back and bite you on the bum. iyswim

Time is a great healer, but don't push yourself.

mumto3girls · 12/04/2007 13:29

I'm sorry for what you are going through...I have had a missed mc picked up at the 12 wk scan..I can't beleive that I was joking as I laid down and said 'this is where you tell me I'm not pg just fat' and then the sonographer told me the worst...

Almsot one year to the day that baby was due I gave birth to my beautiful dd3...Good Luck and don't ever give up.

Original poster

missnatalie · 12/04/2007 14:59

Thank you for all the replies. It really help having all you guys for support. Didnt get a single minutes sleep lastnight. I tried to get to sleep but everything was going through my mind. Everytime i shut my eyes all i could see was the scan pic of teh baby. My eyes are swollen from all the crying. Today is a new day though and things do feel slightly easier. I just want to get tomorrow over and done with. Ive text my boss to tell him whats happend and that ill be off next week. He's an absolute angel. His DP has been through the same thing so many times. He understands and told me to take the full week off.

DP and i had a long chat this morning about ttc again. Were going to take things slowly this time. If it happens it happens. If it doesnt then it doesnt. Were not gong to rush into anything.

Were looking for a late deal holiday so that we can get away and have time to ourselves.

OP posts:

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