So... just got told you SHOULDN'T push by midwife

[overmybreadbody]

Long story short...
Attended a hypnobirthing class on the weekend, and got taught the up/down breathing method.

Essentially - you "breathe" the baby out using downward breaths and let your body do the work, only pushing if YOU need to and not on the basis that midwives shout "pusssshhhh!!!" as per all TV, film footage of birth.

I'm confused, please can someone (who has had a baby fairly recently advise) is this new methodology?

Avoid any advice that contains the word ‘shouldn’t’. Go into it with an attitude that you will do whatever you need to do on the day. That might be breathing the baby out or it might be a spinal block, or any of the possibilities in between.

I didn't actively push with either DC, my body just sort of took over and out they came. I can't quite explain it. However I definitely remember the old hag midwife shouting at me to push between contractions. That was this year.

No one spoke to me through out my whole labour, my body just took over and knew what to do. I would say that I did push, but only because my body just couldn't not push.

Babies head popped out and it took me by surprise as I was so zoned out.

I was told to push with my first and couldn't have not (see being sick above). However, towards the end before DS was crowning, I didn't want to and was told to and I think that was when I had some tearing. (The worst tearing came later and was a result of DS coming out hand first and they way the midwife pulled him out )

Next time I read all the NCT info on the 'perineum in childbirth' (pre-internet it was quite good) which gave a lot of info on when not to push - all evidence based.

However, with DTD1 I had no urge to push whatsoever. She more or less came out by herself whilst the midwife fucked off to get her rubber gloves (total chaotic delivery - I was so glad I knew what I was doing and DH knew what he was doing too this time )
By the time DTD2 came along (appx 10 minutes later but 5 minutes according to birth certificate - midwife did not record time of birth of DTD1 so it was a guess) I was in a different delivery room with my legs up and the Registrar arranging her instruments. I was given an injection, the contractions started and I was told to push (no urge). I did and the urge came. I stopped when DH noticed her head appearing (no one else was looking ) she did the rest herself - she had also turned so was no longer breech - extremely clever baby. No stitches.

If you get the chance, then 'listen to your body' is good. You are the expert in what you are feeling - and don't be afraid of asking for pain relief and help when you feel you need it.

Yes!! To "shouldn't".

the urge to push is overwhelming.

I didn't feel this at all, either time I gave birth. It must be different for different people. My waters didn't break naturally either time, I don't know if that is related.

Anyway, I was told to push, I pushed strenuously, and ended up with second degree tears and piles, both times. And babies, so not all bad.

I think there must be some way of pushing that makes you less likely to end up with tears, I was told to push like I was doing a poo but I'm sure there's a way of pushing that is more vaginally focused if you see what I mean. Its just harder to describe.

Forth child in - I could feel my body doing the work, maybe if I hadn't of pushed my body would of adjusted and not torn? I felt the need to push, however, that's because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. That along with breathing which tbf I never really mastered...

Interesting point about being on all fours - each one of my four births were on my back. One labour was just an active period - no build up - just one continuous contraction that lasted an hour! It felt like I was being torn in two. I screamed throughout and was told to shut up by some random woman (another midwife I think).

My waters didn’t break until the very last push and the baby came out, but I did have a very strong urge to push for about half an hour beforehand.
With DD1 the pushing stage was really really hard work. I was on my back due to sheer exhaustion (48 hours in labour with only gas and air).
With DD2 I was upright all the way through and the pushing part was much, much easier. Not much actual ‘effort’ required at all.

I didn't push. My body just kind of ejected the baby

That was my experience too.

I would urge you to really research this and best positions for giving birth. I had seemingly normal, non traumatic births and am a fit and healthy person but sustained damage which will affect me physically and mentally for the rest of my life. I am in no way trying to scare you OP but I really wish someone ( and I spoke to my midwife about pushing and positions) had warned me.
I did lots of 'purple pushing' on my back and a sustained a second degree tear with my first, I did permanent damage to muscle and the walls of my vagina (8lb baby so not large). Three and a half years later I pushed hard when giving birth to my second (MIL' s advice) and tore again.
I now have prolapse of the bladder, bowel and uterus. Please, please any mums-to-be reading this educate yourselves about prolapse, it is a hidden risk, affects one in three new mums and although it can be improved with physio, major surgery (mesh anyone?) is the only fix.

I didn't consciously make a decision to push with DS (now 14 months); my body seemed to know what to do instinctively.

I had a very slow labour (40 hours of pre-labour and 8 hours active). After about 4 hours of active labour the midwife manually broke my waters and my contractions soon changed from just a general tightening feeling to an expulsive, downward pressure.
I had gone through most of the labour in an upright/squatting position and about 45 mins before delivery the midwife had suggested I try kneeling and holding the raised head of the bed. She also wanted to examine me to see if I was fully dilated and I had got into this position as I was refusing to lie on my back as I found it excruciatingly painful. Just before she actually did the examination I felt DS begin to descend the birth canal, but I didn't really feel any distinct urge to push. My body was just doing it all. I don't recall anyone telling me to push.

I did tear a bit when he was crowning and the pain of that did seem to put the brakes on delivery for a while (I found myself quite naturally doing the 'panting' that they teach in antenatal classes), but as soon as that subsided I got a big contradiction and he was out.

I didn't feel the need for any pain relief and managed the pain of the contractions through breathing by taking big breaths in whilst visualising my uterus filling like a balloon with a golden light, then breathing out slowly until I had expelled every bit of air whilst picturing that balloon deflating and shrinking down towards my vagina.

It may sound a bit nonsense but it worked for me and I genuinely didn't feel the need for any pain relief, and actually found the birth a positive experience.

I think what she was saying was, as PPs have said, old school TV-style "purple pushing" where you deliberately and consciously push is not needed unless you have had an epidural and can't feel the contractions. Like PP I never had to consciously "push", in fact my midwives told me not to push until I absolutely couldn't stop myself. And that's what happened, at a certain point your body simply convulsively starts pushing all by itself, and it's as unstoppable as gravity. Baby came out smoothly with no tears. The idea that women have to be hectored and told when to "PUSH!" would probably be considered to be part of the bad old paternalistic days in most cases now.

Midwives will also often tell you to avoid actively pushing as baby crowns, as taking a moment there to breathe and let it happen slowly helps to avoid tearing.

I never went to any birthing classes. I'm glad I didn't because with my first, my body just took over.

I arrived at the hospital, they set me up in my room, I went for a wee. And my plug came out properly in the toilet. By the time I was back in the room - I was pushing!

I literally couldn't stop myself. He wanted out, and he wanted out fast! We were in the hospital all of 20-25 minutes before he was born!

I was like bored and also had no urge to push yet the midwife was telling me to. I did for several hours and kept telling her it was doing nothing. My contractions then pretty much stopped so got put in the drip and then that's when I started to feel my body actually working to get baby out. By this point I was exhausted and ended up in theatre with forceps delivery. Next time I will listen to my body rather than the midwife.

I have had two natural births with just G&A (didn't do hypnobirthing) but maintain that I never pushed. My body pushed, but I had no say in it. I don't even know how you'd make yourself do it- it just happened!

I went to hypnobirthing classes, I gave birth three weeks ago.

The idea of breathing my baby out was lovely, but I look back and laugh at my naivety. I was induced and had a hormone drip, I managed on gas and air but fuck me there were no romantic controlled breathing sessions in the last few hours of my Labour. I didn't have a choice in pushing - like someone else said, it's involuntary like when you are sick.

Nice idea, but the midwives who do this daily are the experts. They may not even tell you to push. for DS1, my Midwife didn't tell me to do anything except to trust her , my body etc. when I panicked in transition. I didn't realise in the birthing unit they didn't guide you unless asked.

I can only explain that in my experience, and that is all i have, the urge to push is like having loose bowels.. you cant help but push, anymore than stop going to the loo midway! in fact,... there may well have been some crossover with this as I was in a pool and ahem. pooped as well as shot out a newborn.

With dc2 I didn't push, my body pushed without me having any say over it. With dc1 I was v tired, baby's heart rate was dipping so the midwives did tell me to push. Entirely depends how your labour goes but dc2 was fantastic, a magic experience and very 'hypnobirthing' style.

Nice idea, but the midwives who do this daily are the experts By all means be guided by your midwife when you need it, but you are the expert in what you are experiencing. Be aware that midwives may have other priorities.

Mine (with the twins) did not tell me until the next day that their 'policy' when you came in at 5am was to keep you comfortable until the day staff arrive. I ignored her 'advice' to come in at 9am and gave birth to them at 7.30am. She also seemed very keen not to wake the registrar who was in bed.

Hmmm I can see how the info seems contradictory. I think it means don't push for the sake of it as it wastes energy...maybe some women get the idea from films/tv.
But when you're actually in active labour, there are no two ways about it, if you listen to your body and it is pushing, there is no way to stop it, it is primal. Your body takes over- by pushing.
The only time I didn't actively 'push' was at the crowning stage. I breathed instead, and avoided stitches with 3 very large babies.
However if it wasn't for the midwives guiding me through the 'pushing', particularly for my last baby, who was stuck and back to back, god knows what would've happened. I NEEDED them to encourage me, tell me to put my chin down and push for as long as they told me and with everything I had.

old school TV-style "purple pushing" where you deliberately and consciously push is not needed unless you have had an epidural and can't feel the contractions

But this isn't everyone's experience. I had no pain relief other than gas and air. Once fully dilated, I tried for 90 minutes on hands and knees and other positions to let my body work naturally and there was zero progress. The only way I could get her out was with very strenuous, conscious pushing on my back with a lot of guidance. I felt no urge to push with either that birth, or the previous one that ended in EMCS after she got stuck. Maybe it is because I had large babies and a very retroverted uterus, but the point is the baby wasn't coming out without a lot of concerted pushing.

I think the idea that everyone can just let their body take over is as unhelpful as telling everyone they have to lie on their back with their chin to chest. I don't much like the sense I am getting from some posts that if you have to push hard you are somehow doing it "wrong". Everybody's baby and body are different and the experience will be different for us all.

I pushed with my first - actually I resisted pushing for a while as it hurt so much, until I realised the only way to stop the pain was to get the baby out, so I pushed with each contraction and it was pretty quick after that. The midwives guided me through the actual birth bit - I think I panted her head out and body wasn't far behind (obviously)!
My second I did NOT push - very very fast labour and I could feel him coming straight down really quickly. I knew if I actually pushed he'd fly out and I'd tear from arse to tit, so I literally just relaxed and breathed and my body expelled him all on its own, like someone else said. First degree tear, no stitches, both times.

I agree that the 'don't push' advice probably relates to the 'hold your breath and push to a count of ten' that you STILL see on bloody OBEM, etc. Really bad idea - if mum is holding her breath, guess who ALSO isn't getting any oxygen?! Can lead to foetal heart rate dropping, interventions, assisted births. Not to mention the increased risks to the mother - tearing, birth damage, etc. Sometimes you have to push (I'd probably still be waiting for my first to arrive if I hadn't!) but you need to try and work WITH your body if at all possible, rather than against it.

I'm uncomfortable with a discussion that appears to make women responsible for their birth injuries. Birth is risky and dangerous and unfortunately injuries are not uncommon. I don't like the idea that "if only I was in X position" or "if only I had ignored the midwife", etc, injuries would be avoided. Healthcare staff should of corse be doing all they can to minimise injury. The risks should be much better explained to women so they can be fully informed and not just have it assumed that VB is better and the preferred option for everybody. There is no right way for everyone; I wish there was. Sometimes I fear the language of empowerment and trust your body and so on, can lead to a conclusion that if something went wrong, it must be your fault for having done something wrong.

I'm another who had no urge to push. Maybe I just wasn't quite ready? But they wanted her out so I pushed anyway, probably completely ineffectually, and they pulled her out ventouse. Hoping things are more straightforward this time.

Sorry I've not read all the replies but everyone's labour is totally different even from one child to a next and if you go into it wanting to do this way you've learnt make sure to inform the midwifes and also be open to things not going to plan and maybe needing to switch it up a bit.

Also just to add I needed to be reminded to push last time with the threaten of taking away the gass and air as I was so busy sucking on that and a bit loopy I did miss a push and it was important to get the baby out promptly at that point in labour.

Also with mum's that have had epidurals or whatever else that numbs them I think they may need to be told when to push by the midwife as they don't feel the contractions as hard? I've not had one just what I've heard.