DH doesn't want any more babies once he's over 30

[BlueButTrue]

DH is 25 now, I myself 19.

I certainly don't want to pop out any more for a good 6/7 years.

I know I sound ridiculous, how could I possibly know for sure before even having DS? but I've suffered terribly with HG sickness throughout and my autoimmunity disease hasn't taken kindly to me being pregnant.

What's more, I'm being monitored every 48 for reduced/no movement and DS is being delivered at 37 weeks because of this.

I just can't bloody go through the hassle anymore.

Would it be better to have another DC in say 3 years instead of my planned 6/7?

DH doesn't want to have another one once he reaches 30. 30 still sounds so young to me but apparently it isn't to him.

In all honesty, I'm very comfortable sticking to one DC but he'd like one more and I'm comfortable to compromise.

I'm still so young, I don't want two children before I'm even 25 I want a healthy mixture of my career and family.

Children are bloody hard work. But is it really fair to leave DS as an only child?

I have PCOS and Endometriosis too, which may make TTC again quite a struggle. Maybe I won't even be able to once I hit 24+.

Sorry, this thread is probably deemed quite ridiculous since DS isn't here yet. I just wanted to get what I have to say out in the open, to someone I don't know personally.

My specialist obstetrician says she doesn't recommend 'just the one' and only children are lonely, apparently.

Perhaps DH will run to get the snip once he realises how dreadfully tired DS makes him?

[KungFuEric]

The man can't cook or drive, maybe he should step up and start acting the grown up.

[PandaCat]

I've always said I don't want anymore after 30. I had my first a few days after I hit 19, and I will have this one a month before I hit 25, an age gap of almost 6 years, I actually would have preferred a smaller age gap.

To be honest though, I wouldn't worry about it. If he gets to 30 and you've not had another just yet, he may change his mind and be willing to TTC if he truly wants more than one. Just see how things go

[BlueButTrue]

Moosic Sorry to hear that you're still trying

[cherryontopp]

You both need to relax. Neither of you will know how you feel about more children until your Ds is here.

My dp said having one child is 'cruel' after I said id be happy with the one I'm pregnant with though im open minded.
We'll see how cruel it is when we have sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, getting them babysat and the cost of a child.
Your obstetrician should not be giving you her opinion especially since you may not be able to naturally conceive again. Unprofessional to say the least.

[Kokeshi123]

Your DH is nuts. Most first-time dads I know are over 30.

It is fine to wait and it is also fine to stick to one child only if that is what you choose. It's your body and you get the final say. Only children do absolutely fine and there is no evidence that they turn out worse than kids with siblings.

Give it a few years and see how you feel.

[Kokeshi123]

My own general experience is that life is peaceful-er and siblings get on better with bigger age gaps; the older sib takes on a semi-parental role and enjoys teaching and supervising the little one. With close spacing, you get more jealousy as they compete with each other. Also more time and energy to devote to each one when they are little.

(on the other hand, bigger gaps mean putting your career on the back burner for a greater number of years, and it can be harder to find family days out that are good for both. Swings and roundabouts)

In the long run, the relationship between siblings usually ends up being more about personality. When I was a kid, I was closest to my cousins who were closest to me in age. Now I'm closer to the ones that have turned out to be more similar to me in terms of interests, politics, life choices and so on--these things become salient as the age gap diminishes in importance.

[Viserion]

I would say that if you are likely to struggle to conceive, then don't delay trying. You are young enough that if you get your family complete, you can build your career later.

I didn't even meet my DH until we were both 30 so I had my second at 37. When you are 37, your DS will have left school, and you will still have 30 years of working life ahead of you (that maybe doesn't sound like a good thing right now!)

[mindutopia]

I think give it 3 years and make a decision then. There's absolutely no reason to worry about it all now. To be honest, I couldn't have imagined having any children before 30. I was so busy with everything else and focusing on other things. It's impossible to predict what the future will hold. Even when I met my husband (at 28) and we started to plan a future together, I thought I absolutely didn't want anymore children after 35. We had our first at 32. I'm pregnant with my 2nd now and I'm 37. For us, 5 years was a perfect age gap (no way I would have been ready before that) and definitely now at 37 is a great time to be having another. We're settled in a way we wouldn't have been a couple years ago. So the reality is that you never know how you'll feel about things once you're living in them. There isn't a whole lot of difference between 29 and 32 (and actually I think for me, it was probably easier at 32). At the same time, my 2nd pregnancy, even at 37, has been easier than the first, so there's no saying how either of you will feel in a year or two or three.

[LoverOfCake]

You can't possibly know how you'll feel about another until you've actually had this one and know what it's like to be a parent. This is why conversations about wanting two/three/four children are so pointless before the first baby because the reality is so different to the perception.

That being said, comments about how many children someone should have are not anyone else's to make regardless of who they are. People have the number of children they do for any number of reasons and it's nobody else's business but theirs.

30 is a lot closer to 25 than it is to nineteen which is why your h's thought process isn't necessarily unreasonable. And reality is that if you wait more than a couple of years they won't have a close sibling relationship you'll have two at two very different stages and that presents its own issues.

My parents had us at nineteen and 22 FWIW and although now that seems so incredibly young I am also very glad that my parents have been able to live so much of their lives prior to us having grown up and are still young enough to play an active part in their grandchildren's lives. My eXH's children are thirteen years apart and the reality is that his parents who were young when his eldest were born are no longer in the same kind of health now that the little one is starting to grow up and will be well into their 70's by the time he is of an age where he would e.g. Go and stay there. The relationships will be vastly different.

But you have to do what is right for you.

I wouldn't have wanted one after 35 but equally I wouldn't have wanted one at nineteen but if I'd fallen pregnant at nineteen I would have wanted them closer together. Iyswim.