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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out the sex of the baby or not?

68 replies

marieg76 · 10/04/2007 12:22

We have our 20 week scan on the 1st of June and are wondering whether to find out the sex of the baby or not. I can see advantages to both knowing and not knowing but would be really interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences in this regard. Thanks in advance - we really don't know what to do!

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SingingBear · 11/04/2007 16:56

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mears · 11/04/2007 16:56

As a midwife I can tell you that the birth is more exciting when you don't know the sex in advance. Is is lovely to let the parents see what sex they have. As a mother I always liked to have the surprise. I caught a glimpse of DS3's bits during a later scan but didn't ask for the sex to be confirmed. I had 3 boys then a girl and it was really nice to see her sex myself at delivery - couldn't believe I had produced a girl but I would have been equally happy with another boy.

If it is a huge deal to the parents for them to know then fair enough. But remember the scan can be wrong. We have had 2 wrong sexes recently and that can be upsetting.

Katy44 · 11/04/2007 17:04

Pheebe - I agree with your post.
I'm about to have my DS, we couldn't find out the sex at 20 weeks as he had his legs crossed. We had another scan at 34 weeks which was amazing - I could make out all his different body parts which I had found difficult at the last scan - his little hands and arms, his spine...
Anyway, she took the wand thing all the way round until it must have been between his legs, which he had drawn up. His 'doo-dahs' as she called them pretty much filled the screen! At that point she said "did you say you wanted to know the sex?". I could help but LOL. Anyway, that scan was amazing, partly because we found out the sex, and I still look back on it as a fantastic day. I'm sure I will with the birth too, there'll be plenty that's new then to keep me interested without needing to find out the sex then too.

Katy44 · 11/04/2007 17:04

"couldn't help"
fingers fater than brain today

newby29 · 11/04/2007 17:07

I am 26 weeks and have found out I am having a girl, and I am so pleased I found out. The moment when the sonogrpaher turned to me and DH and said "I can tell you you are having a little baby girl" was probably one of the best moment sof my life (and I think I would have felt the same with a boy, more just the finding out). I felt like fireworks had gone off as this little thing inside of me suddenyl became a real person. It was just amazing and I thought no moment would beat when my DH proposed, until I got there (have had mc, so positive pg test stressed me out as well as excited me!!!). I absolutely LOVE that I have had this time to absorb the fact I will be having a daughter, with nothing else to be thinking of and not having her to take care of. I just like thinking about it and her all the time! And I also loved that I got to be the one to tell people, rather than DH just post birth. Of course I could do, but I came back from the hospital and loved phoning friends and close family saying "its a girl". The best thing I ever did!
(and of course, leaving out the risk of the sex being wrong, though I did ask sonographer to show us and check several times, but I am aware it could be wrong, but prepared to take that risk).
Aboslutely agree different strokes and all that - if we cant understand that, where would we be! And perhaps I wont find out with my next (fingers corssed there will be a next) but for me, this is what I have epxerienced and felt in finding out the sex this time round....and I love it!

FioFio · 11/04/2007 17:14

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mad4girls · 11/04/2007 19:24

me and dp have also been giving this alot of thought, he has 2ds and me 2dds this is our 1st dc together.

we were both v keen to find out as he would like a girl due to the fact there has been no girls for 55 yrs in dp family so theres rather alot of pressure as he already has 2 ds's i dont think he will be upset or anything just would like time to prepare

but after reading this keep thinking it would be spoiling the surprise and theres also the fact that they could get it wrong which is much more upsetting IMO

2gorgeousboys · 11/04/2007 19:32

With DS1 we did not want to know but with DS2 I wanted to find out for 2 reasons

because DS1 was convinced he was getting a baby sister and I wanted to have time to prepare him for the fact that it might be a brother and
I was really desperate for a girl and felt that I could get my disappointment out of the way before the birth and shed my tears rather than spoil the moment of meeting my little boy.

For us it was the right thing to do but then again I still open any presents for me under the tree before christmas

abgirl · 11/04/2007 19:35

With my DS we didn't find out in advance. This time I wanted to know but DH didn't, so the sonographer told me after DH had left the room and I am keeping the secret until DH can find out for himself at the birth of our new baby.

I really wanted to know as DS was 11 weeks early and I felt that everything about his birth experience was out of my control. It would have been nice to have had one fact that I knew in advance, and could cling on to while the world seemed to be going mad. DH says I am a control freak but that's why I wanted to know this time. It's been fun keeping the secret, although we haven't told most family that I know already!

stripeybumpsmum · 11/04/2007 19:50

This is an entirely personal thing, but whilst I am fine with people finding out the sex, I can't quite get my head around naming the baby before birth. We didn't find sex out with DS1 and won't with this pg. But even if we did, purposely or accidentally, I think I would have to see the little one in person before seeing if the planned name fitted. With both DS and this pg, we had/have bump names so I kinda feel we did our bonding then. Plus we needed (and will need) the full term plus 10 to agree on even the shortlist!

macneil · 11/04/2007 19:54

I like the idea of seeing them in person and fitting a name to a face, but I don't know that what suits babies suits adults - which is why I never call her by her real name, just hundreds of stupid names. I'd decided on names for both sexes by the time she was born.

skidaddle · 12/04/2007 08:41

marieg76, I too had the same aversion to girls in pink until I had dd and after the threemillionth 'he's gorgeous, how old is he?' I gave in and bought a load of pink clothes.

Loopymumsy · 12/04/2007 13:53

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PurpleLostPrincess · 12/04/2007 14:03

(I thought I had posted on here but can't find it lol!)

I personally prefer to wait for the surprise but I've got one of each already and this is DH's first baby. He really wants to know what it is so, provided they can tell, we're going to hopefully find out at the 20 week scan on 4th May. Having done it the 'natural' way with both of mine, I'm kind of excited to know with this one. Also, we're really skint so it'll be more practical for us to know beforehand for buying stuff etc.

We were considering keeping it from everybody else but I'm a nightmare with keeping that sort of secret!

As people have said, its really up to you and what you feel...

rhubarb90 · 12/04/2007 14:18

My 20 week scan is in May and we would love to find out the sex of the baby. Unfortunately our hospital does not look at the sex at the scan, you have to book a further scan at 23+ weeks and pay £50 if you want to know the sex. It seems very unfair that if I lived in another part of the country it would not be a problem to find out. I really want to know for the same reason one of the other respondents gave, I really want a girl this time and I think it would be better to find out early so I can get used to the idea if it's another boy.

Original poster

marieg76 · 13/04/2007 09:44

So we decided what to do last night. We are going to tell the sonographer that we don't want to be told the sex of the baby however, should Bump be in the right position for us to see the sex on the screen, then fine. We're going to leave it to fate we think.

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CorrieDale · 13/04/2007 18:22

I'm planning on doing something similar to DS's old clothes if the bump is a girl, Loopymumsy. Navy cords with pink appliqued flowers anyone?????

Loopymumsy · 13/04/2007 20:48

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