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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out the sex of the baby or not?

68 replies

marieg76 · 10/04/2007 12:22

We have our 20 week scan on the 1st of June and are wondering whether to find out the sex of the baby or not. I can see advantages to both knowing and not knowing but would be really interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences in this regard. Thanks in advance - we really don't know what to do!

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Amester · 10/04/2007 15:52

I had my 20 week scan last week and found out we are expecting a girl but even if the sonographer hadn't said it was so obvious by looking on the screen as there was a definate absence of boy bits! So if you do decide not to find out dont look to closely at the screen as you may see anyway.

I am really glad we found out - it makes it even more exciting.

Sumsey · 10/04/2007 15:57

hello all
me and DH wanted a surprise for our first...but with second (due in 5 weeks) we wanted to know..but have not told anyone else.

Hopeitwontbebig · 10/04/2007 16:53

I didn't find out with DS1, but I was convinced it'd be a boy, everyone was sure it'd be a girl, so I wasn't too surprised. With DS2, I reeally wanted a girl (caused by a bereavement - long story) and wanted to find out, I'm glad I did, because it took me just 5 minutes to get used to the idea, then I was happy for the rest of my pregnancy, looking forward to meeting my 2nd boy. I'm pregnant with DC3 now, I've got my 20 week scan in 4 weeks, I don't think we'll find out this time, I don't mind what it is, and I have absolutely no idea what it is, no clue at all!! Will see if I can resist asking during scan.... think I'll be able to.

Original poster

marieg76 · 10/04/2007 17:02

Hmm - thanks so much for your perspectives. I'm kind of taken with the idea of it being like "peeking under the Christmas tree" but then the practicality of knowing is a factor too. More thought needed - thanks again.

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cinnamongreyhound · 10/04/2007 17:05

I didn't want to know but it was really important to dh for him to know so we found out (couldn't let him know and not me!). I'm glad I did as I think it's nicer to be able to say he/she rather than it and I think that it's allowed me to bond with the baby better than I would have done if we hadn't.

Everything we have is neutral just in case, but we have bought a couple of boy outfits.

As it happens boy's names we've found hardest (already had 3 girls names before we found out sex) and still don't have a name for him, and he's due friday!

tasja · 10/04/2007 17:06

We asked to know the sex of our baby. Just makes sense. You can shop for your baby then. Since this country doesn't have much clothes to choose from if you don't know the sex. Everything is pink or blue! Otherwise you have to go white - how boring.

skidaddle · 10/04/2007 17:09

I think it's sort of nice to find out if it's not your first baby because then you can tell your dc or dcs that they are going to have a baby brother or sister and they can even help suggesting names. I think we'll find out this time so that we can tell dd - although she probably won't have a clue what we're on about at 18months...

TeeCee · 10/04/2007 18:15

I love babies in white sleepsuits, all new and in white cotton - yum, not boring at all imo.

hana · 10/04/2007 18:18

didn't find out with dd1 or dd2 but did with dd3
wasn't a complete surprise however! wasn't disappointed that I found out, we did keep it to ourselves though, so no one actually knew

Loopymumsy · 10/04/2007 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CorrieDale · 10/04/2007 18:26

I didn't find out for either DS or this bump. I wanted a girl last time and was anxious that if I found out it was a boy beforehand (as I suspected it was) then it might interfere with the way I felt about it - hormones, etc. As it was, when he was born I was completely thrilled.

This time I was more tempted to find out so I could tell DS if he was having a brother or sister. But the fear of a sonographer's mistake made me decide not to bother. Anyway, it's so nice finding out on the actual day - especially if you don't get the birth you want. DS was ELCS because he was breech, which I wasn't happy about, so finding out I had a beautiful healthy son was a really great end to a very clinical birth.

PinkTulips · 10/04/2007 18:35

no!

that moment in the delivery room when they say 'it's a boy/girl' is the most magical moment you can imagine

people will buy you loads of gender specific stuff when they find out and shopping with a nice sleepy newborn is probably the last enjoyable shopping you'll have in years so you might as well have a good reason to go do it!

KerryMum · 10/04/2007 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

murcimari · 10/04/2007 20:03

We chose not to find out the sex. It´s one of the last true surprises in life! Not to mention that it´s so much more romantic (even after a long and painful labour) when your partner tells you that "we have a little boy/girl" than laying in a semi-dark hospital room halfway through your pregnancy and the sonographer tells you "well it´s probably a boy/girl".
We specifically asked the midwife at birth that we wanted my husband to announce the sex of the baby, which was a trully unforgattable moment for him.
With regard to the practicality factor, unless you want to decorate the nursery in a gender specific way, it really doesn´t matter as babies don´t need a lot of clothes at the beginning. For us the issue of practicality would never outweight the element of surprise.

bumperlicious · 10/04/2007 20:20

We haven't with this one and glad we didn't. Plus it's always good to find another way to annoy my mum who is desperate to know

The only thing is can you put up with the next 5 months of people telling you its a boy/girl because you are carrying high/low craving such and such etc etc.?!

Pebblemum · 10/04/2007 23:35

With my two ds's i didnt want to know but with this one i felt i had to know. Ive always wanted a little girl and although i knew i would love the baby no matter what the sex was I felt it was important for me to know one way or another. This is going to be my last baby and i didnt want to pin my hopes on having a girl if this was to be another boy. I thought that having 20wks to get used to the idea of having another son was a better option.

As it turned out i should have waited. At my 20wk scan the baby would not flash its bits and so i came away not knowing. I went out and bought all neutral clothes which isnt too hard as its mainly sleepsuits/vests anyway. Then i had a 32wk scan to check the position of my placenta and decided to ask once again. This time they said it looked like i could be having a girl but the tone with which it was said didnt sound very convincing IYKWIM. Part of me wants to believe it, now and again i catch myself grinning at the thought and i keep looking at all the girly things but im wary of buying too much in case they have got it wrong. I feel as though im in limbo. This feels worse than when i didnt have any idea whatsoever of the sex. I will only allow myself to get excited when im holding the baby in my arms and can see for myself what the sex is (hopefully within the next 42 days!!!)

I know that for most people who want to find out the sex the 20wk scan provides them with all the answers but i would say that unless you are willing to accept that it may leave you with more questions than answers then i would keep it a suprise.

macneil · 11/04/2007 00:37

I also love babies in very plain white sleepsuits, they're just so beautiful that it seems wrong to mess about with little chickens and bears and things all over them. But I really wanted to find out because I had a preference - girl - and I wanted to prepare myself for 'disappointment'. Of course no one told me. They just kept saying it was impossible to tell, and baby was keeping its legs close together. Some scans said it looked like it was a girl, but I really couldn't be sure until she was born, even though I had a lot of scans. I was pretty sure she'd be a girl, and I liked talking to her as my girl in the late months of pregnancy. I don't suppose there's a good reason to know
i or
not to, you're either the sort of person who wants to know or you're not, but I certainly never regretted having the surprise spoiled. Although it barely was.

Hilllary · 11/04/2007 00:41

Oh I had to know, I still dressed both babies in white though but really had to know.

Are you having a 4d scan?? I had one and they are brilliant.

Original poster

marieg76 · 11/04/2007 09:41

Oh goodness, after reading through all of this, I'm leaning towards not finding out (complete 180 from where I was a few days ago!). I don't know what type of scan we are going to have. We're going to the Royal Surrey for the 20 week scan and I would assume that it would be just like the scan we had at 13 weeks - then again, what would I know!

Pinktulips, I really do love the idea of the magical moment you describe so I'll speak with DH tonight to see what he thinks.

OP posts:

treacletart · 11/04/2007 09:55

DS was a surprise and it was lovely having Dh tell me we had a boy when he was born.

This time I just felt I wanted to be a little more prepared with hand me downs and ebay bargains etc. I'm also having more problems with names and felt it might be a little easier for DS if he knew in advance although, like us, he seemed very unconcerned about whether he would get a brother or sister.

We asked them no to tell us at the hospital, but got them to write it down on a little folded card and then seal it in an envelope for us. We then took it with us to a posh restaurant for lunch and opened it with a glass of champagne. We both gasped when we read we're having a girl! (TBH I also have an unusual aversion to the pink/lilac/bunny stuff and I'm enjoying having a bit more time to collect nice baby girl clothes of the non-sickly kind. Harder than you might think!)

Jbck · 11/04/2007 13:50

I think if you have no strong preference or convictions either way then a surprise is nice. I was absolutely convinced DD was a boy but we decided to ask at a scan at 18 weeks, wee devil crossed her legs so they couldn't tell. We had to go back at 22 weeks & we asked again, the hospital don't guarantee it but the only thing that spoiled it was the sonographer said 'It's a girl, look there's the vulva'. She could have stopped at it's a girl. I was really pleased we'd found out as I had time to get used to the idea & I think it'd have been a big shock on the day & I felt slightly sad at the idea of this little boy I wasn't going to meet.
Love the idea of treacletart's way that's really special. As long as they didn't write vulva down! . This time I'm not sure but we'd both like another girl so we may ask to get time to prepare for names as DD was a day old before she had one but we've got a stonewall cert for a boy, so we'd need to get our thinking caps on this time & we used up the only one we agreed on last time.
And just to add we didn't let it slip once everyone else was completely surprised & that also made it special that we knew & no one else did.
Whatever you decide it's very personal & I'm sure you'll be delighted either way.

Original poster

marieg76 · 11/04/2007 15:36

Hi JBCK, we don't have any preference either way but like Treacletart, I have a real aversion to definining a baby's sex by the colour of clothes that they wear (if it's a girl, no pink in my household!). Thanks for your input - I really appreciate it. We're definitely leaning towards having a surprise rather than finding out this time.

OP posts:

macneil · 11/04/2007 16:27

"if it's a girl, no pink in my household!"

Alas, there is often no choice in the matter. My kid has been blasted with so many suits from in laws, parents, relatives, friends (received gratefully, of course) all in bunnylicious cutesie pink that I have only dressed her so far in two things I've bought myself, because she's always having to put on the things she's been given to be photographed/taken to see the giftgiver. I love all my folks, but I wish they'd give me a break for a moment to let my baby look like I want her to.

Original poster

marieg76 · 11/04/2007 16:51

Macneil I do sympathise! I guess the one advantage of not finding out the sex is that we won't be inundated with "define sex by colour" clothing yet. I imagine that there are lots of parents out there who dress their children in gift outfits purely for visits prior to those outfits finding themselves in the back of the drawer ASAP. It's the clothing equivalent of putting out that "lovely" ornament that Auntie Joan bought for when she visits isn't it!

We went shopping quite recently and found plenty of unisex clothes (mainly babygro's) that were really simple and cute.

OP posts:

Pheebe · 11/04/2007 16:55

I can't see what the issue is really. To me the biggest surprise was having a baby at all, seeing his face and actually being a mum, the sex didn't matter in the least to me ...ducking to avoid the barrage of shoes

We did know, I knew from the get go and we were told at the 20 week scan. I felt it helped me bond much better as I was able to say he instead of it and we were able to decorate up the nursery a bit.

To avoid the clothes issue I asked people to put some pennies away for his trust fund instead of buying him clothes. The excuse being that they grow so quick when they're little that they barely get any use out of anything.

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