Would you invite baby's dad to birth

[4evernamechanging]

Me and the dad split as soon as we found out I was pregnant, he's had nothing to do with the pregnancy. Not once asked me how it was going or if everything was going okay, offered to help with anything- literally NOTHING. So I've told him nothing. He doesn't even know the due date.
I really don't want him there tbh, I don't want to have someone I don't particularly like with me at such a vulnerable time but I also think he SHOULD be there for his child. I feel like if I just didn't tell him I was in labour/being induced (high risk pregnancy so planned induction) and had the baby without giving him the chance to be there then im to blame. What do you think?

Sounds as if you and baby number two will be better off without him in your lives

Op what's he like as a dad to your daughter?

I'm just wondering, if he's a good dad normally. Do you play the long game here? Make the effort, get the idiot in the labour room, let him see his baby being born. Bring back all the emotions etc so that he does want to take responsibility here.

This shouldn't be on you, but if he is visiting and collecting only your first child it will be horrible for this child to know he/she isn't wanted like that.

And also it means you do occasionally get respite when he has both kids.

He's not the best if I'm honest. Never was hands on when we were together (had to ask him to change nappies etc), he was really keen when we first split (I feel to spite me, like it would upset me that he wanted to have her), but that's dramatically changed. Now he doesn't ask about her between visits (2x a week), turns up late and brings her back early so generally loses about an hour of his 3, forces her to sleep (and she does because she's bored due to him leaving her to amuse himself while he watches her play from his bed)

In your position I would say he has a relationship with both children or neither. And he has to really put the work in to building a relationship with the new baby. And if he chooses not to - then stop contact with the older one too. I know it’s tough but you can’t have him taking one child for contact and not the other.
And don’t even think about giving the baby his surname.

I agree with Adalind actually. Otherwise how will you explain it to the two children as they get older?!

That's definitely what il be saying to him when this one is here if his attitude hasn't changed. Il give him the chance to meet the baby and change his mind not that he deserves it but he certainly won't be seeing one and not the other

My dad was getting pissed at a family members wake when my mum unexpectedly went into labour, he turned up and they found him next door snoring in a hospital bed

I know this makes him a bastard in mumsnet terms, but he's the most amazing dad and grandad in the whole world and I couldn't give a shit that he was fast asleep 10 foot away when I entered the world!

It's all about the effort he shows or doesn't show once the baby is born which matters, OP. Like fuck should you let him be there. You're the one that needs support.

Definitely no. Such an intimate time. If he asks, then tell him that you've already chosen your birth partner for support during labour. No further justification needed. All the best!

Absolutely not! Birth is not a spectator sport, this is all about you and who is best placed to support you

Make sure your midwife knows your decision so that if he gets wind that you are in labour and turns up unexpectedly they won't let him in