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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Would you invite baby's dad to birth

60 replies

4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 14:22

Me and the dad split as soon as we found out I was pregnant, he's had nothing to do with the pregnancy. Not once asked me how it was going or if everything was going okay, offered to help with anything- literally NOTHING. So I've told him nothing. He doesn't even know the due date.
I really don't want him there tbh, I don't want to have someone I don't particularly like with me at such a vulnerable time but I also think he SHOULD be there for his child. I feel like if I just didn't tell him I was in labour/being induced (high risk pregnancy so planned induction) and had the baby without giving him the chance to be there then im to blame. What do you think?

OP posts:
TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 29/09/2017 14:42

No no no no no no no.

The person who matters in labour is YOU. The baby doesn't give the single tiniest shit whether its father is there or not. I don't think fathers have a "right" to be there even when they're with the mother and 100% supportive if their presence isn't right for the mum, and whatever theoretical "rights" he may have EVER had he's squandered by being a disengaged dick during your pregnancy.

Who cares if someone else gets on their high horse about it? As a mum it becomes part of your job to advocate for yourself and your child, and that does sometimes mean standing up to arseholes. I would make part of your birth partner's job dealing with any interfering gits who think the sperm donor has a "right" to be there.

Original poster
4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 14:53

To be fair, the reason he won't speak to me/give a shit is because he's pissed off I didn't have an abortion (after her outright told me to and kicked off that I didn't 'care about what he wanted') so I suppose I always have the argument on my side

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TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 29/09/2017 14:58

To be fair, the reason he won't speak to me/give a shit is because he's pissed off I didn't have an abortion

Um, yeah, so I don't think you have any need to waste a single second on his wants or "rights"! If anybody does ask "shouldn't the dad be at the birth" etc just say "He's not interested in being there" - which is blatantly true.

2014newme · 29/09/2017 15:00

No he's not remotely interested and I doubt hell be any kind if parent to the baby. He's probably got someone else pg by now

WrittenandGrown · 29/09/2017 15:02

If he suddenly developed an interest I would think he could wait in the waiting room and be called in to see baby when you are ready. Prepare for him not to take an interest, you will do brilliant without him.

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 29/09/2017 15:02

I would also say no. He doesn't deserve to be there!

bluejelly · 29/09/2017 15:03

You need someone who will support you, first and foremost. Sounds like he hasn't at all so far so it would be astonishing if he was any use! Much better to have someone who is really nice there.
And congrats on your pregnancy by the way Flowers

Original poster
4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 15:03

written id say the closest females bedroom to the hospital would be more like him!
Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 29/09/2017 15:04

Absolutely not
You don’t need a reason! The baby won’t know or care if he is there, and it’s you who is giving birth. Why would you invite a nasty twat who means nothing to you to be there in your most intimate and vulnerable moments? What a thought.

headintheproverbial · 29/09/2017 15:05

I can't believe you're even asking OP. Even if he begs you to be there - NO!!!

TheCatsMother99 · 29/09/2017 15:06

There is absolutely no way I would have him there.

GoldfishCrackers · 29/09/2017 15:07

Absolutely not.

theaveragewife · 29/09/2017 15:09

Just adding to the chorus - NO!!!

Labour requires calm to enable you to feel in control, he won't help you on either of those counts.

Think about yourself now, not him Flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise · 29/09/2017 15:11

You know that if he did he'd have photos all over FB about what a great dad he was and he'd make it all about him. That would be infuriating. I wouldn't contact him again but after the birth (well afterwards, once I'd recovered) I'd let CS have his details.

Lemondrop99 · 29/09/2017 15:20

Hell no!

Ideserveaholiday · 29/09/2017 15:28

Just because he was there at conception doesn't mean he should be there at the birth. And he wanted your baby gone - there is just no way back from that. Sorry but I think you are longing for his support and the trouble is I don't think you will get what you and the baby need from him.Flowers

NameChange30 · 29/09/2017 15:29

While we're at it, please don't put him on the birth certificate (not that you can if he doesn't attend the appointiment to register the birth with you).

If he had a personality transplant and wanted to be involved, I believe he could be added later, or he could apply to the courts for parental responsibility.

And please tell me the baby will have your surname?!

asongforthelovers · 29/09/2017 16:13

If he had took an interest in the pregnancy etc I would have had the dad there but going with what you have said, definitely not!!

Don’t put yourself through the unnecessary stress or to feel uncomfortable at a time such as labour.

Good luck op.

ChocolatePancake · 29/09/2017 16:19

Absolutely not. It's a beautiful time and he doesn't deserve it

Original poster
4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 16:40

namechange we already have a child together that has his surname :( so the surname thing is a real shit situation as I can't change DDs name (he pays for her and sees her and is on her BC), but obviously he doesn't want anything to do with this one so I don't want the baby to have his surname..but I don't like the idea of only one of my children having my name. It's so messy

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Expectingbsbunumber2 · 29/09/2017 17:21

No absolute not!

NameChange30 · 29/09/2017 17:26

Hmmm that is a bit more tricky but not the end of the world. You could change your DD's surname if he would agree to it - he might agree to add your surname to his (so she has both) rather than swapping them completely? If he refuses you would have to wait until she is 16 and can decide herself, but meanwhile you could still use your surname informally even if it's not her legal name.

abigailgabble · 29/09/2017 17:58

NO! you don't want him there, does he even want to be there? seriously... if you don't want him there that is v v simple.

Original poster
4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 18:00

He would never agree to changing her name. He's a control freak, I wouldn't even ask as it's not worth the argument

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Original poster
4evernamechanging · 29/09/2017 18:00

abi no he hasn't paid any interest at all in the baby or the birth

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