How to stop worrying about m/c?

[Caz10]

I know logically that if it's going to happen it's going to happen and nothing I can do to change it either way...but I feel like I am spoiling early days of pg by worrying about a m/c further down the line. I am scared of not being able to handle the upset. I know it might not happen, but it is hard to be positive. I also know it would not be the end of the world, at least now I know I can get pg, and eventually we would get over it and try again. I know someone who had 5 before having her 2 lovely (and healthy) kids. But this is turning into an irrational fear which is making me teary and nervous, I'm just so terrfied of it happening. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I a total nutter?!

Also, sorry, is it genetic? My mum and both cousins miscarried, one cousin has had it happen twice - does that mean I am more likely to?

This is NORMAL - made worse if you read pregnancy books. I had a MC before having my lovely DD last year. I was terrified every single day of the pregnancy. Now she's here I spent the first three months convinced she would die in the night.

It's part of being a mummy I'm afraid, your worries just get more sensible the more tired you get!

Once you get to twelve weeks the risk plummets. How far along are you?

MCs are not family orientated but can relate in terms of your partner (ie if a duff sperm gets through or you have a rogue egg, it may happen). Don't worry, my mum had every problem in the book and I actually had none until the end of my pregnancy when I developed pre-eclampsia.

I found thinking about it like this: 'I got pregnant, if I have to, I can get pregnant again, but I am confident that everything is okay because I have no signs indicating anything else' .

Be happy, you are going to have a baby!!!!

not sure you can stop it - but talk to your midwife. i was like this (with good medical reason, actually) but didn't get over it & ended up hugely depressed. turned out my hormones were all wrong, also had ms right the way through, and the day after dd was born, no sickness, no fear, everything just perfect!
talking to someone can help a lot, so come on here - you won't be the only one, and talk to someone in rl - if i'd spoken to someone earlier, my pregnancy would have been a lot better!

Caz10 - the other thing I should have said is - mc when it does happen is devastating and you don't ever completely get over it, but you do learn to live with what has happened and you grieve and then you start again and the moment you hold that newborn baby in your arms, it sort of gets easier.

Thank you girls! I'm trying to be sensible and not let it get to me. I'm seeing the midwife in about 3 weeks time for my 1st apt, I'm only 5 weeks along so lots of time to worry! But I hope that seeing her will reasure me, also just the fact of being further on by then too.
I used to suffer from panic attacks through stress at work, and can recognise the signs, could feel myself getting wound up last night, but just posting here actually made me feel better!
Thanks

In 49 days you will be twelve weeks. Try to get an early dating scan so you can see a heartbeat, it makes you feel better! : )

49 days!! hee hee that has really cheered me up, thank you!!

If I still feel panicky when I go to see the midwife I will tell her about it. I saw a counsellor through my GP practice before and would be quite happy to go back if need be.

Thanks again.

If it helps, I think most people go through this. I consider myself a rational, intelligent sane person, but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think "what if it's died?" I had a really good 12 week scan, bouncy, active baby, but at 16+5 I still can't feel anything, don't have much of a bump, and don't look pregnant at all, so I'm totally paranoid. I just figured it's no way to live a life, stressing continuously. But still... the thought crosses my mind most days. I've got 4 weeks til my next scan, I'm sure I won't stop worrying until then. I hope you're able to try and relax a bit, but I know it's hard.

I also found registering on another site - called pregnancy weekly - it's an american site - here - helped. They have a countdown thing which tells you what percentage of the pregnancy you have already gone through. I checked every week and it was comforting to go from 10% to 12% etc. Of course once you get to 90% you start shitting yourself about the birth but up till then, very helpful

It does give you US based twaddle though!

Caz ? it?s not irrational and I?m sure I will feel exactly the same when I fall again. I had a MC 6 weeks ago so I?ve been there. The stats are so high in the early days that no wonder we get scared. That said, just look at all the people around you, they are all evidence that it works out ? often! I really think what you are feeling is natural. Hope you feel much better soon

Hi Caz,

As everyone else has said it is normal to worry - it's just trying not to let it take over. I have been worrying that I don't have morning sickness (I'm only 5+1) which is ridiculous - I should be enjoying it while it lasts.

I think it's also a mistake not to make any plans or think about names etc just in case you do mc - as you say if you do, there's nothing you can do about it so get excited, imagine what he/she will be like, what you want to call him/her. I can't imagine that making it any worse if you do end up having a mc (although I've never had one so I don't really know). Maybe getting excited about it will take up time you might have dedicated to worrying?

Good luck to you anyway - are you in the due december antenatal club? That might help too?

I totally understand where you are coming from. I got a BFP at the weekend and having had a missed MC at the end of January I am pretty scared too.

I had a missed MC last year and am 20 weeks now. I went through the exact same stress as you so totally understand.
To relieve my stress I found myself a good private scan company. Horribly expensive, but given the relief it gave me, it was soooo worth it!

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating...

What you're feeling is normal. I haven't ever found a good way round it. My range of strategies tends to be:

1. scientific - the further along you go, the less likely you are to m'c

1. pragmatic - if it's going to happen, you can't stop it, we're all animals, etc etc

1. bond with the baby as much as you can, as soon as you can, as you don't know how long your time together will be (bit melodromatic, that one!)

1. hold back as much as possible from bonding so you don't get your heart broken if something goes wrong (probably kidding yourself but can help in the short term).

Hi Caz10 I wanted to write as I know how you're feeling. I was estactic when I found out and then had a MAJOR panic attack about three days later after reading a preg book. I was terrified something I would do or eat would cause something to happen to my baby. I was shaking like a leaf for about an hour and had to ring my mum to calm me down.
I'm only six wks and these feel like the longest wks of my life. I just can't wait to get the 12 wks over and done with so I can get my scan and know everything's ok.
My mum advised me that we need to know what we need to know and to throw any books away. She told me there were no scans in her day and the doctor told everything was ok by sticking a finger up her 'thingamading'.(her words) So at least we have the advantages of technology.
I think my prob is that this is my 1st. Is it your 1st? I'm fixated that I don't have any morning sickness either but apparently only 50% of women do get it. I went to the doc about the panic and he told me that nature will run it's course either way and by getting anxious its not harming the baby or yourself, only your own peace of mind.
All the best of luck

Can you afford to pay for a private scan? I had a bit of spotting at 5 wks with second pg and decided to go for a private scan at 6 wks. Cost £150 but really put my mind at rest and relaxed me so much as 12 wks is such a long time to wait. I am sure everything will go fine

I know exactly how you feel. I had a missed m/c last October as well as a m/c back in 2002 so I was convinced things wouldn't work out this time - I still have really bad days!

Its completely normal to find yourself dreaming and planning one minute, then telling yourself off the next, just in case it doesn't become a reality. I got my bfp at 5 weeks with this pg and pretty much spent the following 7 weeks in denial. I ended up with hyperemesis and couldn't deny that it was really happening and have finally allowed myself to think about the future a bit more. I'm still not ready to buy anything just yet but I'm getting there.

There's a brilliant thread on here for knicker checkers (had to run to the loo at work today because I had a gush but turned out to be all ok!). It's the 'pg after miscarriage - good luck to all' one if you haven't been there already. The first few weeks are the hardest but we all seem to pull each other through. I just read it mostly at first but its amazing how many people on here have been through exactly what you are going through.

As far as the panic attacks, can you get any help with anxiety management? My hubby gets anxiety attacks and it has helped him a bit...

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Caz10, as everyone else has said what your feeling is completely normal. I had a m/c in April 05. We got pregnant again a year later and that time I bled at 10 weeks and was taken to hospital. Thankfully everything was ok and I now have a beautiful 3 month old dd, but I worried throughout my pregnancy. Even after my 20 week scan I was convinced something was going to go wrong with my pregnancy or there was going to be something seriously wrong with our baby. I think the way I was was pretty extreme but all worked out perfect in the end. Next time I intend to enjoy my pregnancy. Try to enjoy every minute. x

Everyone else has already said what I would have done. I didn't stop worrying throughout the pregnancy, and still think dd will die in the night.

But a few things did help. It's definitely worth getting an early scan - doesn't have to be private. Your GP might be able to arrange it (mine referred me) or some hospitals have a walk-in service open to women who have miscarried (e.g. St Thomas' in London).

Also, I was told that getting pregnant is the hardest part. You've proved you can do that, and so the chances are you will have children. And having one miscarriage, means that your chances of a second one aren't increased in the slightest. It's only if you have two or more that the risk increases. I had 3 but now have a lovely daughter.

Also, try and find something to do for the middle bit of your pregnancy. My partner and I got married when I was 22 weeks pregnant, we planned it on the basis that even if I did miscarry again, we'd have something to look forward to that year. And it gave me something to focus on that wasn't the pregnancy, which did make things easier. But you don't have to be as extreme as us, just book a nice holiday or something....

Oh, and, congratulations. It's still wonderful, as well as stressful

ps. Also go and find the preg after miscarriage thread - everyone on there has been through it, and will support you throughout the whole 40 weeks. They kept me sane.

I'm another worrier. I have to get through every hurdle e.g. 1st scan, 1st time heard heartbeat then I start worrying about the next one. My next hurdle is the 20 week scan.
My advise is to take one day at a time. At the end of every day you can hopefully breath a sigh of relief safe in the knowledge that you're a day closer. And when he or she is born, you'll have a whole new heap of worries to think about. Welcome to life as a parent!!!

I agree Skidadle, even though I did lose my baby and all the hopes and dreams that went with her, I find it a comfort now that I did let myself think about her and plan for her. It sounds odd but it made her real plus they were the happiest days I?ve ever known I can?t wait to be pregnant again and intend to try and banish all my fears and keep as positive vibe ? lightening might not strike twice!

Aww MrsMcJnr, that made me choke up (mind you that's not hard these days, burst into tears reading dd her bedtime story last night ). I remember you from the ttc forum where you were so kind and helpful and I really really hope you get your baby soon. I will pop over and check how you are doing, best of luck

Congratulations on being pg!
After a m/c at 8 weeks I panicked all the way through the first 12 weeks. Talk talk talk to partner/midwife/mum/friends - it really helped me. I think the best advice I got, which sort of helped was to take it a day at a time - each day that passes without all the signs you've been reading about is another day closer to your baby. If the worse does happen you will cope.
What you're feeling is totally normal, but do try and enjoy being pregnant.

This is what I worry about on a regular basis...

-On the very odd occasion that I have lifted something not very heavy I worry I have caused damage

-I worry I have stunted baby's growth if I haven't eaten for an hour or two

-Sometimes I imagine my tummy is getting smaller

-I worry that at the 20 wk scan they are going to tell me something awful

-I worry that I don't feel pg enough depite an array of symptoms

-I worry that it doesn't move much, and even that it is not movement I can feel anyway

-I worry because I don't have that linea nigra yet

...And loads of others that I can't think of now