Insensitive things people say

[isshoes]

I turned 12 weeks today and am very happy about it, though won’t have my dating scan until early next week. I told a colleague today, who is an eternal pessimist, and he said ‘oh so you’ve got about a month until you know it’s secure’. I told him that no, as I’m near the end of the first trimester I was feeling a bit more confident, and he said ‘well I don’t want to worry you but about 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. But once you’re four months you can relax a bit’.

I know logically what he says is not accurate based on the vast majority of literature on the subject of pregnancy and loss, but it still sucks.

I can't top that. OMG what a complete asshat! I would have punched him in the throat. And you are right, what he's saying IS crap. Every week your pregnancy advances without issue, the chances of miscarriage go down.

What a D**k. I remember putting up with some harsh and not very nice comments but nothing like that! I would of balled my eyes out. Bless you ignore that idiot! X

I experienced something similar with my (male) boss. I was suffering with all day sickness at work, some days were particularly bad and I couldn’t make the 35 minute commute each way. I decided at 7 weeks to tell him I was pregnant so I could explain my absence. He congratulated me and then said he would “need to have a chat at some point about my intentions but it wouldn’t be yet as, well, y’know, anything can happen before 12 weeks so we’ll and we’ll leave it until after then”. Thanks. Yes I am aware of that having had a miscarriage earlier in the year. I didn’t really need to hear that from my boss. Some people really should learn to think before they speak. And perhaps try and learn to have some empathy.

His face though after my 12 week scan when I told him I was having twins!

He was talking crap. After 12 weeks the risks become very low. Certainly not 30% at that point onwards. Ludicrous!

Best to develop a thick skin as every fecker has an opinion on pregnancy and babies.

After my miscarriage a close relative said (once I'd gleefully informed them that I had got a positive test)... "Well we won't get excited about it yet. Just to be on the safe side"

I'd been on top of the world. Totally took the wind out of my sails.

That's awful. I get the odd snide remarks like. Oh that's two toilet trips in one hour.. Yes it bloody is.. Or what you have your flu jab on your Saturday to work.. Yes that's all t hey do ring my surgery.
Oh so you have another appointment in work time.. Yes that's all my midwife works..
So now I'm that sick of the comments any appointments I have I book purposely in work time.. Even if it's docs for a not pregnancy related issue..
She's a trainee manager. Young and thinks just because he r sis had a plain sailing pregnancy everyone does. She doesn't believe my risks etc despite showing her my midwife and GP notes. Some ppl are thoughtless

I know it's not as bad as some already written, but

'Why are you giving him formula? I kept my kids alive with just my boobs'

Said by my sister after I was struggling to breastfeed my third baby, to the extent that he had lost 1lb of his birthweight in 2 weeks and the hv was discussing hospital admission.

He's thriving now, 16lb at 14 weeks, being mixed fed, but it cut me deep knowing I'd failed my baby.

Why don’t people think before they speak? I had another colleague tell me to be very careful not to get too stressed because ‘I’d be devastated if something happened’ and ‘I’m not being funny but you’re not getting any younger’ (am 36).

Congratulations on your pregnancy! He was really insensitive but to be honest, unless you have had a scan already and know that the pregnancy is viable there is still a small risk of a missed miscarriage. Giving him the benefit of the doubt Maybe that's what he meant? I found out at my 12 week scan that my baby had died at 10 weeks.

I’ve had three scans (the most recent at 9 weeks) and am still nauseous etc.. but yes I know there are no guarantees.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Indeed the fact that I know there are no guarantees is precisely why I am glad to reach 12 weeks, because I’m a step closer to having my scan and entering the second semester. It’s not helpful to have someone say incorrect facts about the likelihood of miscarriage when you’re happy to announce your pregnancy.

*trimester

Most insensitive thing said to me so far (struggling with Hyperemesis, reduced movements, constant nausea and weightloss still occurring even though I'm not being sick anymore) was by a woman I barely know...

"I know you're pregnant now but once you've had your boy would you be a surrogate mum for me and my DH?"
right after I've had him. No waiting, she literally wanted me to be pregnant again as soon as i could be.

No lady, I don't even know you that well!! And asking a woman going through a horrendous time with her pregnancy isn't the best option!!
(Not a dig at people wanting or needing surrogates. I'm just not cut out for pregnancy. My body just has not responded well at all)
Just so annoyed that she didn't care whether I was feeling up to it or that I even wanted to be pregnant again. Was literally just thinking about herself and not how I'd feel about it (awkward af considering she's practically a stranger)

Oh my god what a complete arsehole! I can't even top that one!

Just hit 7 months and things are happy and healthy thank goodness and baby is growing normally.

Cue "Oh my god you're huge! Are you sure you're not having triplets hahaha! You could barely tell I was pregnant when I had mine but you're like a big whale... hahahaha

Oh do fuck off!!!

What a dick! I get 'oh you're really small' 32+5, being told by a family member I shouldn't go out and enjoy myself (day festival) a few months back, that I'm not organised, I'm aware, don't make me stress out even more than I already am! Some people just don't think before they speak!

My mother told me when I was just over 12 weeks, "don't get too excited as you know what happened to (x relative)! My relative has had 2 stillborn babies. Needless to say I spent the rest of my pregnancy worrying something would go wrong. She's now 10 weeks old Congratulations OP

I got asked by everyone from mil to complete strangers if ds was an accident because of tiny age gap!

My "best" example is when I returned to work after time off for threatened miscarriage. A lovely lady said, "Nature knows best, there's probably something wrong with it." Really cheered me up.

What a total wanker. You'd be within your rights to calmly tell him to fuck off, e.g. "oh how interesting, thank you for that very supportive comment" delivered in a total deadpan passive agressive voice while staring right through him.

Unfortunately best get used to it, start practicing the death stare and calm assertiveness skills now.

"Oh you don't look pregnant"
"You're huge aren't you"

Never mind the total strangers trying to touch you, the random men leering at you, old people tutting at you for daring to reproduce, etc etc.

Once baby's out it doesn't get any better either

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Granny a midwife once said the same thing to my friend. I think she was genuinely trying to be king!

Kind

In like a banana out like a pineapple

Threenme, I could see it as trying to be kind if I'd had a miscarriage but I hadn't and what she said really haunted me for the rest of my pregnancy and it was a difficult pregnancy with repeated bleeding and thinking I was losing the baby.