AIBU re OH weekend away with newborn?

[violetvivi8]

I'm currently 5 days overdue with our first baby and my induction date isn't until the beginning of next week. I don't see any signs of this baby coming naturally personally, so imagine I will go up until my induction date next week.
My OH has had a weekend away booked up for months with a large number of his friends for his hobby. He will be 4 hours away from home and intends to go on the Saturday morning and come back the Sunday evening so two whole days away from newborn and I. Even if I was to go into labour today, I would still be left alone in our new house together with a 10 day old baby. Worst case scenario, the baby will come next week, he will be on his paternity leave and I will be left alone on our first weekend with our newborn.
He is the one who has organised this weekend away a few months ago as his hobby involves a group that he started up and he organises monthly and annual days/weekends away to play this hobby.
AIBU to expect him to not go on this weekend away? I haven't initiated it but every one who asks him if he's still going, his response is yes. I want to bring it up but I also don't want to come across as being unreasonable. What do you think?

He booked it months ago? As in 10 months ago, or 4 months ago?!

For him to book to go away around the due date of his first baby is grossly unreasonable and selfish.

But I'm wondering why you're only thinking about this now and not when it was booked?

@LittleMissMankyPants booked last year before we found out I was pregnant, been planned for months and months and has cost in the region of a couple hundred pounds so wasn't a light hearted decision. They often book their last weekend away to play this hobby a year in advance. It's been one of those things we haven't addressed yet as quite often babies don't come on time so I thought we would have a good few weeks in between but now it looks as though baby will definitely be here just before!

Why wouldn't he cancel? Sorry if I seem a bit dim, but on no planet would losing a weekend away/couple of hundred quid be more important than being there for the birth and first few days of your child's life.

@Notreallyarsed He mentioned a few weeks ago he is saying yes to all of those still going as he doesn't want them to think he's not just yet, especially as he planned it as he may get drop outs and would mean he would lose money so he's trying to be clever about it? I'm not too sure. I just personally think it should have been a no since we found out I'm pregnant but haven't expressed this concern yet as I'm too wary to disrupt the peace, and to be honest trying to focus on getting this baby out naturally first!!

I didn't realise you hadn't spoken to him about it, maybe he's in ostrich mode? I hope he cancels and that everything goes smoothly for you with the birth

No you're not being unreasonable at all, seems ridiculous and very self-absorbed that he's even considering going given the circumstances. I'm not the remotely controlling type but my husband would have been told in no uncertain terms that his priority right now is his wife and NEWBORN BABY, not a weekend away with his mates!

@Notreallyarsed me too thank you x

YANBU to ask him to cancel. Even though he arranged it, I'm sure the other people going will understand in the circumstances. In fact they'd probably be amazed if he went!

I say that as someone who let my DH go away overnight when DC1 was less than 2 weeks old. But that was for his Gran's funeral which is somewhat different.

@Tilapia was it really hard being alone overnight with a newborn? X

You need to tell him how you feel about it. It is very shit of him, don't leave it in the hope he will realise he is being a shit.

Hopefully he'll have a reality check soon and realise that going is ridiculous. It's one thing having a night away when the baby is here and a few weeks old, but not around birth/first few days. Either way, it's stress and worry you don't need.

What a selfish arsehole.

This would be a deal breaker for me OP.

You are going through a life changing experience, he needs to cancel.

I can't believe the lightbulb moment hasn't happened where he's realised, "Ah, maybe I shouldn't go on that weekend away because we'll have the baby." He really should cancel. But if he's like my DH, he'll cancel when the baby actually arrives and there's hard evidence of its actual existence.

It's a Saturday afternoon back on a Sunday evening? It's not a terribly long time away. You will manage but still, he SHOULD be home. My gut feeling is, the baby will arrive and he'll cancel on his own steam without hesitation. Is this your first child? I ask because it seems like he hasn't yet known the excitement that comes with the arrival of that baby. It's not quite real yet in his mind, it seems.

Is there a reason you've not felt able to raise it before OP? You say you want to keep the peace - would he blow up with rage or something if you were to mention you didn't think it was a good idea?

Of course he shouldn't go. I bet he's a cyclist. In my experience they are as selfish in their personal lives as they are on the road/pavement.

I bet you any money all the people on the trip will think he's a cock for leaving his wife alone for the weekend with a baby thats only a few days old.

What if you need a section? He will have to cancel then!

@TheVanguardSix I think you're right, as it's our first baby he doesn't know what it's like to have a newborn so he won't know the full extent of it all until the baby is actually here and in his arms and he's like "fuck I can't leave this baby for two days", so maybe that's what I'm holding out for?

@darceybussell no, not at all! He's a great partner. I honestly just don't think he realises. I haven't bought it up as I'll be honest, completely forgot until about 3 weeks ago. Was then diagnosed with GD so have had a lot on my mind with twice weekly monitoring and now being overdue and trying every which way possible to get this baby out! I was only reminded last night when my mum asked me if he was still going as she was looking at her calendar (unhealthy habit of keeping track of all our social events, so she knows when I'm away, bless her)

I'm going to bring it up tonight and see what he says. He may have changed his mind to not go without telling me as we haven't discussed it in a few weeks. I just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable before I did ask but the vast majority says I'm not so I'll go with that in the confidence I can kick off if I want

Whether or not you will 'cope' with a newborn is one thing.

But this is HIS baby! What kind of father wants to risk missing out on precious time with his own first newborn so he can go on a jolly? This does not bode well for the future.

I did wonder if it was your first so he hasn't a clue what's coming you're absolutely entitled to kick off if he refuses (although I hope he won't).

No way should he be going!

OP, it wasn't too bad tbh. DC1 was quite an easy baby and I managed better than I expected. But, as I say, a much-loved relative's funeral is completely different from a weekend away with his mates!

If you have GD you should be offered an induction at 38 weeks! If you are already overdue I would be asking to be induced now! If your blood sugars have been high there are higher risks for going over your due date. Ring your consultant or midwife today and see if they can move things forward?

But yes your DH is bvu to go away so close to you having a baby

My DH went away for 4 nights 5 days to France when I was 38 weeks pregnant with our first. I didn't tell him he couldn't go, but I did tell him that if I ended up in labour giving birth without him I would never forgive him. Baby ended up being 4 days past due so he was smug. However, 14 years later currently pregnant with baby no 3 and that shit wouldn't fly now...I'd tell him an outright no.

You need to talk to him about it, you need to tell him your not happy with him going considering the circumstances and see what he says.