AIBU re OH weekend away with newborn?

[violetvivi8]

I'm currently 5 days overdue with our first baby and my induction date isn't until the beginning of next week. I don't see any signs of this baby coming naturally personally, so imagine I will go up until my induction date next week.
My OH has had a weekend away booked up for months with a large number of his friends for his hobby. He will be 4 hours away from home and intends to go on the Saturday morning and come back the Sunday evening so two whole days away from newborn and I. Even if I was to go into labour today, I would still be left alone in our new house together with a 10 day old baby. Worst case scenario, the baby will come next week, he will be on his paternity leave and I will be left alone on our first weekend with our newborn.
He is the one who has organised this weekend away a few months ago as his hobby involves a group that he started up and he organises monthly and annual days/weekends away to play this hobby.
AIBU to expect him to not go on this weekend away? I haven't initiated it but every one who asks him if he's still going, his response is yes. I want to bring it up but I also don't want to come across as being unreasonable. What do you think?

@happymumof4crazykids it was suspected GD but turns out I just have a big baby and polyhydramnios!

What happens if you end up having a section? You can't lift. And you will be alone with a newborn.
I do not mean to be a doomgloom but what if things don't go to plan? He has not thought this through.
You are very vulnerable just now and immediately after a baby. He is being very selfish.

He is definitely being unreasonable!!

It can take weeks to recover from giving birth, months even! He should not be leaving you alone the first weekend after having a baby, he should be looking after you and letting you rest. Do men really do this shit?!

Under no circumstances would my DH be going anywhere a few days after the birth of a child, nor would he want to! My DS WAS 8 days late and had to be admitted to SCBU. Even without that I was a hormonal mess - I needed my partner there just to tell me everything would be ok.

I hope your DH gets there on his own, he really will miss some amazing moments if he buggers off somewhere.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks after DS was born with both of us having Iv antibiotics! I think perhaps your DP needs a bit of a reality check. I had a c-section and I wouldn't have felt safe to look after DS alone overnight for 2-3 weeks.

Yeah, he needs to pack it in unless you decide to be very tolerant of his selfishness and get your mum to stay the 2 full days of his absence.

Isn't it very fucking convenient for him that his body isn't recovering from a serious trauma for weeks after he gets his new baby.

Is this your first OP? I can only think that the reality hasn't hit him yet that his newborn baby will be here that's when he might change his mind? I think for us women it's a lot more real sooner than for men, we think more practically. But no your not being unreasonable at all X

@violetvivi8 I'm still surprised they are letting you go so far over with a big baby! You would be well within your rights to ask for an earlier induction! Hope all goes well and baby makes an appearance soon :)

Well...my DH had to go away for work for two weeks a fortnight after DS1 was born. We had no choice. I'd had an EMCS and was stuck in the middle of nowhere (we lived very rurally at the time, 2 hours away from DH's family), not allowed to drive, with my disabled mother to look after as well. It's utterly manageable from a physical point of view, I can assure you, as long as your freezer is well-stocked with stuff you've made pre-birth, ready meals and frozen pizzas - if you're breastfeeding, there's not a great deal for your DH to be doing other than housework anyway as baby is only going to want to be attached to you.

But at the end of the day, I don't think he's going to want to go. DH sure as hell didn't. He cried when he left and cried even more when he got back and wouldn't let go of DS1 for about an hour.

Another vote for cancel. Heaven forbid, but what if there are complications? Or you need a section? But even aside from that, those first few days with baby no.1 are hard work, you will need him, not just in physical recovery (I had bad bleeding after both my births and really did need help moving about) but also moral/mental support as it's full on. Those first few days are really really precious, more precious than any hobby.

it was suspected GD but turns out I just have a big baby and polyhydramnios!

Me too - so big that I had to have a c-section
Have they mentioned that as a possibility for you?

YADNBU. I can't believe he would even contemplate it a mere days after you've had the baby! Does he not realise that a) births don't always go to plan and b) even if they do, you will both need his support?! As a PP said, I can guarantee that his friends (and their partners) will think he's a prize prick if he goes.

I'd like to hope that when the time comes he would prefer to spend the time with his newborn and wife rather than his hobby.

Days after giving birth I needed my DH not just for the baby but for looking after me! I was very poorly after labour, and couldn't even make myself food/wash properly for days afterwards.
If you need a section you'll need someone there. But even with the most straight forward of labours new borns hard work. I know you think you understand this, and I don't want to sound patronising but they really are hard work. With 2 of you it's manageable and even enjoyable. But on your own so early on? I really wouldn't.
He needs to cancel.

@LizB62A yes I am consultant led so have been given all the options, I have decided to try things naturally first and am fully supported with my decision by my doctors and midwife. Baby is fine. I am monitored every 2 days.

He would be completely mad to go and you'd be mad not to tell him so, tbh. I'd put the kibosh on it now, I wouldn't need the stress of him continuing to toy with the idea and of the mad possibility that he might actually decide to do it.

Turns out he'd already told his friend (the other organiser) he wasn't going on Friday which I wasn't aware of so we're all good and he didn't even need to have a bollocking. He said he realised when he told his female boss that he was potentially going away for the weekend a few weeks ago and she told him he was "off his fucking chops".

A lot of what PP's has said is right, we are FTP's and he is a man so I'm sure just wasn't clued up on the fact how hard newborns can be. I'm glad we didn't have to come to a head on it! Thanks for all the comments.

Aw I'm glad he saw sense and it's all worked out well

I hope it works out for you.

I wanted a natural birth but ended up having to have a c-section at 38 weeks as my son was 5.2kg (11 lbs 5 oz) with massive shoulders

Sumo baby

Ahhh see he's not a prize prick! 😂
Good Luck OP hope it all goes well!

DressedCrab, what a fucking stupid thing to say.

Lovely how so many people were prepared to jump to conclusions about this poor guy when he'd already sorted out the weekend .

Good luck with the baby OP x

To be fair @EveningShadows I didn't really give him the benefit of the doubt by posting this up here, but at least he's shown he can be a mature adult who makes good decisions. I feel bad for jumping to conclusions about him too and he's my OH I'm glad he's shown he can be a diamond. Thank you for your message xx

Also he's definitely not a cyclist, although I have nothing against them! He's a 🏌🏼'er

I'm sure he's as excited about your new arrival as you are OP .

The cyclist comment pissed me off - dh and I (and our DC) are all cyclists. We're certainly not selfish, either on or off our bikes, and I'm fucking sick of the cycling-bashing that is considered so amusing on social media nowadays .

Apologies for hijacking your thread to rant about the moronic comment though .

It's just irrelevant to the thread isn't it @Eveningshadows! And I haven't cycled any where I'm about 15 years lol so definitely not taking it personally.

@Violetvivi8 good news all round! I am due our first in November and the amount of people stressing how much of a shock it will be for us is kind of overwhelming isn't it?!

Really glad to hear your OH has it sorted. I think it's harder for the father to grasp the enormity of it all because it isn't as much of a reality to them; our bodies spend 9 months growing and bonding with our babies, whilst our partners have to wait until baby is here to really know anything about them!

Hope everything goes well with your birth and you have a nice straightforward labour x

I think the cyclist thing was a joke because it crops up so frequently as the hobby that causes a lot of strife on here (not least because it's so time consuming).

Glad he's seen sense OP and hope the baby makes an appearance before the induction