Birth Horror Stories

[louiserachael]

I have spoken to three girlfriends regarding the births of their children ... I am now severely worried about the delivery of my first child! Do any of you ladies have any advice for giving birth or nice stories to share particularly where you tell me it's not going to hurt that much !?

I think your first reply had it right - people love to talk about their labours/births in general, because it's such a massive, intense, life changing thing - but if you had a good experience it tends to come across a bit smug so people keep it more to themselves I think.
Since you asked, I had 2 drug free homebirths, no stitches either time (1st degree tear with both), no problems afterwards, had an absolutely amazing time both times. I came out of my labours feeling like superwoman - like I could take over the world. I am one of those freaks who loves labour/giving birth! I can't agree enough with whoever said that feeling in control is the most important thing. It makes an unbelievable difference. Focus on your breathing, it helps. And positioning is really important - out of 2 whole labours, I've only ever had 1 contraction on my back and it was utterly unbearable. If I had to do a whole labour like that, I'd be howling for an epidural.
I'm currently pg with #3 and have had some medical stuff since my last birth that means I might not have the same lovely experience again - I'm keeping an open mind. It's a huge cliche, but regardless of how your birth goes, the little person you get at the end of it does make it all worthwhile.

It is painful but I am a complete wuss and if I can do it then anyone can! The pain does go immediately as well. My daughter was back to back which is supposed to be more painful - and I did it with only gas and air.

I've had three. Each was different. Would do it all again.

Look up the positive birth movement and empower yourself

I had a lovely lovely birth- Labour was about 11/12 hours from start to finish, managed it with hypnobirthing techniques, yoga and drinking lots of water were enough to get me through it. Was only at the hospital 90 minutes or so before he was born, so enjoyed doing things my way at home

And that feeling when you actually deliver is like no other in the world

DD's birth was on the face of it quite traumatic - things started to go wrong when my temperature rose and wouldn't reduce again, which led to intervention which led to intervention, etc, ending in an epidural and a forceps birth. BUT, at no point did I feel frightened or unable to deal with it, as the staff were brilliant. They guided me through everything and made it clear that everything they did was going to keep me and my baby safe.

Every person is different, as is every labour. You never know what you're going to get but if it wasn't worth it, nobody would choose to have more than one.

My first was an induction that lasted ages but I had an epidural in place for most of it and it was a lengthy but lovely experience - though I didn't get a rush of love or after birth high as I was too bloody knackered. No tearing/stitches or complications.

Second birth 3 months ago was another induction, happened much much faster and was a lot more painful but resulted in being told I wasn't dilated and that baby was long off to being rushed to delivery half an hour later with urge to push and DH only just making it in time, just gas and air, no tearing. And i had the most amazing empowering feelings, and such a huge rush of love and absolutely massive post birth high that lasted days. Was brilliant.

I can't do pregnancy again due to health complications but if I could I would do it again in a heartbeat, it's such an exciting and unforgettable experience.

My D sis had a very easy births
Said she had experienced worse headaches, toothaches etc.
3 lovely healthy babies
However, it hurt like the devil for my 4

Educate yourself. Your chances of having an 'horrific birth' or a gentle easy birth' will not change by you listening to other peoples anecdotes.

Find out the chances of going into labour naturally/needing to be induced, needing episiotomy, tearing, pain relief options, choices around instrumental delivery and c-section if it comes to that.

Be realistic - no-one wants pain and complications but crossing fingers and wishing them away isn't going to help.

Natural birth/low intervention advocates would say that the fear of a bad birth makes it more likely that you will have one - that is a tenuous argument at best and certainly any causal link is not as definitive as that. There are some stats that show starting in a low intervention environment (midwife led/home) will lead to statistically less chance of intervention - but in that situation you are relying on remaining 'low risk' throughout the process and need to be comfortable with an ambulance transfer if you do become 'high risk'.

My 'nice' childbirth story involves an elective CS - so I can say that if you need or choose a CS it isn't the big nasty, serious, booby prize that it gets painted. Mine was relaxing, pain free and easy to recover from.

On paper I had a bad birth. Thirty hours of labour, DD got stuck after three hours of pushing, needed an epidural and forceps intervention. Episiotomy and third degree tear. Basically a nightmare.

BUT...

I loved it! I felt like a massive hero for dealing with such a long labour, the relief of the epidural was immense and I didn't even mind going into theatre after pushing for hours and getting nowhere because I felt in control and really looked after. I really felt like I was having all the aspects of the birth experience - definitely got my money's worth!

It was such a crazy, surreal experience. I still have very fond memories of it all.

The most important factor I think is if you feel in control and listened to by the people supporting you, you will be fine whatever happens.

Agree with herethereandeverywhere - c sections are painted out to be last resort, awful things that can't possibly match the beauty of giving birth vaginally but my section was done wonderfully. Nearly a year on I have no complications and haven't felt like I had a section since about the 6 week mark. It's talked about as if it's horrific and I imagine it has been for some, but there are positive c section stories too. I was so frightened of having one but my recovery was so quick and quicker than that of another friend who gave birth the day before me, vaginally.

It's swings and roundabouts I guess. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I agree with everyone else when they say remind your friends/colleagues etc that you don't wish to hear stories of labour if you don't want to

@herethereandeverywhere I'm not sure whether you intended your comment to come across rude but starting it with "Educate yourself" seemed like a dig specially since you had a c-section and I'm asking about natural births. Thank you everyone else for your positive and honest comments

Interesting to hear everyone's positive stories. I'm like the op have heard all the worst stories so all the above have helped me.

I'm due in 3 weeks time. First baby. I'm going in open minded. I am realistic enough to know it will hurt. But also that my body was designed to do this and it knows what to do. I just need to let it get on with it and work with it.

I'm a massive control freak and so panicked a lot during my first long labour.
During the birth of DC2 I learned to let my body just do what it needed to do and that was definitely a different experience.
It's a rollercoaster and it fucking hurts. But you'll completely get through it and at the end you get a baby!! It's awesome.
Good luck!

If it comes to it, C-sections don't hurt at all (during, but aftercare is pretty minimal too).

I had a very positive experience, in the birthing pool

I didn't find it overly painful just very intense and strong pressure. Midwives encouraged me to touch the babies head while he was crowning and I accidentally touched myself instead and it felt rather orgasmic

I don't think Herethere meant to have a dig. I think they just meant that it might prepare you better to have facts on the different possibilities rather than anecdotes. I thought it was the most helpful post actually.

Fwiw, my first birth was really really painful, I was in tears each contraction until I was hooked up to gas and air. I had a ventous delivery with episiotomy / stitches as baby wasn't shifting, but I felt so calm and cared for because the doctor was calm and explained it all to me. I felt reassured by everyone who was in the room, midwives, student doctor etc. So even though it was medicalised and presumably baby was in some difficulty, it was still, for me, a positive experience.

I think herethere makes a good point tbh. I also didn't read it as a dig, more a factual pointing out that all the anecdotes in the world can't replace proper knowledge about risks, interventions, stats, etc. Obviously the stories are great too but the best thing you can do is learn the facts - it all comes back to feeling in control. If you understand what's happening and why, you're so very much more likely to come out of birth feeling like you have a good experience.

The most important factor I think is if you feel in control and listened to by the people supporting you, you will be fine whatever happens.
^ this is absolutely spot on imo.

Herethere gave good advice!

I was induced at 40+14 - we used the hypnobirthing techniques and I was in the pool for the last three hours which really helped. I used a Tens machine and breathing exercises up until then. Wee one was 9lb 12oz and the only really sore part was when I tore but it was more of an intense stinging. I'm pregnant again and although I'm looking forward to the birth I'm probably more nervous that we had such a good one last time it might not happen like that for us again.

4 births and all very different. Not horror stories. Just really painful for me. I used g&a with the first three but not for the fourth one as I realised it's making me really dizzy and ill. My second birth was the longest and the hardest because i totally lost control. Best bit is when I give the final push and baby slips out. That feeling is addictive.

"Educate yourself" seemed like a dig specially since you had a c-section and I'm asking about natural births.

You do need to educate yourself. Knowledge and understanding are your best weapons against fear.

You hope for and are preparing for a natural birth, but you cannot guarantee one. You need to be open to the idea that you may need extra medical help, even perhaps a Caesarian. My birth plan had two sections. The first was 'ideally...', the second was 'but if XYZ, then...'

I didn't get quite the births I had hoped for, but each one was hard work, reasonably painful, amazing and empowering, and each one was better than the previous one. I asked to see forceps on my birth preparation course, and the midwife had to show me them outside the room, as I was the only mum2b who wanted to look at them. I'm glad I did, as they are much smaller than I had imagined from the descriptions, so I was no longer frightened by the idea that I might need them.

@louiserachael I am bloody sick of this too!! I'm due with my first in 6 weeks and have been scared shitless by quite a few people. But then, it is balanced out by more sensible friends saying it's not going to be easy, you know that, but you really can do it.

Not to dismiss anybody's traumatic experience at all, though. I've been worried about getting PND but at this point I don't want to read any more stories about what it was like, only about what you can do to recover as best you can. I just think we need to protect ourselves at this late stage.

@herethereandeverywhere I'm not sure whether you intended your comment to come across rude but starting it with "Educate yourself" seemed like a dig specially since you had a c-section and I'm asking about natural births

Not a dig, just a piece of advice - education and request for anecdotes are not the same IMO.

And my ELCS was my second birth, my first was Keillands forceps delivery involving permanent damage to me and my baby, but as you were requesting positive stories and not 'horror stories' I intentionally only referred to the positive one. If I had educated myself better, my first birth may also have been different. So not a dig, just the desire for more women to understand the reality of birth and the myriad of ways that it can unfold so that whatever happens you can remain in control and make educated decisions.

@herethereandeverywhere @StepAwayFromCake I do take offence to the comment "Educate yourself" firstly I have read the books and spoke to the midwives etc etc and read up on pros and cons of natural births , water births c sections etc etc I just wanted women who have given birth to give me some reassurance that their experience wasn't as scary as I feel it is made out to be at times perhaps I should have been clearer with my original post.