FINDING OUT GENDER 1ST BABY....

[AmandaP86x]

Just interested to know the reasons as to why you found out or why you didn't find out?

Currently 20 weeks pregnant and having long standing debate with DP!!!

I'd like to know people's reasons as to why or why not xxx

I had to find out, I couldn't wait.
I was so excited to meet the little being growing inside me, I kind of felt a closer Bond that I could call it my Daughter. I even had a 4d scan to confirm it.
Then found the clothes buying etc much easier because we 100% knew what we were having x

Ffs, it's sex, not gender.

@SuburbanRhonda shut up people clearly knew what I meant as there has been umpteen replies. Keep ur snide comments to yourself FFS

For those who find out and say 'it makes buying clothes easier ' - you do know that boys can wear pink and girls, blue?

We have DT's and didn't find out what type they were but bought a selection clothes in pink, blue, white, green, yellow etc . They turned out to be boy/girl twins. They got dressed into whichever babygro I picked up. When they were 9 months plus and moved into wearing proper clothes, they worn leggings/soft jeans and a tshirt but I never checked what tshirt was going on what baby.

I found out. Partly because I was so excited I couldn't wait, partly because it narrowed down the uncertainty around pregnancy and birth (e.g. When will she be born? Will I make it to the hospital? Will I need intervention? Will she be healthy? Will we be safe?), and partly because it narrowed down the name list by 50%.

Many congratulations and good luck!

I found out precisely because I didn't give a flying fig either way. I also found out their femur lengths and how they were lying and what the placenta was doing and had a look at the heart and so on. It was all just a list of facts and had bog all to do with clothes or preconceived notions.

I was never going to be the person gushing at birth over it being either sex as I didn't add any weight to that biological fact.

There is no right or wrong way though. If you want to know solely to dress the baby in pink or blue then that's fine or if you have a preference or you want a hallmark announce at the birth type moment. Whatever your reasons, they're your own. Don't let people who do differently sneer at them.

Is it a snide comment to mention a biological fact now?

Right.

Yeh @SuburbanRhonda piss off now thanks

All bloody colours are gender neutral. They are just colours.

You can buy whatever you like for your child regardless of what genitals it happens to have at birth. It won't even begin to have an understanding of gender until toddlerhood and it won't have decided its own for some time after that.

It pisses me off when people say finding out at 20 weeks isn't a surprise. Um yes, it is. How is it not?!

There's an awful lot of virtue signalling that goes on around not finding out - oh I'm above any silliness about the sex of the baby, I'm totally neutral about it, etc etc.

We found out for all of ours, it helped us build a picture in our heads of what we were having.

For DS and then DD I bought second hand baby clothes in bundles of sizes up to 1 year whilst still pregnant, while I had the time to be fannying around collecting them. Second DS is just in hand me downs. Of course I reused DS stuff for DD, and of course you can buy 'girl' or 'boy' bundles regardless of whether the child is a girl or boy, but it made sense to me to know. Our decor and purchases from new have always been pretty neutral.

We told everyone we weren't going to find out... and then we decided to find out at the 20 week scan, me and DH know but we aren't telling anyone else. Our little secret :)

Looking at it objectively, I could have had my surprise at 20 weeks or 40! Why wait? Pushing a baby out is surely a big enough event without piling a gender reveal on top of it? I'm not criticising anyone that chooses this- good for them for having more patience than me! 😊 I also kind of wanted a girl.....it's a boy! Glad I didn't spend a further 20 weeks imagining the wrong thing at least part of the time. I'm happy I know I've got a little boy with his own secret name and way too many grey/white/navy stripey clothes already

We're not, for 2 reasons:

BIL and his GF were told they were having a girl, had a pink shower with pink everything and pink everywhere (wouldn't be my style anyway but still...) - lo and behold he was a boy.

But mainly it's because I don't want to find out based on a scan photo of a baby that's still primarily just a concept to me, not really real - I want us to find out when we actually meet them in real life.

Yeh @SuburbanRhonda piss off now thanks

Bloody hell Ananda you're unpleasantly rude and aggressive! Rhonda's not the only one to point it out - a pp highlighted sex too. Gender and sex are two quite different things - no need to be so arsey.

Agree Veterinari- I was going to post a reply about our reasons for not finding out but then saw how rude and aggressive the OP was so have decided against it! 🙈 Shame really, completely unnecessary!

No what is rude and arsey is someone coming in and saying "ffs" like yeh point it out that's fine but there was no need to say ffs as if I am stupid.

Cool don't reply it's no biggy other people have

@mummabubs no what's unnecessary is someone coming on and being arsey and correcting something that actually doesn't need correcting

Didn't find out with any of mine and it was the best decision I took!

I honestly can't tell you how exciting it is to spend all 9 months wondering, and then for the doc/DH to shout 'It's a X' when the baby pops out.

Seriously, don't find out. All this 'I need to paint the nursery/buy the clothes' is bollocks. MUCH more fun to have a surprise!

@mummabubs no what's unnecessary is someone coming on and being arsey and correcting something that actually doesn't need correcting

Except, unless you've been living under a rock recently you'll understand that the difference between sex and gender is actually quite significant.

It might not matter to you OP but you don't get to police the thread.

No what is rude and arsey is someone coming in and saying "ffs" like yeh point it out that's fine but there was no need to say ffs as if I am stupid

Except it wasn't directed specifically at you was it? But you chose to make it about you and responded personally and aggressively. If you can't cope with the odd FFS I think you might struggle on MN - the language here is often quite robust!

It's me who started the thread so yeh I do get to police it

@AmandaP86x we found out! Really really really wanted a little girl (as did my partner who already has a son from a previous relationship) but we both would have been over the moon with a little boy too. Once everything was okay with our little baba that's all that really mattered when it came down to it :) Was lovely having that extra bond before our little girl was born!

We were unsure what to do with no 1 but then found out at 20 week scan. Only told close family (don't know why probably a bit pfb in hindsight!) Actually both of us really liked being able to think and say 'he' or 'she' rather than 'baby' or 'it'. No strong preferences either way, just wanted healthy babies and no desire for lots of pink and blue stuff.

It seems to be something people feel bizarrely so strongly about - and tell you you should or shouldn't find out, with accompanying spurious reasons either way. It doesn't matter which you do as long as you're happy with it.

It's me who started the thread so yeh I do get to police it

You're clearly new here Welcome to mumsnet - you might be in for a shock. You sound utterly charming

Batteriesallgone well said. It's a surprise whenever you find out and short of very rare conditions, it's either one or the other. I don't put baby's sex on a special pedestal, they're telling me head circumference and measuring heart rate so sex is just one more piece of information.
Find out or don't find out but it's not some sign of integrity to wait until the delivery.

@suburban & @veter u better get on this article and correct them ffs