Seriously on the fence... to find out sex or not

[eggsbenedict89]

Please help!
Was convinced that I wanted a surprise - however now that the 20 week scan is looming I feel like it could be a missed opportunity to bond with my baby not knowing the sex.

I think knowing would allow us to finalise names and get to prepare for that little person joining us.

Would really appreciate some honest thoughts and experiences...

In each of my 4 pregnancies and childbirths, wanting to know the sex gave me that extra incentive to push the child out. It enhanced my labours, if that makes sense. Enjoy your pregnancy and good luck when the time comes!

I'm sure you're dying to know what I had now!

I have twins (one of each as it turned out) and didn't want to find out the sex before hand.

Didn't impact bonding at all - after all humans have successfully bonded with their babies for thousands of years before ultrasound.

To be honest nothing really prepares your for your baby, it's always a bit of a shock (although wonderful of course).

However, the technology is available and of you want to do it go ahead.

There is no "wrong" answer here, do what makes you happy!

I didn't know with either of mine, and it was so great to find out at the end of all that pushing and effort. With both, I was the first to know, and it was a really special thing.

It also meant I'd bought some lovely neutral coloured stuff and didn't have a house full of sickly blue/pink stuff. It definitely didn't impact on pre-birth bonding - i thought of them as little people, I don't think they needed a sex at that point.

I am a midwife so I knew from my scans what I was having but I would have loved not to have known and it be a surprise.

To me finding out was extra special. Could not have imagined otherwise.
We painted and decorated the nursery and bought all the things knowing we are having a little boy. Doesnt mean we got all in blue, quite the opposite. But we didnt get anything pink 😊 we also settled on the name. It was a fantastic waiting time and really helped to bond an look forward to meeting my son.
Im now expecting a girl and so happy i know. Just decorating the nursery and sorting through my son's clothes to see what could be passed on to DD, and shopping for some new little things for a girl.
We are also talking to DS about the fact he will have a little sister soon so he will be more prepared.
Have friends who didnt find out and they have so much neutral beige stuff 😜

I would never ever find out the sex until the birth. Just something I wouldn't want to do.
I think it's far nicer to find out and have your baby right there in the room, than it is to find out and leave with only a photo.

We had anomaly scan today with DC2. With DC1 neither of us had any desire to find out, this time we've both wavered so much we ended up tossing a coin in the waiting room to decide for us!

As it goes the coin said find out and we still didn't. Sometimes it takes a coin toss result to make you realise what you definitely want.

Whatever you choose don't base it on motivation to push. From a mother who had a planned c section due to breech. If I'd been counting on finding out the sex as a fun surprise after labour it would have worsened the disappointment I already felt about having a section.

I didn't find out with either of mine. It was really important for me not to know. I'm not entirely sure why.

I think I wanted that "It's a ....." actually at the moment of birth. For me anyway.

These days I think most people find out. In my experience anyway. There's no right or wrong answer, but it does annoy me slightly when people who did find out say it meant they 'bonded' more with their child. I feel like it means that people who didn't just don't give quite as much of a shit

Said lightheartedly.

I couldn't wait to find out the sex of my two, never regretted my decision. Knowing before hand helped me to plan, buy clothing, choose their names etc. Not right for everyone, but the right thing for me.

I found out with all 3 of mine. It marked the 'half way' mark and, to be fair, it's a surprise no matter when you find out.

I found out with dc1, dc3 and dc5 but not with dc2 and dc4. With my older 4 DC there were advantages and disadvantages with both. With dc5 I was very ill after the birth with sepsis. My older DC met their new brother before I did. If we hadn't found out the sex beforehand then loads of people would have found out before me including people we didn't know very well like the dcs teachers (dc1 would have told everyone he knows!). I wouldn't have liked that at all. If I ever have any more babies I will be finding out the sex if I can.

I was undecided but DH pushed me to find out. He thought it woupd help him bond too. Not sure if knowing has helped him at all but he says it feels more real to him. Either way with names so many people have told me you can't really decide until you meet them and as for preparing, you can do a perfectly good choice in neutral colours. Our nursery is yellow and turquoise and won't need to be repainted if we have a boy in future.

I have two girls & currently having my third, I didn't want to know on me first and found it was added anticipation waiting for her to come & also more excitement for me but also once she was here being a girl I wanted all the frilly dresses etc & was a mad rush to get it all & 60% of the unisex stuff I'd bought never got worn, on my second & this one I thought it would be better for my first child to know if baby was a boy or girl before hand & and took her too my seconds gender scan & took her & my second girl to this ones gender scan, think its whatever works best for u and your situation but personally I love the not knowing

I found out, happy to know as I can get some summer things in the sales for next year. I felt instantly more bonded, plus got a little bit frustrated at the neutral items - where are mints, purples, and all the colours in between.

I didn't know with my first and loved the surprise at the end of all the hard work.
With my second I had recently qualified in ultrasound and saw he was a boy when I was having a sneaky peek one day. It wasn't the same knowing the sex so for my third I made sure I didn't have any sneaky peeks and told my colleague who did my 20 week scan I didn't want to know the sex.
In my opinion it's so much better not knowing.
In the trust where I work we have noticed a definite turn in favour of not finding out now when in the past the majority of parents wanted to know.

I am not finding out as I want the surprise. Plus I've know loads of people get told the wrong sex of the baby :/ as much as they loved the child they had they grieved a bit for the child they thought they were getting and had planned for . I'm happy with healthy!!

I found out because I didn't want to waste any more time than necessary arguing over shortlisting names, I wanted to refer to the baby as "he" or "she" rather than it, and I had a slight preference so I wanted to get over any potential disappointment way before the birth. (As it is I was slightly disappointed after finding out but thankfully got over it within 24 hours. And now can't imagine DS being anything other than himself!)

I didn't want gendered baby stuff so that wasn't a factor at all.

And I don't really understand the extra motivation to push argument... I was seriously motivated to push because I wanted labour to be over!! And meeting your baby is the most amazing thing, even if you know in advance whether the baby has a penis or a vagina.

Oh I forgot to mention the main reason. Because I'm impatient

We didn't find out, the hospital didn't ask if we wanted to either. It certainly doesn't affect the bond. I quite liked having neutral baby stuff, in fact a work friend gave me the most fabulous babygros with brightly coloured animals on which I loved. We got pink after DD was born (luckily I like the colour).

I found out with my first two but I have just had my 20 week scan and we haven't found out this time. I was wavering between wanting to know and wanting a surprise and only made my mind up in the moment I feel great now not knowing means I'm really looking forward to December, not that I wasn't anyway. If I'd found out I'm sure that would have been nice too. Just make the decision in the last minute.

Hugh (waves!)
Broody again already?!

I found out with both and LOVED knowing. It really was lovely knowing during the loooooong second half of the pregnancy when it all gets boring and endless. We could visualise the baby really well and really nail down names.

I found finding out very emotional. You come out of the room just dumbfounded. It's lovely.