Seriously on the fence... to find out sex or not

[eggsbenedict89]

Please help!
Was convinced that I wanted a surprise - however now that the 20 week scan is looming I feel like it could be a missed opportunity to bond with my baby not knowing the sex.

I think knowing would allow us to finalise names and get to prepare for that little person joining us.

Would really appreciate some honest thoughts and experiences...

I didn't know and I preferred not to.

I did shriek, "Is that a willy?!" as I looked down afterwards (I was secretly hoping for a boy).

"No, that's the umbilical cord." said the midwife, then held him up..."That's a willy though!", she grinned .

If you haven't decided by the time the scan comes around could you get them to write it in a card for you and seal it. Then it's up to you whether you read it at a later date. If you think you'd be too tempted to read it on a whim you could give the card to a friend to look after.

I enjoyed finding out as it meant I could enjoy the experience of finding out without everything else going on at the birth. And with both my two they were taken straight away to the paediatrician so I wouldn't have ever had baby being given straight to me to find out.

Noooooo! Giving birth hurts and you need a surprise to keep you going

I didn't!

So few mysteries in life, I didn't want to 'spoil the magic' of finding out in the delivery room what we'd had. Amazing amazing experience both times, for me and DP and also being able to call family with news of what we'd had was so exciting. All the best OP with whichever route you choose!

I found out with DD1 and have done with this one too. Didn't "spoil" the moment after DD1 was born as it's such a special moment seeing them and meeting them for the first time.
I can't wait for this one DS to be born, I get excited thinking what he'll look like and be like etc.
It was still a lovely moment finding out at the scan so don't think I've missed out. It just makes it more real for me and my OH that we can talk about he instead of it. Plus my DD1 loves knowing she's having a brother!

In my first 2 pregnancies I didn't find out, really wanted a surprise (I have 2 DS). This time round it will almost certainly be our last & I'm really tempted to find out! I just feel different about it.

I didnt find out with dc1 and did with dc2 and honestly didnt feel I had a better bond with the one I knew about.

I enjoyed the "its a girl" moment in the delivery room and would want that again if we had dc3.

I just don't really get the argument about finding out to "bond" with your baby. You'll bond when it's born!

I don't like finding out beforehand. For me, it's like you're just waiting another 20 weeks until the birth and then go, "ok, yep, here's Charlie," or whatever.

I prefer the idea of going through labour knowing that you're going up get this surprise at the end of it. It's lovely to give everyone else your news then, too.

I'm on my 3rd pregnancy and didn't find out with any of mine. Wasn't surprised with the first 2 being boys as I have 3 older sisters and between the 4 of us we currently have 6 boys and no girls so when first 2 came out as boys I wasn't surprised at all. Currently 38+5 with baby 3 and I will be surprised if this is a boy due to complete different pregnancy this time but knowing me that means it will be a boy.

My oldest 4 yr old boy is telling everyone it is a girl and if it is a boy it's to go back 😂 typical kids.

I didn't find out due to not wanting to know. I love surprises so that's great for me not knowing. I love the whole after the pain of labour getting a surprise and then still being able to do shopping etc once baby is here. There is so many lovely neutral baby clothes that I was happy with them.

Only got 2 days left to find out what this one is now 😁

Don't think there is a right and wrong answer and think it is down to personal choice for the couple themselves x

I didn't find out with either of mine as there are very few true surprises in life. Plus if I knew the gender I would have bought loads of clothes I didn't need. Not knowing I only bought minimum as white,grey and yellow stuff it's all that exciting so a couple of packs of £5 3 pk of white grows in first size was good enough. When they arrive you can get things plus you get gives from others.

We didn't find out for our first and won't be for our second. Not sure why, I just didn't see the need and liked the idea of waiting till the end. Thankfully DH was in agreement.

It bugs me a bit when people say they find out "because they want to be organised" like those of us who don't are living in complete disarray or something - it's perfectly possible to be organised without finding out the sex. But then I've never been a blue for boys/pink for girls person, so neutral decor/clothing isn't a problem.

Do whatever makes you happy. X

We didn't know we had a daughter until I gave birth, although that was 15 years ago and my local hospital had signs in the waiting area of the scan department stating they would not specify the sex. It was lovely to have the extra surprise at the end of a long labour.

This time round (I'm 26 weeks pregnant), we weren't sure and only decided to find out until mid scan. I've been quite anxious this pregnancy though as I bled at various points during the first trimester so feel that knowing we have a son on the way has helped settle me. The way I see it, I've just experienced that surprise of finding out a bit sooner, it hasn't made it any less joyful.

One of my friends was in your situation and asked the sonographer to write it down so that if they decided they wanted to know they could open the envelope.

They only lasted about an hour before giving in and opening it but at least it gave them the option of knowing or not.

I didnt find out with first and last baby, found out with middle. Tbh it was pointless me finding out. It stuck in my head that it wasnt a certainty so didnt fully 'expect' a little girl. I even stuck to neutral because of it. I loved not knowing with my other two, and I got to say "I was right" to my husband with them both

We found out because I absolutely hate surprises and anything unknown. I would have been a mess if I didn't know, that's just the kind of person I am. It would definitely not make any difference to bonding though and it didn't make a difference in labour for me, I was wanted to see my little girl.

I have thought that if we were ever to have a boy and expect again I might not find out as we would have boys and girls stuff at home already, but in reality that probably wouldn't happen!

I'm currently team yellow with 3 weeks to go and have found it really difficult not knowing. Yes, I can't wait for the surprise and the thought of having the surprise at the end of labour is enough to make me keep it a surprise but I will be honest when I say I've found it harder to bond with baby as I have no idea who is in there at the moment and it has given me a few down days here and there. I would say if you're not too fussed about feeling like you know exactly who is in your tummy until you give birth to them stay team yellow but if you think that may affect it then it may be best to find out as I know I have struggled big time. X