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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm so confused. Breastfeed, Formula, Mixed...

52 replies

OnNaturesCourse · 10/08/2017 13:49

So, back story first. There's a history of breast cancer in my family and this is weighing heavily on my mind when making this decision. I've read that to get the maximum benefit you have to breastfeed direct for a year, which is really putting me off.

I've looked into formula feeding briefly but in no great depth as I'm really looking for a way to use my breastmilk.

The mixed feeding sounds ideal but again I think I need to only breastfeed direct from the breast for the first 6 weeks? I wouldn't mind this for a week or so and I would then look to express only...personal reasons but I really don't want baby on the breast and reliant directly on me for too long. I want to use my breast milk but get baby on to feeding from bottles.

There's just so much information out there, and my midwife just keeps giving me leaflets. I just don't know what to do 😟

So I am basically looking for a way to use my breast milk but have baby on a bottle as soon as possible... And I think I'd be quicker looking for a magic unicorn 😟 Is there anywhere out there that's good for clear, direct advice / help?

OP posts:
mrsnec · 10/08/2017 14:10

Well you will be armed with as much info as possible for when the time comes .

My experience is that I wanted to breastfeed but couldn't. I gave up within two weeks both times. I thought mixed feeding would be ideal and my peadiatrician possitively encourages it but it wrecked my supply even more.

Everyone will tell you to bf as long as possible but once you settle into a routine you will know what's best for you.

HandbagFan · 10/08/2017 14:11

A bit different - we had latch problems a couple of days after DS was born - but I expressed for 9 months.

It's really hard work - 7 pumps a day on average on top of actually feeding the baby, nappies, housework, naps, cuddles, trying to have a life etc - but it meant DS got breastmilk for 9 months. We also topped up with formula as I didn't have enough supply but anyone could feed him either type of milk and he was happy and fed.

I would say don't get too fixed on a plan yet as you don't know what will happen or how you'll feel but I found the KellyMom site really helpful alongside the exclusive pumpers forum on babycentre.

haba · 10/08/2017 14:15

I agree that mixed feeding is worst, as you don't get enough stimulus to build your supply. Expressing can work well- I have colleagues that have expressed for months and months, but it is an unbelievable hassle.
What did you mean by only feeding direct from the breast for 6mo? Is that referring to cancer-avoidance?

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 10/08/2017 14:15

Thank you.

I just want the best for baby and me, but at the same time I mentally can't do it all on my own (breast feeding) and baby will potentially be staying away from home pretty early on.

OP posts:
haba · 10/08/2017 14:20

Is there a bf counsellor you can speak with, that can help with your specific situation? I appreciate you don't want to share, but it sounds complex, and generalisations aren't going to help you Flowers
They can help with how to express, what equipment/set-up you'll need too, and the ones at my clinic were very helpful and kind when we struggled (tongue-tie for dc2), they weren't pushy, or believed only they knew best, they were lovely and v supportive of my PNgroups' decisions re feeding.

PinkHeart5911 · 10/08/2017 14:21

I think the best thing is to be relaxed about it. For example say to yourself I'll try breastfeeding and see how I go, baby may have diffent ideas, it may or may not work out.

With ds (my first) He fed from breast for about 3 months, then I expressed all his milk until he was 14 months old.

With dd she fed from breast for about 9 weeks and then all milk was expressed and I am still expressing for her.

I am now expecting my 3rd and will be looking to express the milk after a few months.

My ds breastfed well and it was a dream really. With dd she was a little more difficult and we had some latch problems but that sorted itself out after a week or so. With expressing the milk, it wasn't something I got on with at first but once in a routine with it I didn't mind and I'm still express I got for dd so can't be that bad can it

mrsnec · 10/08/2017 14:24

I'm not in the UK and expressing was never mentioned to mr. For some reason I just didn't want to do it and I just couldn't get past that but it might work for you op and it might have helped me if I'd tried.

I was never agaonst the idea of formula though and both me and my babies had a shaky start and it improved things in the end but I was dissapointed in myself that I couldn't bf properly but at least I tried.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 10/08/2017 17:05

I really want to breast feed in some way for the health reasons especially given my family history, however it's my first child and there is a great history of PND in my family plus I am prone to extreme feelings so I know I will need help. I feel breastfeeding directly may put too much pressure on me if it goes on for months.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but it does in my head.

I haven't been told about a BF consultant but will look into it.

I have been quite relaxed about it thus far but my MW is starting to ask me questions as are family etc. Just feel clueless.

OP posts:
mimiholls · 10/08/2017 17:13

From my experience breastfeeding directly will be less stress and work than expressing, even if it does mean baby is more reliant on your presence. I expressed exclusively for 3 months and then mixed for a little longer. It was hell and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone- majorly time consuming and stressful. It is possible though if you are absolutely committed. You will need a hospital grade double pump which you can hire through the Medela website.

WellErrr · 10/08/2017 17:26

Congratulations!

The good news is, breastfeeding, once established, is by far the easiest way to feed your baby. Many women have no issues at all - babies generally know what to do.
If you do have problems, your midwife or HV should be able to help you, or refer you on to a lactation consultant who can.

Breastfeeding is the biological norm. The vast, vast majority, human babies do not do as well on cross species milk as they do on human milk. So human breastmilk should always be the first option for a baby. When considering what is best for your baby, WHO guidelines correctly state that it should be -

  • breastmilk directly from the mothers breast
  • expressed breastmilk from the mother
  • expressed donor breastmilk
  • cows milk formula

Feeding the baby directly from the breast is important because your body will take in the baby's saliva, and if it finds any germs or bugs, will engineer antibodies from your immune system to fight that particular bacteria/virus. This is one of the reasons that breastfed babies have fewer infections and illnesses than formula fed babies.

However, this doesn't mean that expressed milk isn't also incredibly beneficial - as well as handy when you need to be away from the baby.

If you introduce bottles of expressed milk at around 4 weeks old, you will have given your supply a chance to settle.

Good luck!

smerlin · 10/08/2017 17:37

My DD could not feed from the breast at all despite me producing oceans of milk so I expressed for her. Only managed to do it for three months as it is a major hassle but I am glad she got some rather than none. Preparing formula is a hassle as well tbh- I would have much preferred it if BF from breast had worked for us but it didn't and she is now nearly 4 and absolutely fine.

If you want to express, pumping moms and kellymom websites both have good advice. You need to start with a good double pump.

MySecretToTell · 10/08/2017 17:57

WellErr very well said Grin

Expressing is hard, time consuming and you may not be able to express much. Maybe consider expressing once a day to build a freezer supply for when you need to be away from baby. I personally found expressing very difficult, I never expressed more than an ounce at a time but breastfed my daughter until she was 2.5. If you think expressing will be easy think about the time to set up the pump, the time cleaning it, the time to actually express and weigh it against the time it takes to latch a baby on to the breast. I say that as someone who really struggled to feed for the first 2.5 months, really struggled but expressing would have been harder.

Oh also, keep an open mind, every baby is different and you have no idea how it'll work out or how you'll feel when baby is here.

Oysterbabe · 10/08/2017 18:05

I exclusively expressed for 6 months. My baby was in NICU to start with and unable to breastfeed then just never got the hang of it.
You need to hire a hospital grade pump and be prepared to express every 3 hours 24 hours a day for the first couple of months at least. It's the hardest way to feed your baby but you can certainly make it work.

WiIdfire · 10/08/2017 18:38

The main thing is not to make a firm decision. Don't decide exactly what you want to do as you might end up disappointed. Find out your options, as you are doing, but see how you get on. Some babies take to the breast easily, some don't, and really struggle to feed. If it goes well it can be far easier to breastfeed than to faff with making bottles of formula, if you struggle to feed, bottles may be easier. Expressing is probably the hardest work - again some people struggle to pump even the tiniest amounts, whereas others can produce two bottles full in 20 mins.

I think an important thing to know is that it takes about six weeks to establish a good supply of breast milk, and to really know if the baby will get the hang of feeding well. Perhaps one aim you could have would be to try to exclusively breastfeed for the first six weeks, so that you keep your options open. If you introduce formula earlier than that you might jeapordise your supply and leave you no choice. If you manage 6 weeks, then you'll establish your supply, have a good idea how bf'ing is working for you, and how it is impacting your mental health. After that point, try expressing and introducing a bottle of expressed milk, to allow the baby to get used to a bottle occasionally, and see how you get on expressing. After that, you'll know if you need to add in formula.

That would be my approach in your position. It is also worth looking up your local breastfeeding support groups as some support in the early weeks can make all the difference. It doesnt mean you cant introduce formula later to give yourself some freedom.

Good luck.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 10/08/2017 23:45

Thank you ladies.

I will be away from baby about 4 weeks after the birth (potentially) so I'm worried about the timing/milk drying up etc.

I think formula would work best given our circumstances but I really don't want to lose out on the health benefits for us both.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 11/08/2017 07:49

How long will you be away from the baby?

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 11/08/2017 07:56

Few days here and there.

After more thought last night I really don't think I can commit to breastfeeding and I'm truly gutted.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 11/08/2017 08:03

Why not just give it a go? You don't have to commit to it for months and years? Even just a few days for the colostrum? And then see how you feel?

TheNumberfaker · 11/08/2017 08:04

Just give it a go and see how you get on. Nothing would have separated me from my baby at 4 weeks for more than an hour or so. (Appendicitis did at 7months for DD2 though.)

Adviceplease360 · 11/08/2017 08:10

I also have a family history of breast cancer and there are definite benefits to nursing. I would start breastfeeding and see how you go, don't bother expressing it's the worst of both worlds. You may not have to leave the baby so don't worry about the unknown yet.

Isadora2007 · 11/08/2017 08:11

You can start to breastfeed and if its going well you could pump and dump or pump and freeze while away from your baby if needs be to keep up the supply.
PND can be brought on or influenced by not breastfeeding as the body "expects" to breastfeed after birth and can cause all kinds of hormonal shifts if you don't then do that.
There is also the cancer reducing effects for both you and baby and he fact you actually want to breastfeed at least initially is a great strength. Maybe just take things one day at a time for the first few weeks as even the colostrum and initial feeds are so very important and beneficial. It doesn't have to be so all or nothing as this sounds like it's very stressful for you.

Abrahamkin · 11/08/2017 08:40

It doesn't really have to be a big committment at this point to either way. If you want to try breastfeeding give it a go. Doesn't need to be either/or situation where what you decide at the beginning has to be maintained.

Don't worry about further down the line. With my DS I breastfed, but at 3 weeks really needed the sleep so my DH gave him a formula bottle for 2 nights (I find expressing really time consuming for very little output). Then I breastfed completely until around 7 months, when I was admitted urgently to hospital and DS took formula from my DH with no issues. I kept on breastfeeding for over 2 years, mainly as it was very convenient. But if you had asked me in the beginning I had no idea I would do it that long! It just worked for both of us. If it doesn't, you can stop.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 11/08/2017 08:44

Thanks all.

I am a little stressed as my MW seems to think I should have a solid idea of what I want to do by now and I should vocalise it so the hospital know my preference when the time comes. Yet she isn't the most forthcoming with information or support.

I've read you need to breast feed for approx 12 months to reep the benefits for yourself, but baby gets protection right away although it's still best you continue as long as possible.

I didn't know the link between PND and breast feeding however... That's interesting as I know close family members who suffered PND and couldn't breastfeed. I now wonder if that's one reason for it seemingly being so strong in my family.

OP posts:
haba · 11/08/2017 09:13

Our bf counsellors said that any BM was benefit to baby, even just one feed, so don't worry in that front. Flowers

WellErrr · 11/08/2017 09:29

After more thought last night I really don't think I can commit to breastfeeding and I'm truly gutted.

You only have to commit as far as the feed you're on. Every feed counts - particularly for the first few days. If you do nothing else, you should give your baby colostrum as the benefits will truly last a lifetime.

If your MW is pushing you to commit either way, she is wrong.

The best thing you can do is just put the baby to the breast as soon as possible after birth and see what happens. They generally know exactly what to do!
Have lots of skin to skin and put the baby to the breast whenever she starts putting her fists in her mouth, licking her lips or turning her head from side to side.

As long as you get plenty of wet nappies and a couple of hours sleep between feeds, they're getting enough.

Don't take formula to hospital. If you desperately need it, they will have it.

Only think as far ahead as the next feed, and don't heap pressure on yourself.

Breastfeeding is a natural biological function, on which the human race has depended for thousands of years. We don't get women stressing over 'oh god I hope my placenta comes away after the baby is born' because you just trust your body will do it. In the unlikely event that it doesn't, help is given.
Try to think of breastfeeding in the same way. Don't 'plan it' or 'commit to it.' Just let it happen.

One feed at a time - no need to think any further ahead than that Flowers