Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Not bonding with bump

31 replies

Cat2991 · 31/07/2017 16:54

So I'm 12 weeks, had 2 scans and I just don't feel excited when I see the baby :(

I have always worked with kids so thought I couldn't wait to have one, and now I am im so torn up about it!

I'm terrified of a mc but not interested in looking at or buying anything for the baby.

Anyone else been here? Does it change?! My partner is so excited at scans and all that goes through my head is "bollocks"

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WhyArePiratesCalledPirates · 31/07/2017 17:02

Yep. Pretty much the same. So scared I'm going to lose it but then I think of the future and I don't fancy that either.
I'm sure I will grow into loving it (And not have to take it anymore!) And time now. Maybe when it moves? Maybe naming it would help? I don't know. It sucks. Everyone is all gushy and excited and I'm just not.
No advice but you aren't alone.

Ecureuil · 31/07/2017 17:05

I definitely wasn't in any way bonded by 12 weeks. I just felt sick and knackered! In fact I wouldn't say I bonded until after the birth.

DoubleHelix79 · 31/07/2017 17:05

I don't think I felt anything resembling excitement until the 20-week scan (and even then it was fairly subdued). I was certainly never one of those women who talk to their bump and gush about how in love with their baby they are already. The fact that I previously had a miscarriage might have contributed a little to my lack of excitement, but I don't think I'd have been much different without it. I don't think you need to worry - I bonded fine with DD once she arrived.

Lemondrop99 · 31/07/2017 17:07

I was very anxious up until about 20 weeks. I thought I'd want to tell everyone after my 12 week scan, but found that I still didn't. The blob on the screen still didn't seem real. I waited until about 16 weeks and I still could really tell you why. It was that I wasn't excited, but my anxiety was the overriding emotion. I was also very ill with extreme sickness which made it a fairly miserable experience.

It all started to change for me once the 20 week anomaly scan was over and when baby started moving. That's when I managed to relax a bit more that baby was healthy and suddenly it seemed real. Around 24 weeks a switch flicked and I went shopping crazy!

It can be a bit surreal and stressful in the early stages. Plenty of time to bond with your bump. Don't worry yet.

EssentialHummus · 31/07/2017 17:07

I was the same. Am now 35 weeks. The excitement/anticipation has built up slowly. I'm not sure I'd say I've bonded with her, exactly; it's more a gradual anticipation of wanting to meet her, and enjoying my OH get excited about kicking.

You're doing just fine

BendydickCuminsnatch · 31/07/2017 17:09

IME yes it changes. The first trimester always makes me a paranoid, anxious wreck, and it gradually fades once into the second tri.

I'm 25?? weeks with DS2 now and just beginning to bond. 14 weeks til he's here, better get on with it

ImogenTubbs · 31/07/2017 17:14

Cut yourself some slack. Yes, it's normal. It's a massive thing to get your head around and you should expect a bumpy ride on the emotional front.

FWIW, I didn't properly bond with DD until she was about six weeks old (or was it three months? I forget!). I was too knackered and focusing on the practical.

Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well.

mrscropley · 31/07/2017 17:16

Are you hoping to find out the sex at the next scan? Personally I think this is a good way to bond if you choose a name and can imagine the individual in your life not just 'a baby'....
But I would say the majority of pregnant women think 'oh fuck' at some point during pregnancy. .

Original poster

Cat2991 · 31/07/2017 17:24

@whyarepiratescalledpirate! Deffo in that boat with you!

Thank you for the advice everyone! Nice to know I'm not Billy no mates in feeling like this!! Really hope it changes and soon as I don't want the start of what's supposed to be a amazing experience to be clouded like this! X

OP posts:

Kitslefttesty · 31/07/2017 17:34

I'm 13 weeks and scared to bond incase something goes wrong. After the 20 week scan I'm hoping I'll relax and start to get excited!

OuchBollocks · 31/07/2017 17:37

I didn't bond with either of my DC when all they were were my fat belly and tiredness. I wasn't excited at any point through my pregnancies. Now that they are people I love them to the ends of the earth, try not to worry too much. I suspect that bonding with a pregnancy is a very new idea.

squadronleader87 · 31/07/2017 19:06

I struggled to bond too and I wish there was more about this in the leaflets/books you get about pregnancy. I am 23wks and I'm finding things a lot better now I'm showing and can feel the baby move.

elpinguino · 31/07/2017 19:18

I felt just like you describe in those early stages, feeling really sick definitely didn't help, and I also had a lot of anxiety because of a previous miscarriage. But I'm now 35 weeks, and like a pp said the bond has built slowly to the point that I now love my bump, I love feeling the wriggles and I'm really protective of my baby-to-be. I'm not yet at the "I'm done with this, I just want to meet the baby now" stage, in fact I'm a bit worried I'll miss my bump after the birth, and I'm still a bit in denial about the reality of an actual baby to look after in a few weeks, but I'll get there. Point I'm trying to make, really ineloquently, is that you're doing just fine.

pippanippa · 31/07/2017 19:18

Please don't worry, I don't really get the whole pregnancy bonding thing. I never understood people rubbing their bellies / talking to bump etc. Pregnancy makes me sick, I don't enjoy it, and if I'm honest for me pregnancy feels a bit like being invaded by a parasitic entity, reminiscent of the Alien films! Towards the end of my last pregnancy I finally started to be able to visualise a baby and become excited, but I wouldn't say I bonded. That only happened really when my DD was born and I kissed her head for the first time and it got stronger every day afterwards. Everyone is different, don't worry

katerebeccaxxx · 31/07/2017 19:54

I felt exactly the same as this. when people used to tell me "when you see it on the screen the feeling is indescribable" and i never got that. I was relieved the baby was okay, but i wasn't at all excited. Really, the thought of it terrified me. It does get better though, i'm 19 weeks tomorrow and i feel much more positive and happier. i've even bought a few bits and bobs!

don't put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way, were all human and have different emotions and ways of coping. You will get there i promise 👍🏼

RandomDent · 31/07/2017 19:57

Hearing the heartbeat at the 16 week midwife appointment was much better than viewing a grainy blob on a scan.

But I'm not sure I ever bonded with the bump, in fact I'm still not sure what that really means and my youngest is 4 now!

NerrSnerr · 31/07/2017 20:02

I didn't 'bond' with either of mine when pregnant- pregnancy was just so horrendous. I bonded fine when they were born and was just so relieved I was as no longer pregnant.

clarebear1983 · 01/08/2017 08:43

I think when your worried about MC and things going wrong it's only natural that you 'detach' from the bump to protect yourself really. I know I did. Even when I had my baby in my arms I didn't really associate him with my old bump.

This time round I'm the same. I feel like a right wally talking to the bump. I think the further you progress the easier it becomes so don't worry.

LivininaBox · 01/08/2017 08:46

If it makes you feel better, when I went for my scan I was told I had to make a 5 pound donation if I wanted a print out of the picture, and I said I won't bother then. My DH was proper horrified!

Kittysparks1 · 01/08/2017 09:31

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and last night my partner joked and said "would you prefer to have a baby Sasha in there?" (Sasha is my dog) to which I enthusiastically said "yes omg that would be amazing, yes yes yes" like an excited child before I could even think. He said it's the most excited he has seen me about this pregnancy and was quite shocked!!!

I'm not concerned about my lack of bond with bump. It just doesn't feel real. I'm still in disbelief that an actual human being is in there.

Hopefully I'll bond once they arrive and I've got over my disappointment it isn't a puppy!

forfucksakejanet · 01/08/2017 10:17

37+2 here and no, I haven't 'bonded' with my enormous, wriggly, uncomfortable stomach.

Yes, I'm excited to meet him. Yes, I'm looking forward to knowing what he'll look like. But I was the same with DC1, it's not 'real' til they're here!

Don't be hard on yourself

Gothbaby · 01/08/2017 10:33

Don't be hard on yourself! around then I was still just vomiting and feeling like crap. It felt "real" at scan 20 weeks when I saw its little feet on the screen! But deffinatly think I only started bonding a month or so later when I actually started to feel it moving. Everyone is really different so be patient and don't be hard on yourself xxx

EssentialHummus · 01/08/2017 11:08

Hopefully I'll bond once they arrive and I've got over my disappointment it isn't a puppy!

We had the same conversation! I got a look when I said that tbh I'd really like a Rottie.

Nic0lajane · 29/08/2020 08:19

Hello, sorry I know this thread is old but I'm hoping you can still reply because I am feeling just like you did. Except Its my 2nd baby and with my 1st I was in love and bonded from the moment I found out. This time I feel so poorly and anxious and constantly second guessing if this is the right thing. I feel no excitement at all, just a bit trapped and worried. It's so alien for me as my 1st was such a wanted baby. I want to know if it changed for you as your pregnancy progressed? Or after your baby was born? I booked and paid a deposit on an early scan then didn't even go. The constant nausea is getting me down and I feel guilty on my 1st child that I'm not super fun mum right now 😞

BeMorePacific · 29/08/2020 08:33

@Nic0lajane not sure if this will help. But I was the other way around. I didn’t really bond with my bump in my 1st pregnancy. Especially early on! But as time progressed, my bump grew and baby started moving I felt more affection towards it.
Once baby was born it was completely different.
Try not to beat yourself up, there is no right way to feel xxx

Flip

1 2