Not bonding with bump

[Cat2991]

So I'm 12 weeks, had 2 scans and I just don't feel excited when I see the baby :(

I have always worked with kids so thought I couldn't wait to have one, and now I am im so torn up about it!

I'm terrified of a mc but not interested in looking at or buying anything for the baby.

Anyone else been here? Does it change?! My partner is so excited at scans and all that goes through my head is "bollocks"

For me, it didn’t really feel ‘real’ until the baby started kicking. Now when I can feel them in there, it’s easier to understand that there’s a person growing. Before, the idea that there was a human growing inside me was a bit unreal and weird.

Please don’t worry - there’s no ‘right’ way to bond, especially at this point where it’s all quite abstract! It doesn’t mean you won’t have an amazing bond with the baby when they’re born.

I was too scared of something going wrong to bond with m bump until a few weeks after I had my 20 week scan. Also there wasn't much to bond with by way of bump! I'm 21 weeks and the bump is beginning to show so there's something to bond with now if you see what I mean.

I felt exactly the same until we found out the sex of the baby at 18 weeks. We named him at about 22 weeks and from there things really started to change and I started to bond with him and get excited. Feeling movements really helped too - before that it was all so abstract I couldn't get my head round it, even though it was a planned pregnancy and I've always wanted to be a mum.

I didnt find out i was pregnant till week 15 and found it really scary as it was really surprise. I wasn't sure about it all. I'm an older mum, I had been drinking to much, fallen down stairs badly and worked on covid wards (as a researcher collecting samples). So I wanted to know my baby was fine before making the right choices. My mother in law hated that I didn't want anything in the house until I got everything confirmed by 24 weeks.

Thank you to all of you for reassuring me. I hope this happens to me too ❤️ its very hard when my feelings this time are so opposite xx

It’s a bump. Not a huge amount to bond with just yet! So totally normal. With my first, I didn’t buy anything till well after 20 weeks - it just didn’t seem necessary, buying stuff that I’d have to store for 4 months. This time round I’ve bought the things that we’ll need extra of (expecting twins, so bad to replace pram and get more car seats) at about 25/26 weeks. If you want to buy stuff early, that’s fine, and some people do get excited early on. But it’s really not a problem if you don’t feel like that just yet!

Personally, I didn’t feel strongly attached to DD1 until I was past 30 weeks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her to bits now, and it doesn’t make me a bad mum. Having a name picked out makes a bit of a difference I think, but it’s much easier to love something you can hold in your arms and look at.