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Original poster

Absolutely crapping my pants about telling work..... potentially today..... anyone!?!?!?!

27 replies

salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 10:33

Hello, written a few posts on this. Bit of an on going nightmare. Baring in mind I have major anxiety as it is. And now have a high risk MCDA twin pregnancy I'm worrying constantly about, plus worries about telling work now... potentially today!?
I think I am just super worried, as I've explained before I've been here since January this year, only this Tuesday I had my last 6 month probation review, paper work was signed by myself and my line manager... Ideally I wanted to wait until tomorrowto tell him, as I couldve come in first thing, and said I'd received my down syndrome bloods and they were fine, and that's why I'm telling now... (I took last friday morning off for 12 weeks scan) I'm 14 weeks now, and ideally telling him after the scan would've been best, but I thought I would wait until after review, anyway, now I have heard he is OFF tomorrow, and potentially monday, but I am having scan twice weekly and consultant visits so all appointments everywhere that start next week so I NEEDED to say this week really... So as he is off tomorrow, I am going to have to say I went home at lunch and saw the letter/pretend my other half text me he had seen it, and tell him THIS AFTERNOON. I was not ready for this, but know it needs to be done for appointments sake, taking time off, just nervous!?!?!?! And JUST had my review, freaking the hell out aaaaahhhhhhhh help me. Xx

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Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 11:24

Anyone x

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EllaNB · 13/07/2017 11:38

I haven't read any of your previous threads, but what are your main worries?

I am 33 weeks pregnant with identical
Twins and there are a lot of hospital appointments. It's best to just get it out in the open so you can start enjoying your pregnancy and stop stressing about work as well

RatherBeRiding · 13/07/2017 11:42

Sorry I've not read your other thread, but what exactly are you worried about?

Just tell them. What can they do?

Your pregnancy and health are the most important things. Are you worried they will say you should have told them sooner? That you've somehow been deceitful waiting until now? In which case - don't be. It's up to you when you tell your employer you're pregnant (unless you work in a high risk environment where it needs to be raised immediately so you can be moved to a safer environment), as far as I know.

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 11:43

Hello, sorry, yes they are identical so I now know I will have fortnightly appointments for scans and consultants as well as midwife ones so know I need to say.
I think my main worry is that I literally just had mmy 6 month last probation review tuesday, and just saying in general, like I don't talk to my manager all that much, he's going to think I just started this job and tried for a baby!?
How has your identical twin pregnancy been if you don't mind me asking? Are the mcda or dcda? Xx

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Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 11:45

Thank you ratherberiding, I think and know I am being completely ridiculous, they are my thoughts, I guess, that he will think I've been deceitful etc, I'm just going to have to do it, I'm so nervous. What if they find a reason to fire me? Fire me whilst I'm on mat leave? Arrgghh xx

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3luckystars · 13/07/2017 11:46

They will be delighted for you. Even if they are not, they will have to pretend they are!
It's great news altogether. Just tell them and get it over with.
Congratulations

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 11:48

I really really hope he pretends to be thrilled lol. I'm just so nervous about going to his office after lunch, asking if he's got a minute for a chat... how it's going to come out!? For some reason feel so guilty, I'm so awkward I feel like I'm going to cry. Xx

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RatherBeRiding · 13/07/2017 12:21

Just tell it like it is!

Say that obviously you've known a while, but equally obviously you wouldn't make any formal announcement until after your scan just in case there were early problems. Make it sound as though it is obvious that you wouldn't have rushed to announce a pregnancy to the world and his wife in the early stages. But that now you've had the latest results back you feel you can safely tell him you're pregnant. Oh and by the way it's a high risk pregnancy and I will be having rather more hospital appointments than the norm, but you trust he will be understanding of your position.

Whatever you do don't go in there feeling guilty and defensive. You've done absolutely nothing wrong and your employers would be idiots if they reacted with anything but delight!

And congratulations. Flowers

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 13:38

I've worked myself up all morning and now he's gone home sick today. Off tomorrow, potentially not around Monday hopefully he is, as I have two appointments next week and now I just need to get it out arrrgghhhhh xx

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tmc14 · 13/07/2017 14:25

Hello,
Can you tell HR today, then your boss when he's back? That's what I did as my boss was away and I needed time off for a scan.
I was a bit like you, I was 6 weeks out of my probation when I told them, I was 14 weeks then. I just laughed it off, said I knew it was terrible timing but we were feeling very lucky it had happened so quickly! Made lots of confident comments about prepping work for my cover & how it would work. Not sure how they really feel but they're pretending to be happy for me! Honestly, unless your work is horrid they will be absolutely fine with it.
Good luck, and remember, they legally have to be ok with it, and you're having twins! Which is so exciting & much bigger than the job.
xx

RatherBeRiding · 13/07/2017 14:50

Email it all to HR and cc boss- he may well be off but if he's anything like mine he will get work emails on his phone and will be constantly checking them.

Or - who do you report to in your boss's absence? Can you inform your boss's boss? Plus HR of course.

At least then it's done.

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 14:51

Thank you tmc14. I think I am just going to wait until Monday morning, and hope he is in and tell him straight away. As have appointments Tuesday and Thursday next week. I think I will just have to try and be positive and laugh it off too, it will be so much better once it's out... Must admit I am a little bit glad I can hold out again until Monday now, but it will be just as bad then, praying he is even in then. I may confide in a few girls at work tomorrow so I don't have to keep lying about 'feeling run down' and not going out for drinks. Friends and family are desperate to tell the world too, but may make them wait until next weeks scan. Honestly lol xx

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Redsippycup · 13/07/2017 14:56

Yep - tell HR. They will be the ones to sort out your absences with payroll anyway.

Tell boss when he is back. You can ask HR to tell boss for you if you want or tell them not to tell and you want to do it yourself on tuesday. It's up to you.

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 15:02

Hopefully, if he is in Monday, I can just tell him straight away. Just got the weekend to worry over now! Xx

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dippypanda · 13/07/2017 16:49

Hope it all goes well for you, I'm sure it will be fine so try not to worry.

I similarly fell pregnant quite early after starting with the company, however in my case I am HR!! But because I've got a background of recurrent mmc's I put off saying anything for a while until I knew all was ok, but it meant quite a few appts and I had to take quite a bit of time off. By the time I had confidence in the pregnancy I felt confident to tell the directors at work, however they had already guessed and they were thrilled for me.

My professional experience in most of the companies I've worked for is that most manager's are genuinely happy for their employees, yes it can mean some juggling around of roles/responsibilities but if they're advised early then usually it gives the manager and company enough time to prepare for it.

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 19:50

Yeah I do want to say as soon as possible! For my own reasons and to not be a nuisance. Monday morning it is everyone if he's in, fingers crossed! Xx

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emmaluggs · 13/07/2017 20:01

I was the same as you felt physically sick telling my boss, I was in tears worried about being sacked, all completely irrational and unfounded fears. Albeit he has somewhat switched off since my announcement, higher management are much more supportive. Honestly you just need to do it, the relief is immense! Go in with the mindset it's brilliant positive news and it makes the difference, remember you have nothing to apologise for too!

Original poster
salsasalsa · 13/07/2017 20:39

Thank you emmaluggs, so nice to know you felt the same, I know that huge wave of relief is just around the corner!!!! I actually know in the back of my mind my organisation and manager are way too good to be anything but proper and nice about it but me still so worried! It's ridiculous! Xx

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EllaNB · 14/07/2017 07:06

I really wouldn't worry to much, I am sure your employer will be happy for you and it's also normal to not tell your employer until after the 12 weeks scan. I think I informed my employer at about 14-15 weeks as I needed a bit of time to digest the news of learning that I was having twins at the 12 week scan.

My twins are the same as yours MCDA. Since 16 weeks I have had fortnightly appointments at the hospital which included scans and appointments with my consultant. My pregnancy has been a walk in the park (no sickness and able to carry out all my usual activities) until 32 weeks where it was identified that I have developed preeclampsia. I am currently being monitored in hospital and am 33 weeks pregnant today. Due to the twins being identical my due date was moved forward to 36 weeks so I am only 3 weeks off my expected delivery date. My doctors seem to think that we should be able to still make that date and not bring delivery forward. So at this stage I am just taking it one day at a time.

Original poster
salsasalsa · 14/07/2017 10:12

Yeah, however nervous I'm feeling about saying Monday morning now, I know it's an okay normal time to be telling, and I'm hoping for a positive reaction...

That's lovely to hear you are having the same kind of pregnancy, sorry if it has come across nosey, just hard to find similar situation pregnancies aroundd...

I have also had next to no sickness, however at my last scan last week at 14 weeks there was a growth difference of 9 days which has been playing on my mind greatly.
That sounds scary, I can't say I know anything about preeclampsia, but that is great that you are that far along? And that hopefully if any problems occur now they can be delivered healthily?
To be nosey again, have they advised/said it must be C section? And are you actually full on staying in hospital until then? Or in and out?
Sorry xx

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Migraleve · 14/07/2017 10:22

I can't see what the worry is tbh. You are an adult, you are pregnant and you have rights. All you do is inform your company, and then notify then when your appointments are upcoming. Certainly today I would be telling someone if they need to get cover for Tuesday though, it's a bit off to wait until Monday if they need time to make arrangements for your absence.

You are overthinking this massively, to work you are just a number and it is highly unlikely you will get a thrilled reaction from your boss. When he finds out you are pregnant his mind will go to professional maternity arrangement mode, not excited for mum to be.

What I mean is it really doesn't matter, it's not an emotional situation, for your employer it is a case of being practical and nothing more

Original poster
salsasalsa · 14/07/2017 10:38

Luckily my job is not so important, and it doesn't matter if I'm not in! So Monday will be fine.
I know, I wish I could have the positive, care free, optimistic, blahzay attitude I should, and would have had had my brain been wired differently, thank you :)

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Migraleve · 14/07/2017 12:37

I'm not having a go at you for feeling anxious btw, just trying to show it's really nothing to worry about

Original poster
salsasalsa · 14/07/2017 13:10

I know!! Believe me I feel ridiculous! But just need talking out of my craziness sometimes xx

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EllaNB · 15/07/2017 19:48

Sorry Salsa, just catching up with this thread.

I am out of hospital now, I got home yesterday and hopefully I will stay out of hospital now until the babies arrive!

I feel well and healthy today but I think with preeclampsia things can quickly change so I just have to go to the hospital every other day for monitoring.

I was told by my consultant at my 16 week appointment that I would have a vaginal birth if twin one was head down, if twin 1 was breach however I would be having a csection.

From what I have found from speaking to other expectant twin mums it seems to differ from hospital to hospital with regards to whether you will have a csection or not. My hospital is very pro vaginal birth and as my twins are both head down I believe that's the route I will be taking. I was told at the 16 week appointment that the babies would be delivered at 36 weeks either by csection or me being induced and delivery date wouldn't be confirmed until my 34 week appointment. My 34 week appointment is this coming Wednesday so I will know a bit more, I am not sure if me now having preeclampsia will change the original plan.

I was very worried earlier in the week but now I have had my steroids I feel more positive because if the babies do arrive earlier hopefully their lungs will have fully developed and babies will not have to spend much time in nicu.

As I said my pregnancy has been easy it's just now I'm finding it hard to walk and need several naps a day as I feel so exhausted.

Feel free to ask me any questions :) xxx

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