"Mummy, how did the baby get in your tummy?" - Help!

[PingusMistress]

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and my daughter has just turned 3 and is very curious.

She has asked me this twice in the last day and I just don't know what to say! Any advice?

Be careful with the old seed and egg story. When DS asked this age 3 he drew his own conclusions as to how it got there and asked very loudly on the way into nursery one morning 'what does the seed taste like when you swallow it mummy', cue much , followed by me frantically saying nooo that's not how the seed gets into mummy's tummy! He saved the 'but how exactly does the seed get to the egg' question until a few months ago whilst I was driving where I mumbled something about penises and vaginas and making love.

We gave our 4 & 5yo a basic summary - man's penis, woman's vagina, sperm sent to meet egg. Just asked 5yo who informed me that God put it there before going to find his human body book & opening it to the appropriate page. Then he ran around the room collecting objects for a demonstration... He located a half blown up globe & started squeezing it before flinging it to one side & declaring "and then eventually...", revealing a small plastic squirrel in his hand, "... The baby comes out!"

He's made me promise to talk more about how the body works tomorrow. He did recently ask me why daddy put his penis inside my vagina when he (DS) was asleep & concluded for himself that it must've been because we wanted it to be a surprise for him!

Just say "It grew from a tiny egg" - that is true. And is all she needs to know. If she wants more, tell her more, but the rule of thumb is to only answer the question you have been asked and not all the others that are stacking up in your mind.

But the word egg might need qualifying a bit, as most children imagine one with a shell on!

There is a lovely story called Where Willy Went about a sperm called Willy trying to swim to catch the prize of an egg. Factual but very child friendly.

I just told DS, then aged 3, that ladies had little eggs inside them, and men had little sperms, and if you mix them up inside mummy a baby will grow.

Sometime later (months or even a year or more), he asked how the sperm got inside mummy. I told him that they squirted out of daddy's willy. He seemed happy with that.,

At 7, we gave him a book - on MN recommendation- called "Where Willy Went", which he read from cover to cover, then asked lots of relevant questions.

We had an impromptu discussion about periods when he found a tampon in the glove compartment of my car. On the way back he was rummaging again, and found the rest of the box, and came out with "you've got a whole army of these little soldiers mummy!".

Crying at the magic wand conclusion

I got Mummy Laid an Egg after Ds1 came home from school a few weeks ago and asked if it was true that babies are made when the mummy swallows an egg as that what xxx says. He's 6 and knew a bit, enough to tell them all that wasn't right but now he knows the basic truth and I hope so do his classmates.

Looks like I'm behind the times DS knows a bit but not how it all gets in there "where willy went" might be appropriate. BTW any IVFers ever said anything other than the original plan?!

My dd's are 7 & 9 they asked me and I told them mummy and daddy had a special cuddle that made the baby. They were satisfied with that

We told DS that Mummy and Daddy have a special cuddle and that Daddy puts a seed in to mummy's tummy which mixes with the egg and makes a baby.

Once when arguing with his little brother, he announced to DH "This little disaster is all your fault Dad! Stop putting your seed in to Mummy!!!"

If he asks me specifically how the seed got there, I'll elaborate . Otherwise he's happy with that explanation.

My DD was 3 when she found out I was pregnant, 4 when DS was born. We told her the truth. Why wouldn't you? It's just biology. Why make up shite about wishes and belly buttons. Most 3yr olds will be happy with the basics. A tiny egg from a woman and something called a sperm from a man mix together and grow into a baby inside a woman. Then answer any questions as they arise.

At 4 DD knew all about placentas and amniotic fluid. And lungs and kidneys. And nostrils and toes. All just biology.

Meh, just answer the question you're asked- no "special seed" & belly button stuff.

How did the baby get in there?
It grew from a tiny egg from me and a seed from Daddy.

The "how does the seed get in" has to be answered truthfully, I think - and most DC will then conclude that it's disgusting, unbelievable or both.

Ditto "how will the baby get out?" You need to answer with no "bottom" confusion!

DrSeuss,

Ha!
I remember the couple in that book certainly set the bar of expectation high...

Yet to give birth to my child so maybe I'll feel differently when she asks me, but when I asked my mum (age 4ish?) she just told me the facts. Nothing too graphic but the facts and that was that. No storks, no belly buttons, no special cuddles. Didnt scar me for life or anything.

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice and highly amusing stories!

I just panicked a bit when she asked because I want to be truthful, but it needs to be in words that a 37 month old will understand. Great advice to just stick to answering the question! She does have a tendency to repeat anything I tell her to random strangers in the street/park/supermarket too, so probably best not to be too graphic!

And if she saw the page in that book she would think it looked like great fun and ask to join in!

^ OP,

Yes, sorry, should have reassured you that particular book's aimed at ages 5/ 6ish and older.

I suspect the author/ illustrator (Babette Cole) included the...um... adventurous "fitting together" pictures more to lighten the mood for the adults, whilst they broached what can be a tricky subject for some!
(space hoppers, anyone?).

I grew up with medics in the family, so factual terms were our norm: we never had "the talk", as such. Just ongoing learning about which things do what.

TBH, there shouldn't be any reason to feel awkward when biological terms such as "vagina", "vulva", "penis" etc. are parroted by a small child in an innocent I Know How Babies Are Made-type way to lucky old Jean on the checkout at Sainsbury's (though I understand maybe Jean might feel otherwise! And parents, too; in the end, it comes down to whatever vocab you and your family are most comfortable with).

Nursery age, when baby bro was on his way:
According to her, curious questions from me were simply answered that every bit of the body had its own important job to do.

"Daddy gave me a tiny seed ('some people call it sperm') which mixed with a tiny egg ('some people call it an ovum') from me.
This makes the baby, who's growing bigger in a special place called a womb (more likely uterus, knowing my Mum!), not my stomach/ tummy".

^ To clarify: that should read "according to my DM", not implying lucky old Jean on the checkout at Sainsbury's enlightened me about early years sex ed

Hi

I would really recommend this lovely picture book which gives them all the facts but in an age appropriate way. I found it very helpful for my then 5 year old son when I was pregnant with his little brother!

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0749656611/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499276061&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=how+did+i+begin&dpPl=1&dpID=51QZ0KYVXML&ref=plSrch&tag=mumsnetforum-21

No advice, sorry, as my DS has never asked about it. He did however say last week
DS 'I know how babies are born, Mam'
Me: Do you
DS: Yes, they come out of the mammys belly button, with TWEEZERS.

I had to stifle my laugh but my DH thought it was hilarious. I just muttered 'if only son, if only.' He's doing life cycles at school anyway so suspect he has a good idea of what goes on

We used the Mummy Laid an egg book too, although skipped the shagging clowns page!

I remember believing that the woman automatically got a baby in her tummy when the man put a ring on her finger Also that it had something to do with bellybuttons. All very confusing for a small child!
Not sure where that info came from as I'm not from a particularly religious/traditional/prudish family but definitely could have done with better early sex ed!

One of my children worked it out for herself, aged 3:
DC: 'Delia's mummy has a baby in her tummy.'
Me: 'Oh.'
DC: 'Yes, and the baby's nearly ready to be born.'
Me: 'That's nice.'
DC: 'Yes, it's getting really big now.'
Me: 'Hmm.'
DC: 'Delia's mummy put it in a long time ago.'
Me: (wondering what information she had, exactly): 'Oh, and how did Delia's mummy get it in her tummy in the first place?'
DC: 'She took her head off, of course!'
Me (thinks carefully about how to tell DC the truth!: ...

DS is a bit young to ask this question yet, although he has recently be learning about boys vs girls and, on learning that sadly I do not have a penis, offered to get me one later and put it on with a screwdriver. (He believes screwdrivers are key to fixing anything broken.)