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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

SOICAL services rang nervous

62 replies

user1496701154 · 30/06/2017 15:31

Me and my other half both have anxiety and depression now am 31 weeks pregnant and social services have rang me I am so.nervous. I have a past of physical abuse although I have not seen that person in years. They want to.come for a home visit does anyone know what this initials. I am looking forward to becoming a mam and so is my partner to become a dad. I love my little girl so much already.

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chipscheeseandgravy · 30/06/2017 23:25

Don't see them as an enemy. They will asses how you live, and if you need further support. That may be practically, so learning (for some people) how to look after themselves (so the basics of keeping themselves clean and their home tidy), for others it will be emotional support.

They will want to know what (if any) contact you have with your ex (essentially does (s)he have any contact with you). They will want to understand your mental health issues (do you need constant support or can you live independently with limited support from them - so will a named contact be the best way forward who you can call if things start getting hard).

Social services will want to keep you as a family unit, they will NOT want to take your baby away. There isn't enough families to support the children already in the system. They don't have targets to keep as I've seen someone suggest before.

Use them as a resource, don't be scared, and if they ask questions, answer them honestly.

Your house doesn't need to be showroom conditions, if you have left a couple of mugs in the sink that's fine. If they have to clamber across 20 years worth of metro newspapers they probably will want to support you more.

You will probably also find you may see more of your health visitor once the baby arrives than other families, again they are there with your best interest at heart. If you don't answer the door and cancel appointments they will see that as a red flag, if you answer the door in your pjs with baby vom on your top (like I did Wink) they will see that as normal! They will work with social services. Assuming they have no cause for concern they will have less contact with you unless you ask for it.

Good luck oo :)

user1496701154 · 30/06/2017 23:30

No contract with any ex's or my abuser since 16 years old and I am now 25 well 26 next week and in a very happy and loving relationship. Having been with my guy for 7 years now we are both excited.

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GuntyMcGee · 01/07/2017 00:14

Congratulations OP.

Try not to worry too much, the home visit will be an informal chat at home about you, your history, your partner, what plans you have and how you're planning to cope with a baby. Yes they will be looking at the home environment, but from a 'is it safe' viewpoint, rather than is it immaculately clean. They want to work with you to support you if that's what you need.

Be yourself, remember that they're there to help and support you if needed and above all else, be honest and co-operative. They want the best outcome for you and your baby, the same as you do.

You'll always hear stories of people claiming that SS took their children. In reality, this isn't common practise, is very difficult to do legally and involves a long process whereby parents are given opportunities to make changes to ensure the safety and wellbeing of their kids, yet either don't engage with services or don't comply with child in need and child protection plans and that's why the law then has to become involved.

In this situation, it's not just a social worker who decides what happens to that child - case conferences are held, with parents and all professionals who are involved with the child and it is at conference that plans are made to help the family and/or decisions to remove the child are made before they then go to court. It's not an easy thing to remove a child and there are lots of people involved in the process, not just a group of evil social workers who have an agenda. Ultimately, it is the decision of court to remove a child based on the evidence they have been provided regarding the risk to the child and the willingness of the parents to comply and make changes. Children being removed isn't a common thing as the focus of social services is supporting families.

Ultimately, social services want happy, healthy children with happy, healthy parents at home, together as a family unit.

And those bashing social services and the process, shame on you. No process is perfect and it is ever evolving but trying to frighten someone, who is already vulnerable, into being fearful of SS is pretty poor; especially when the opinions you have are based on second hand experiences and what you've heard in the press (of which you'll never know the full story). If you'd ever sat on a safeguarding children study day or ever been to case conference you'd have a different view of those who work hard to protect children.

Anyway, OP, apologies for derailing a little.

As it stands, treat it as an opportunity to gain extra help if you need it, or an inroad into help if you need it in the future, try not to see it as a negative thing.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/07/2017 00:52

These cases are in no way similar to yours

Which is why you should just stop posting rubyfeet, as you're bringing nothing of any use to this thread.

CL1982 · 01/07/2017 11:15

My mum worked for social services for over 40 years and did a lot of amazing work. It's a hard and thankless job where you see some devastating things (I still don't know how she came home to two children and was able to be jolly and great with us some days) and sadly like all jobs there are people who are better and worse at doing it. They are under funded, under staffed, under paid and expected to work miracles in very sensitive, very complex cases. My mum would often come home banging her head against a wall due to a decision from government or management. I hope it all goes well OP. Remember, they're always there to support you and in all cases they always work to support Birth mums as much as they can.

UnbornMortificado · 01/07/2017 11:19

Hope you feel a bit better and the advice from posters with experience in the field has helped Flowers

Parenting can be hard with MH issues same as it would be with physical problems I imagine but lots of people manage it. I have a really good relationship with both my DD's.

I'm sure you will both make lovely parents. The only thing I'd say is keep an extra close eye out for PND, it's very common and when you've already got MH issues it can make things worse.

yellowpolka · 01/07/2017 15:26

I had SS involved as I was a single mum with severe depression and anxiety. They have the power to push things along so think about what you want to get out of it, especially with your housing being unsuitable. They managed to get me a new ground floor council flat near my parents under a social need priority, which would have been impossible to get otherwise as we're in London. Also I got a payment for new appliances and furniture, and leapfrogged to the top of the list for psychotherapy and art therapy. Don't put too much of a brave face on though as their resources are tight, and if it looks like you're managing OK they'll just close your case quickly so they can deal with other cases.

user1496701154 · 01/07/2017 15:28

I understand that just want it done house is all tidy anyways I like been tidy. Bar all baby items in living room at moment as wanting to move but beyond that it's all good. Thanks everyone.

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CL1982 · 01/07/2017 15:59

Please don't tell me someone posted the Daily Fail as a good example of issues with social services.... Hmm

user1496701154 · 01/07/2017 16:48

Hopefully they help us with housing then as we have been trying to move since we got this place to a smaller more suitable place as we would call it. We want to be moved before our daughter is born. We are both looking forward to becoming parents and can't wait to meet our little girl and bring her home we have her Moses basket there, toys, clothes, alsorts I still after some items but that's normal getting them on order and that. So we are prepared and even have arrangement made of how to get back from hospital with a family member who drives so it's all good that way and I think personally very positive. As people can tell I am excited to become a mama.

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UnbornMortificado · 01/07/2017 17:14

Just don't be scared of Children's services like PP's have said they are there to help. There are some lovely posters on here who work for them and are always happy to give advice.

user1496701154 · 02/07/2017 17:44

Thanks for your post this has helped. They seemed pm on phone and happy that I'd attend all my appointments. Our house is tidy although in process of trying to move out of it. We have our stuff for little girl bar a few things which I am getting soon. She has her Moses basket here,travel system, toys, clothes, nappies, bottles. I am planning on breastfeeding so need a few other things bit going to also get milk in case she doesn't take. I haven't felt down in a long time all I am is excited to be a mama and bring my little girl home. I love been pregnant but now it's a can't wait to see what she looks like.

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