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Original poster

Has Midwife Ruined Gender Surprise?

29 replies

ally1986 · 19/06/2017 12:37

Hi all,

I was just wondering if anyone knew if the baby's sex is recorded on the hospital's records/notes?

We chose not to find out the sex of our baby at the ultrasound, but I recently went into hospital for a CTG and saw a midwife I'd never seen before. She was there with me listening to the baby's heartbeat and was making conversation and said to me 'so you know you are having a boy then?'. I told her that we didn't know the sex and she changed the subject.

I told my usual midwife this during a routine antenatal appointment after and she seemed to think this midwife has ruined the surprise!

I didn't think they were allowed to record the sex anywhere (in case they were wrong?), so perhaps this midwife was just guessing from the heartbeat or maybe she had me confused with someone else?!

But now I'm the confused one! I suppose I should have questioned her at the time but I didn't want to know!!

Thanks all!! X

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scaredofthecity · 19/06/2017 12:42

I think it's more likely she has you confused with someone else.

CryingShame · 19/06/2017 12:43

Congratulations on your pregnancy ally.

It wouldn't surprise me if gender was recorded - there are medical conditions which only affect one gender, for example, and it would be useful for medical staff to be aware of that.

We asked to know the gender, but I was then told again by a sonographer doing a kidney scan late in pregnancy as he could see DS as well as my kidneys; it was a similar "you know you're having a boy" type conversation, but I did think "what would happen if I'd chosen not to know?"

sleepyhead · 19/06/2017 12:44

Unless you had an amnio, it's all just a best guess so I can't imagine they'd bother writing anything down.

Mustbeinsane1984 · 19/06/2017 12:58

I don't think it is noted anywhere. So maybe she is confusing you with someone else.

Our surprise was ruined with our first DS by the consultant. We chose not to find out but at a routine appointment about 24 weeks she just said came out with 'it's a boy' Both my husband and I looked at each other and were disappointed but it was done then.

Original poster
ally1986 · 19/06/2017 12:58

Well I'm so convinced now that it's a boy, that if it's a girl it will be a massive surprise!!

Not long to find out now anyway!! The sooner the better in this heat Blush

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Floggingmolly · 19/06/2017 13:00

You were probably the 25th person she'd dealt with that day, give her a break.

chipscheeseandgravy · 19/06/2017 13:08

Maybe she knew it was a girl, so said boy to throw you off completely. Wink. I've heard that boy/girl heart beats are different.

I don't think they record it. Every appointment I had included 'so do you know what your having' I assume they don't write it down so parents can't say anything when little Jonny arrives with his little penis.

Original poster
ally1986 · 19/06/2017 13:09

At no point have I criticised what she said or said she was out of order. I was just asking a question...

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Original poster
ally1986 · 19/06/2017 13:12

Yeah I wondered if she was going off the heartbeat, but even then they can't be sure! My midwife always checks and says 'you don't know what you are having, do you?'

Like I said, I should have asked her but I was a bit shocked and she changed the subject!!

OP posts:
Jellybabie3 · 19/06/2017 13:13

My notes say we are having a boy but we said we wanted to know.

Jellybabie3 · 19/06/2017 13:14

Its on his 20 week scan form

user1497802451 · 19/06/2017 14:06

I had the same thing with my midwife. At 38 weeks she listened to the heart beat and referred to the baby as she. I was so upset she had spoilt it. Imagine my surprise whenI had a boy! When I saw her for follow up appointments she said she just likes to guess using the heart beat and has an 80% success rate. She was gutted she was wrong! It was not in my notes anywhere. I guess I should have just asked why she was referring to it as a girl but I remember being too upset! Don't read anything into it. It will still be a surprise!

Emma2803 · 19/06/2017 20:21

I wouldn't worry too much, it wasn't recorded anywhere in my notes, probably mistook you for someone else

Lj8893 · 19/06/2017 20:24

I'm a student mw and have never seen gender recorded on any notes.

17caterpillars1mouse · 19/06/2017 20:28

Don't know if it is recorded but I had similar as midwife told me she was 99% sure I was having a girl based on heartbeat right after I told her we weren't finding out the gender and couldn't wait for the surprise. I had a girl

Redken24 · 19/06/2017 20:32

Hca said boy at our first scan after we said we didn't get want to know. She kept saying awe he this he's that.
We had a wee girl.

Orangebird69 · 19/06/2017 20:42

I went through my pregnancy outside the uk. We could've known from 13 weeks if we'd wanted to as we had the MaterniT21 test done. We said we wanted a surprise so my Obstetrician just confirmed that there were no abnormalities from the test but didn't show us the report as it confirmed the sex. Roll on to the 20 week scan - he did all the important observations etc first. Then said 'so, we know you're having a boy, but let's just confirm it!'. He was looking at the monitor when he said it. I was looking at him... his face just fell. I felt so sorry for him. 7 weeks and hundreds of clients, I really couldn't be mad at him. I wasn't disappointed to find out tbh Grin. I thanked him for his time and gave him a hug when my appointment ended. I hope he didn't feel too bad!

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 19/06/2017 20:50

In my notes it was written down - female genitalia. We did ask to know but I can't remember seeing anything in my notes for ds and we knew he was going to be a boy.

DrG13 · 19/06/2017 21:54

It was definitely recorded on my sister's notes somewhere. She didn't find out what sex she was having but I was a birth partner and saw 'baby boy of [my sister]' hospital tags in the cot as they brought it in at the final stages of labour, before the birth. So they knew!

LadyTennantofTardis · 19/06/2017 22:27

From what she said, I would guess she either thought you said, or you did say 'he' at some point during the conversation. I used to do that all the time, but didn't realise until my DH said I had been saying he for months when we found out ours is a girl.

Original poster
ally1986 · 20/06/2017 07:48

LadyTennantofTardis - that actually makes perfect sense. I went in as I'd had reduced movements so probably said something about not feeling 'him' move. It never even occurred to me!

I'm 39 weeks now so not long to find out. Thanks everyone for your replies!

OP posts:
LadyTennantofTardis · 20/06/2017 19:24

Good luck. I'm about to meet mine, been having contractions all day, off to hospital in an hour or so.

Original poster
ally1986 · 20/06/2017 21:56

Oh wow!! Good luck!!

OP posts:
Mandraki · 21/06/2017 07:16

My baby's gender has been recorded in my notes so she may well know if you're having a boy. However maybe you called your baby 'he' (as I did before I found out she is a girl) and she assumed you knew or just assumed that's what you're having (without checking your file) if you know what I mean. Congrats on the pregnancy either way!

NorthernLurker · 21/06/2017 07:26

We had a specialist heart scan with dd3 as dd2 has a congenital heart defect. The consultant sonography did say 'she' will be thoroughly checked when she is born whilst explaining that everything looked fine but they couldn't be 100%. We wondered if that was because she'd seen the sex during the scan or because she just picked one rather than saying 'baby'.

She was indeed a girl and it didn't spoil the surprise at all. Good luck op and all others delivering soon Smile