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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should I plan my pregnancy around a family wedding??

36 replies

StarsShiningBrightAboveYou · 19/06/2017 11:24

Would be grateful for any advice or stories from those who have been / are facing a similar conundrum....

My sister is getting married next Autumn and has asked me to be maid of honour. Only issue is DH and I had hoped to start trying for baby #2 early next year which would mean I would most likely be pregnant for her wedding. If I am pregnant I feel I wouldn't enjoy her day in the way I would like (drinking/dancing/looking my best etc) which really makes me feel sad. She looked incredible on my wedding day and stayed up all night partying with our friends and I am desperate to do the same at her wedding.

So... I postpone trying to conceive until after her wedding?? I am in my mid 30s now so hesitant to wait but perhaps this is best? Or should we try and get pregnant ASAP this year to then make sure the baby is born and I've had a chance to recover physically/mentally and lose some baby weight etc before her wedding???

Of course the other option is just to go with the flow and if I end up being heavily pregnant or recently having given birth around the time of her wedding just deal with it but this really doesn't appeal to me very much! How many times in your life do you get to have a star role at a beautiful and important occasion like this? She is my only sibling so this is pretty much it for me and I want to be on my best form!!

I feel so unsure about what to do. I'm not quite ready to be pregnant again hence why I was hoping to wait to conceive for another few months while I get in the right frame of mind for pregnancy and also get my body ready by going on a major health kick (I am quite overweight right now and not very healthy so not ideal environment in my body to grow a baby!!).

Please help - keen to hear from anyone who has been pregnant for a major family event or important occasion and how did it go? Also keen to hear helpful advice from anyone really. Thank you!

OP posts:

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KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 19/06/2017 11:26

I don't think you should plan your life around someone else's day.

ThreeForAPound · 19/06/2017 11:27

Honestly? I don't think delaying getting pregnant in your mid-30s is a good way to go. I wouldn't, anyway.

I was heavily pregnant at a close friend's wedding, and while I didn't get to booze and was in bed by midnight, I still dressed up, danced and had a lot of fun .

RatherBeRiding · 19/06/2017 11:29

Looking good at someone else's wedding vs. having a wanted & planned baby?

No contest.

But that's me. I would never plan something so important to me around someone else's timescales. If you want to try to get pregnant again, then do so and cross any imagined bridges such as not being able to drink etc etc when (if) you come to them.

You have absolutely no idea what the future might hold, so trying to second guess it seems somewhat futile.

elQuintoConyo · 19/06/2017 11:29

Just from your thread title alone I'd say 'no'.

The basics of a wedding are 'giant party'. Whether that means you can do all the MOH stuff and drink the BestMan under the table while singing Agadoo, quietly sitting with nausea and a fixed smile trying not to vom, or dashing out of the ceremony with a newborn/crying baby.

There is no way on earth I would want anyone - least of all my sister - putting off ttc for my wedding.

A wedding is just a day. Honestly if your sister is the type to make a big thing about you cancelling moh duties or whatever, then she's an eejit.

OliveSoap · 19/06/2017 11:31

You'd be crazy to delay trying to conceive for someone's wedding.

Abetes · 19/06/2017 11:31

No of course not.

SweetLuck · 19/06/2017 11:34

Nope. You seem pretty certain that you would conceive straight away. How likely is that?

Grainfail · 19/06/2017 11:40

I did as my brother was getting married abroad where he lives and I really wanted to go. We had planned to try for a few months before so that if we were to travel baby would be old enough to come (long-haul flight). We planned a break if a couple of months so I wouldn't miss it from being too pregnant to travel or with a brand new baby. It ended up that I was 5 months pregnant and a bridesmaid. Granted I had a straightforward pregnancy but I had a ball. I was one of the last ones up and spent most of the night on the dance floor. My aunts couldn't believe it but it was hard not to get swept up in the energy of the day and I felt fine.
It's a very personal decision however but seems like you'd be able to go unless it clashed with your due dates so I'd just go with the flow and maybe hold off for one month so (assuming all good) you wouldn't be liable to give birth in the couple of weeks before/after.

Leonardo44 · 19/06/2017 11:45

I think you'd be crazy to delay things for your own wedding, let alone someone else's.

BasinHaircut · 19/06/2017 11:51

It's totally your choice TBH. There is no right answer.

But break it down and ask WHY you don't want to be pregnant at the wedding. You can still look great when pregnant, you can still be MOH, you might just need to delegate a few things depending on what she is expecting of you (I.e. No heavy lifting or being responsible for great uncle Norman the drunken perv). You can still dance and have a great time.

Family weddings are fine when you are pregnant as you will know loads of people and so it will be a lovely day (unless you have a nightmare family).

I think it's highly unlikely, unless she she totally unreasonable, whether you sister will care or even notice on the day whether you sit out of 'oops upside your head' because you won't be able to get up again after.

If it means that much to you by all means wait. But how would you feel if you had trouble TTC and waiting a year imoacted in your ability to have another child?

missmillimentscardigan · 19/06/2017 12:03

I was pregnant at my brother's wedding and had a great time. I also wasn't able to attend my SIL's wedding as I was very heavily pregnant and wedding was abroad. SIL was absolutely furious that I was pg in the same year as her wedding as I was apparently trying to steal her thunder , but there's no way I would have waited the best part of a year to ttc because of anyone's wedding. It's just a day after all. You can't compare it with having a baby.

AnUtterIdiot · 19/06/2017 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnaT45 · 19/06/2017 12:28

I've been pregnant at loads of wedding including being a bridesmaid and my sisters. I've had a blast at them all and no hangover!

Unless you're worried about a complicated pregnancy which you didn't mention I think you're over thinking it.

BertieBotts · 19/06/2017 12:31

No. You have no idea how long it will take. We've been ttc since March of last year and are only in our late 20s.

Don't plan your TTC around other things. If it won't be a disaster to be pregnant, then stop using contraception and see what happens. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise, not only worrying about this event or that event, but also every month after the first couple that it doesn't happen, you can end up with your whole lives being related to ttc which is stifling. Then if it does take you a while and you have taken breaks you'll be annoyed at all the time you wasted.

eurochick · 19/06/2017 12:33

Delaying for a year and a half when you are already in your mid thirties seems crazy to me.

Weebitty · 19/06/2017 12:36

I had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year when we ended up roughly 10 months before my only sisters wedding. I toyed with stopping as I was bridesmaid etc but I didn't. That was the month we conceived dd. I had her 4. Weeks before the wedding and we still had a lovely day. I didn't drink though as feeding/knackered and we left after the first dance. But do you know what? The wedding was just one day...i have dd now everyday and that's far more important

Pickerel · 19/06/2017 12:37

I was pregnant at my brother's wedding and I still had a lovely day. Although my mum did suggest that I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant for thunder stealing reasons (there was a clear bump by that stage!!).

Personally, there's no way I'd put off TTC for over a year just for someone else's wedding. Can you talk to your sister and explain how you feel?

RaeSkywalker · 19/06/2017 12:46

I wouldn't put it off. I was (very heavily) pregnant at a close friend's wedding in October, and for her hen weekend the month before. I was tired but still had a lovely time!

tootsieglitterballs · 19/06/2017 12:50

Don't put it off - and actually, I'd start trying sooner rather than later as you just don't know how long it may take you to fall pregnant. Worst case, you fall pregnant and are due on her wedding date! Best case, it all happens at the right time.

A friend has kept putting it off due to weddings, holidays, moving and to be totally honest, she is having real trouble falling pregnant.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 19/06/2017 13:05

I would say don't delay... you dont know how long it will take you to fall pregnant anyway, especially if their are health concerns. I was heavily pregnant at my own wedding and promise I still.wore stillettos looked great and danced the evening away :)

TheCraicDealer · 19/06/2017 13:11

My sister is going to be 8 months gone at mine. Honestly, wedding or baby...no contest. I would maybe take precautions for the weeks where you being very heavily pregnant/in labour (assuming a FT pregnancy of course) would be an issue as it's clearly important to you, but beyond that I really don't think you should delay on the basis you might want to have a few glasses of prosecco.

wellhonestly · 19/06/2017 13:23

We organised our wedding in 6 weeks so my pregnant sister-in-law would be able to attend, because we figured it would be easier than later on when she couldn't fly or was wrangling a newborn. not helpful

However I wouldn't myself have put off ttc for a social event.

Doughnutsandrainbows · 19/06/2017 13:43

I'm going to be bridesmaid for best friend at 38+5... agreed before i found out! We very much have an understanding that I will do all I can in the run up, (mathe leave may come in very useful!) But on the day will be played by ear... the worst part has been finding a dress!!

KCpip · 19/06/2017 13:52

I was about 7/8 months pregnant at my best friend's wedding and was also her bridesmaid. I was worried I wouldn't enjoy the day as much (mainly having a good drink and dance) but to be honest it was fine. There was so much going on that I really just enjoyed the day and think I was still one of the last to leave. Think adrenaline kept me going the whole day and the days following I totally flopped out and recovered from all the excitement (minus the hangover- bonus!) You should just carry on with your life. What if they end up changing the date?! Changing their minds?! You can't really delay your life for someone else's big day .

Sparklyuggs · 19/06/2017 16:18

I think you need to ask yourself how you would feel if you had difficulties conceiving and you had delayed because of her wedding. DH and I discussed delaying so I could finish uni before the baby arrives but actually it took us 9 months so I'm very glad we didn't.

My best friend gets married this October and I'm a bridesmaid. I made it very clear if do all I can to be there but I was TTC and wouldn't be able to guarantee anything, and she completely understood.

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