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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

AIBU to want to go to bed at 9.30pm?

31 replies

lydiangel83 · 17/06/2017 06:35

Hi I'm first time pregnant and work/ commute long hours daily. DH and I are often out at weekends and evenings too.

However on days where I can go to bed at a decent time I'm desperate to get an early night e.g. Around 9.30pm as I don't sleep well, wake up several times during the night and almost always awake by 5am (alarm goes off at 6am for work).

DH can sleep anywhere, anytime and is asleep within 5 mins and won't wake until morning when his alarm goes off. We joke about sleep envy but I do have it and it's getting harder as my pregnancy goes on. We regularly argue about bedtime as I can't sleep knowing he will come in to the room later and no matter how quiet he tries to be I will wake up as I am a light sleeper and he struggles to be really quiet.

He offers to sleep in the spare room often but that makes me sad, we've only been married two years and have no DC yet so think we should sleep together.

It does cause arguments as I am grouchy and tired and he is frustrated. I can see his side of it but AIBU?

OP posts:
mysecret321 · 17/06/2017 06:39

I used to go to sleep by 9 when my first this time round I'm in bed by 8 and completely knackered...Tell him its like having a hangover and food poisoning for a few months, my dp understood the analogy!

sleepseeker99 · 17/06/2017 06:41

I have similar sleep issues! During the first pregnancy dh slept in the same bed but in a sleeping bag KS under a separate blanket. That allowed me to roll around, toss and turn to my heart's content. He did get the odd kick but it helped a lot.

I'm 18 weeks with dc2 and weren't not there yet, but I am sleeping from about 8.30!

Maybe try a separate blanket for him? If it gets too bad, would the odd night in the spare room be the end of the world?

Wishing you a good nights sleep xx

SayNoToCarrots · 17/06/2017 06:42

It's not unreasonable to want to go to bed early, but it's a little unreasonable to expect him to do the same.

Lules · 17/06/2017 06:43

I think I was in bed by 8pm in early pregnancy second time too. It's knackering.

But you can't tell another adult when they should go to bed. So either he comes in later and disturbs you or he sleeps in another room (which would seem more sensible to me). It's not like you'd be sleeping in separate bedrooms forever.

MoodyOne · 17/06/2017 06:44

My first pregnancy I was know to be in bed for 7 😳
I did wake a million times for a wee so I still felt so tired 😴
By the end of my pregnancy I just worked and slept for about two months... but it was so worth it ... now I have a baby keeping me awake at night 😂

DoubleHelix79 · 17/06/2017 06:46

Not much help, but when I was pregnant I always fell asleep on the couch by 8:30/9. DH would then (more or less) wake me up at 11. I'd brush my teeth in a zombified state and drop off to sleep again, this time in bed. This allowed me to maintain the illusion of still going to bed at a grown-up time Grin

Original poster
lydiangel83 · 17/06/2017 06:52

Thanks all.

Maybe I should add that this is a pre-pregnancy thing too. It's always been a subject of debate / argument for us...

Maybe I am being unreasonable! He usually does come to bed by 9.30... Shock

OP posts:
Elllicam · 17/06/2017 06:55

Get your sleep when you can. I have 3 under 5 and I'm sometimes asleep for 8 Blush.

BendingSpoons · 17/06/2017 06:58

I have similar issues to you with sleep. I go to bed with ear plugs and an eye mask, knowing DH won't come to bed for a good while. I then can get to sleep, often sleep through him coming to bed and if not usually get back to sleep easily, although I have a 1 year old and am not pregnant.

Oysterbabe · 17/06/2017 07:54

You can't tell him when to go to bed, that would really piss me off.

Emma2803 · 17/06/2017 08:03

Definitely go to bed whenever you want but you cannot tell him what time he has to go to bed at. Pregnant or not he is an adult you just can't tell him when he has to go to bed.

TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 17/06/2017 08:03

Do what's needed to get the most sleep. Spare room is nothing to be sad about.

arbrighton · 17/06/2017 09:57

I spent about 6 weeks in the spare room during early part of third trimester as I just could not get comfy or off to sleep in bed with DH with tossing and turning and worrying then about waking him. And for whatever reason, if i go to the spare room, I usually drop off very quickly.

I'm mostly back in our now for the last couple of weeks, although I id decamp the other night as was so damned warm.

We've been married 2 years next week. It has made me sad but we've had a cuddle and chat before I go off to the other room and we both viewed me sleeping as quite important.

MoodyOne · 17/06/2017 10:18

I always loved my sleep... even a lovely nap ... but I used to just go to be at 9/9:30 and he came up at 11 (and I always napped on the sofa when the football was on...
Oh thirds were the days 😴

BoraThirch · 17/06/2017 10:21

Going to bed at 9.30pm is not unreasonable. Dictating when and where your partner can sleep is totally unreasonable though!

Either accept him coming to bed later or let him sleep in the spare room.

sparechange · 17/06/2017 10:25

Let him sleep in the spare room!

It isn't 'sad' - it's necessary when you're this tired and your sleep is disrupted

I had a few nights where I would wake up at the slightest noise or movement from DH and then not be able to get back to sleep properly and then be cross with him

Sleeping on the spare room is better for both of us...

SelfObsessionHoney · 17/06/2017 10:26

I go to bed at 9pm, silicone earplugs in and DP under strict instruction that if he wakes me I may castrate him.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 17/06/2017 11:30

Go in the spare room. You can't tell him when to be tired, but you can't lie awake worrying about when you're going to be disturbed either. Nobody is being unreasonable, and there is a way for you both to sleep comfortably.

PotteringAlong · 17/06/2017 11:38

Absolutely not unreasonable to go to bed early, bit completely unreasonable to make him do the same.

Thingymaboob · 17/06/2017 12:54

Since I've been pregnant (10 weeks), DH has been sleeping in the spare room. I've been waking multiple times a night for a pee and I'm wide awake at 5am feeling sick / nauseous with restless legs. We are happy with the arrangement and it's only a short term solution. Sleep is important. I also find his smell offensive, so lying next to him makes me feel sick. He's either got too much deodorant on, his toothpaste mouth is too minty or he smells of BO. He's very very clean, I'm just hypersensitive.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 17/06/2017 13:02

Im pregnant and go to bed early dh comes up later , it would be unfair to expect him to go to bed when i do, its only temporary i need my sleep to get through the next day and im up 3000 times peeing wheras he can manage on less and sleeps through

user1479669774 · 17/06/2017 14:08

I usually always go bed before my husband as he can stay up to 1am whereas 10am is a late night for me. We just go bed when we're ready to and try not to wake the other one up

Mandraki · 21/06/2017 07:29

I'm 25 weeks and last night I went to bed at 7 (not for the first time either). I find I'm so exhausted that when husband comes to bed I just grunt and maybe stagger off for a wee and then instantly fall back asleep. You would not be unreasonable to go to bed at whatever time you need to, pregnancy is exhausting, get your sleep!

Kittysparks1 · 21/06/2017 09:22

I would do anything to have a spare room and I would definitely be sleeping in it. My fella is driving me nuts. I've always been a light sleeper but he keeps rolling onto his back and snoring and I swear to god I want to suffocate him with a pillow! Take full advantage of the spare room! I'm probably going to sleep on our tiny sofa tonight with my not so tiny dog on top of me. Yey.

MoominFlaps · 21/06/2017 09:23

YANBU. Wait til the baby comes! 16 mo DS wakes at 5am every morning so I'm always asleep by 9.30 and so is DP.

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